sometimes you just need to be an emo kid.
You ever feel like something's a sure thing, and then realize that you've gone completely the wrong direction and, basically, you suck? Yeah.
I entered the Fireflytalk article contest about fifteen minutes before the deadline, and I totally thought I had something good. It was specific, it seemed to flow, it echoed how I felt throughout waiting for Serenity.
But I went personal and easy-going, and everyone else apparently went all-out academic. I could totally have gone academic. I could have gone historical, I could have gone sci-fi. I'm a fucking English major, why didn't I do that? My article was so gorram generic. I bet the other 71 non-finalists did the same thing I did. Personal experiences, after thirty or forty essays, probably all sound the same. But it's like Erised romance stories in the Harry Potter fandom--no matter how many other people have done it, or are likely to do it, you do it anyway because you think you can do it better.
Grr. Disappointment makes me nasty. I'm spending all this time dissecting the other entries and why they either suck compared to mine or getting depressed because they're so much better than I could ever be.
I really wanted that wrench, too.
Lost recap to follow when I'm in a better mood. I need hot chocolate and Fellowship of the Ring. Normally I'd watch some Firefly, but I just don't really feel like it at the moment.
So, I'm off to be emo for awhile. Gee, if I'm this much of a pussy about a little tiny rejection, how am I ever going to make it writing?
And god damn it but I wish my hallmate would stop playing "Crystal Baller." Its bouncy happiness is getting on my nerves. Also, Stephanie won't stop talking so I can go away, and anyway I have no idea what happened to my copy of Fellowship. I can't start rereading with Two Towers. And ten minutes isn't enough time to get up to the library. I could ask Ilya for his, but that would require talking to someone. Also, because he's sweet, he will probably try to cheer me up and I just don't want to be cheered up right now, I want to wallow. I have a prerogative to wallow for one evening, right?