(no subject)
Sleepless, its another night which i am awake and must be awake in only a few hours. Laying in bed thinking of the past, thinking of blonde hair and green eyes... *sigh* The days are passing again, the year is soon to end. Although, as they go on theres something a little bit more clearer, a little bit more defined, then the ones previous. I'm going foreward, one little step, by another little step. I still have my concerns. Books for school that i can't pay for until next week, an education and a career that i am concerned about doing well in. And beyond that, furthering my education, and the hopes to one day visit all those places in europe i've been to again. I'd like to eventually move out of this town, somewhere i've always wanted to live, to be amoung the great mountains, and the tall pine trees. Yet, close enough to the city, where the monontanoy of small down life and small town minds doesn't get to me as often.
I like being amoung my friends from long ago. Its good to share time, and the weekends. I have done alot of things wrong, but i've done alot of things right. Seems to be pretty 50/50 i just hope now i have the wisdom to know the course of action that i take, and the full repercussions of them, even the ones unseen. I remember so many days out at sea or in the field, i would pray to God for two things, Wisdom to do what was right when the moment comes, and the strength to face any adversity.
I sometimes miss the people i knew then, people who's names i've mostly forgotten, but nevertheless, have made a mark on me. I wonder how they are, what they are doing. Some of them i wonder if they are still alive. Those names i do know, i fear i will never see again. Even though we talk breifly maybe once every three months, but that spaces in between grows longer and longer.
These are my days, all of them that stretch before me. How i end up in the decades to come will be my own doing. Im so afraid that i will withdraw and isolate myself, then wallow in regret and despration as the youth would have long since left, and bore me into quiet middle age. But, that is not something i should concern myself with.
These are my colors.
I like being amoung my friends from long ago. Its good to share time, and the weekends. I have done alot of things wrong, but i've done alot of things right. Seems to be pretty 50/50 i just hope now i have the wisdom to know the course of action that i take, and the full repercussions of them, even the ones unseen. I remember so many days out at sea or in the field, i would pray to God for two things, Wisdom to do what was right when the moment comes, and the strength to face any adversity.
I sometimes miss the people i knew then, people who's names i've mostly forgotten, but nevertheless, have made a mark on me. I wonder how they are, what they are doing. Some of them i wonder if they are still alive. Those names i do know, i fear i will never see again. Even though we talk breifly maybe once every three months, but that spaces in between grows longer and longer.
These are my days, all of them that stretch before me. How i end up in the decades to come will be my own doing. Im so afraid that i will withdraw and isolate myself, then wallow in regret and despration as the youth would have long since left, and bore me into quiet middle age. But, that is not something i should concern myself with.
These are my colors.