October 31st

[tears_of_isha]

i try and keep it together
but things always fall apart
you were alot better at things then i was
i've tried to live a better life
but that doesn't really seem to be the case

in all these years i have not even gone to your grave
i tried once,
i broke into tears and had to turn around.
i spent the rest of that at the cafe effraties
getting stoned, forgetting why i came that way.

i've seen some amazing things.
You know i saw those burning oil wells in iraq the ones from that war when we were kids
you know i watch jet fighters race away from a storm
I even saw a meteror shower under the night sky in the atlantic

but im no better really, i make more mistakes now
i can't keep things together
like you could

sometimes just to myself, you know between you and me
i wish our places were traded.
i feel that would do alot more good.
i'm here though, its suppose to mean something
really, it doesn't seem to mean much of anything

Our sister miss's you
she even stayed home from school.
i haven't spoken to our brother in 8 years
we kinda didn't have anything more to say to each other
ever since you left.

i've found myself further and further from the place i once called home
and more trapped then i have ever been.

just wanted you to know
i'm thinking of you.