Because I have a doggerel problem.

[tears_of_nienna]

Title: Green Eyes and Fans
Author: Sarah K
Fandom: The Professionals
Pairing Bodie/Doyle
Rating: Teen
Warnings: None needed
Word Count: 780
Disclaimer: I do not own The Professionals or Green Eggs and Ham, and I'm making no profit from this.
Summary: In which Bodie protests too much, in rhyme.



That green-eyed man!
That green-eyed man!
I do not like that green-eyed man!

Don't you like that green-eyed man?

I do not like him. That's my stand.
I do not like that green-eyed man.

Would you kiss him here or there?

I would not kiss him here or there!
I would not kiss him anywhere!
I do not like that green-eyed man.
I do not like him. That's my stand.

Would you kiss him in your flat?
Or maybe in a copper's hat?

I would not kiss him in my flat.
I would not kiss him in a hat.
I would not kiss him here or there.
I would not kiss him anywhere.
I do not like that green-eyed man.
I do not like him. That's my stand.

Would you kiss him in a pub?
Or undercover in a club?

Not in a pub.
Not in a club.
Not in my flat.
Not in a hat.
I would not kiss him here or there.
I would not kiss him anywhere.
I do not like that green-eyed man.
I do not like him. That's my stand.

Would you, could you, in your car?
Kiss him, kiss him! It's not hard.

I would not, could not in a car.

You may like it. You will see.
Kiss him while he drinks his tea!

I would not while he drinks his tea.
Nor in the car! Oh, let me be.
I would not kiss him in a pub.
Or undercover in a club.
I would not kiss him in my flat.
I would not kiss him in a hat.
I would not kiss him here or there.
I would not kiss him anywhere.
I do not like that green-eyed man.
I do not like him. That's my stand.

A plane! A plane!
A plane! A plane!
Could you, would you, on a plane?

Not on a plane! Not with his tea!
Not in the car! Oh, let me be!
I would not, could not in a pub.
I could not, would not in a club.
I would not kiss him in my flat.
I would not kiss him in a hat.
I would not kiss him here or there.
I would not kiss him anywhere.
I do not like that green-eyed man.
I do not like him. That's my stand.

Oooh! In the dark?
Yeah, in the dark!
Would you, could you, in the dark?

I would not, could not, in the dark.

Would you, could you, in the rain?

I would not, could not, in the rain.
Nor in the dark, nor on a plane.
Nor in the car, nor with his tea.
I do not like him, can't you see?
Not in my flat. Not in a pub.
Not in a hat. Not in a club.
I would not kiss him here or there.
I would not kiss him anywhere.

You do not like that green-eyed man?

I do not like him. That's my stand.

Don't you like him in those jeans?

I do not like him in those jeans!

Don't you like the way he leans?

I do not like the way he leans.
I do not like him in those jeans.
I would not kiss him in the rain.
I would not kiss him on a plane.
Nor in the dark! Nor with his tea!
Nor in a car! Oh, let me be!
I would not kiss him in a pub
I would not kiss him in a club.
I would not kiss him at my flat.
I would not kiss him in a hat.
I would not kiss him here or there.
I would not kiss him anywhere!
I do not like that green-eyed man!
I do not like him. That's my stand.

You do not like him. So you say.
Why not kiss him? And you may.
Kiss him and you may, I say.

Fine! If you will let me be,
I will kiss him. You will see.

. . .

Hey! I like that green-eyed man!
Oh yes, I like him, Cow be damned!
And I would kiss him in those jeans
And I would kiss him while he leans.

I would snog him in the rain.
And in the dark. And on a plane.
And in the car. And with his tea.
He kisses very well, you see!

And I will tease him at the pub
And undercover at a club.
And I will shag him at my flat
Or even in a copper's hat.
I will shag him here and there.
Oh, I will shag him everywhere!

I think I love that green-eyed man.
I think I do--yes, that's my stand.