*hugs* I know, darling. Believe me, I know. But you have to lean on others to get through this. If I hadn't had people here when Wolf passed, I would have never made it. As bad as I still am, if people weren't there...I'd be long gone. Please, if not me, lean on someone. I'm scared for you...
I'm scared for me too... I've never had thoughts like this before. I don't know how to deal with it. I'm so hungry but i'm so afraid to eat, i'm afraid i'll only end up in the bathroom... I'm afraid to get out of bed, i'm afraid i'll hurt myself or others. I'm afraid i'll do things I don't want to do but in the moments, I won't be able to control myself. I don't want to let you down, at least... even if you did the same for me. I'm still considering your deal, I'm just not sure if I can promise something that I have no control over.
Please consider it, hun. I would have stopped myself today had we done so. I will make a concentrated effort if that's what you want, and part of that is if one of us fails to keep up our end, the other can do what they promised not to do. If I cut, you can purge and vice versa. But only for that day. Then the deal goes back on. We both need someone to turn to right now. I'm afraid that this will only grow more severe in the future if neither one of us holds up our ends. I've turned to my razor for five months, but I'm willing to give it up for you. Anything to make you feel a bit better. You can control your demons if you want it enough. Just think about it.
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