Tired of myself, tired of this town...
I've spent the past few days with Rozella.
She's been showing me how to have fun again.
I've been behaving.
I've done everything right.
Today I wanted to be alone.
Tonight I wanted to be alone with my thoughts.
With myself.
With her.
With the sound of the rain.
Nothing less.
Nothing more.
I woke up this morning.
Around five to ten...
Rozella had left for work and left a note on the table.
The sky was grey...
I sat at the table staring out the window.
Staring at the black clouds...
The trees blowing in rhythm with the wind.
I put my shoes on.
Got my jacket.
Picked up my car keys and thought to myself...
"Tonight is time for me.. and no one else."
I walked out and got in the car...
Turned on the radio.
I lit a cigarette, watched the embers burn.
I could feel the sin deep in my chest.
Exhaling a cloud of silver smoke that whirled around my head.
It felt so good...
Pulled out of the driveway.
I felt invincable...
I just started driving.
Driving with no destination in mind.
So many things were floating around in my head.
The cigarette in my mouth burned itself out.
I looked at the pack on the dashboard...
Thought a moment.
Shook my head, opened the window and threw them out.
The rain was coming down pretty hard but that didn't stop me...
At that moment in time...
I was the only person alive.
I pulled the rubber band out of my hair.
Opened the window...
I could feel the raindrops hitting my face.
Suddenly everything made sense.
Every babbling nonsense statement Wolf ever made...
Made sense.
About being alone.
About being true to yourself.
About being free.
About knowing your limits.
About knowing when you need to test those limits.
About how this town has nothing for me, or you.
Bianca, Rozella or anyone else for that matter.
This is all I have ever known...
Deep inside...
I never want it to change.
There's also that little part of me that enjoyed being carefree for a few hours.
I ended up in a small down south of Budapest...
I was almost four hours from home.
I decided to get out and explore.
I walked around the city for a few hours.
Bought a few things.
Stopped for a nice big dinner.
Alone.
I finally got home and it was starting to snow.
I took Susie outside to run around because I didn't feel like walking her.
I stood there...
Watching the snow fall.
I wanted Bianca in my arms...
To show her how beautiful that very moment was.
But she wasn't there.
She's sick and dying in a hospital bed...
I came inside..
Made some tea.
Went upstairs to read.
I eventually fell asleep...
Only to wake up, looking to hold her close.
She wasn't there to tell me it's all going to work out just fine...
Today seems like a good day...
Mother may I have another?
She's been showing me how to have fun again.
I've been behaving.
I've done everything right.
Today I wanted to be alone.
Tonight I wanted to be alone with my thoughts.
With myself.
With her.
With the sound of the rain.
Nothing less.
Nothing more.
I woke up this morning.
Around five to ten...
Rozella had left for work and left a note on the table.
The sky was grey...
I sat at the table staring out the window.
Staring at the black clouds...
The trees blowing in rhythm with the wind.
I put my shoes on.
Got my jacket.
Picked up my car keys and thought to myself...
"Tonight is time for me.. and no one else."
I walked out and got in the car...
Turned on the radio.
I lit a cigarette, watched the embers burn.
I could feel the sin deep in my chest.
Exhaling a cloud of silver smoke that whirled around my head.
It felt so good...
Pulled out of the driveway.
I felt invincable...
I just started driving.
Driving with no destination in mind.
So many things were floating around in my head.
The cigarette in my mouth burned itself out.
I looked at the pack on the dashboard...
Thought a moment.
Shook my head, opened the window and threw them out.
The rain was coming down pretty hard but that didn't stop me...
At that moment in time...
I was the only person alive.
I pulled the rubber band out of my hair.
Opened the window...
I could feel the raindrops hitting my face.
Suddenly everything made sense.
Every babbling nonsense statement Wolf ever made...
Made sense.
About being alone.
About being true to yourself.
About being free.
About knowing your limits.
About knowing when you need to test those limits.
About how this town has nothing for me, or you.
Bianca, Rozella or anyone else for that matter.
This is all I have ever known...
Deep inside...
I never want it to change.
There's also that little part of me that enjoyed being carefree for a few hours.
I ended up in a small down south of Budapest...
I was almost four hours from home.
I decided to get out and explore.
I walked around the city for a few hours.
Bought a few things.
Stopped for a nice big dinner.
Alone.
I finally got home and it was starting to snow.
I took Susie outside to run around because I didn't feel like walking her.
I stood there...
Watching the snow fall.
I wanted Bianca in my arms...
To show her how beautiful that very moment was.
But she wasn't there.
She's sick and dying in a hospital bed...
I came inside..
Made some tea.
Went upstairs to read.
I eventually fell asleep...
Only to wake up, looking to hold her close.
She wasn't there to tell me it's all going to work out just fine...
Today seems like a good day...
Mother may I have another?