Attempting to revive this...
It has just occured to me that livejournal once took up alot of my spare time, along with many other people. I am also aware that no one reads this anymore so i'm not going to censor my thoughts as much as usually would. Lets face it, since i last wrote in this things are alot different. Everything has changed, drastically might i add. Mostly the way i look at life now. I don't trust people like i used to. No one, except for maybe my parents. All my life i've tried my best to be a caring considerate friend, a loving daughter, and a great student. I've succeded in being a good student but not "quite the best", and i've succeeded at being a distantly loving daughter. The one thing that i completely succeeded in, totally backfired at me. I was always and will be a loving considerate caring honest friend. To some people this just quite didn't cut it. For others it was annoying. I find that this sort of thing always happens to me in one way or another. Complete and total happiness has not once been acheived. I've began a journey, searching for what forms happiness in others. Pointless, i know, yet somehow spiritually fulfilling, and somethign to get my mind off the differences in my life now. This year has been the firsts for many, loosing my best friends, finding faults in my family, somehow loosing grip of reality from time to time. Things have slowly been getting better, and seeing as the only tangible is change, i can see the logic behind this. I already can see people leaving nasty comments about this entry, but all in all recently i've been so dissappointed in things that it doesn't really matter. I've found people that i'm starting to trust in again but after what has happened its hard. I miss the times when my phone wouldn't stop ringing, i miss the times when my mom would hug me for no reason at all, i miss the times when i was literally very good at almost everything school oriented. In a way...i hate that my weakness is hope. Deep inside of me i still feel the slightest chance, that maybe somethign i do will help get "them" back, or maybe something i say will have a slight change in the way "he" sees me. I still have the slightest faith in God, maybe he will feel compasionate and help things go back to normal. So far, nothing has. I'm starting though, to realize maybe this is the way it just has to be. It is hard for me, but its obviously, got its benefits for others, judging by the way people don't really care abotu the situation. The frienships i lost though will always be in my heart, and i am thankful for the life long lessons that loosing them have helped me to learn. I love every single one of you and i always will. I am very forgiving, but i DON'T forget.
Some moral and general goals i have for the upcoming year:
1. To not let things of the past affect me as they have in past couple of months.
2. To get out of this little nutshell people call "floral Park". Life might be just a little better outside this little but overpopulated town.
3. To listen to my heart more than those around me
4. Start writing down the way i feel more often instead of expressing it
5. To have just "one" day were things feel as if they have not changed
6. To not procrastinate
7. Somehow get across to my mom that i really love her even though we fight so often
8. To build up my self esteem
9. To sign up for a musical outside of FPM
10.To be proud of my acheivings even if they're not the absolute "best"
11. To temporarily forget about people/things that have hurt me
12. To find happiness even in the worst of times, situations, and places
13. To get closer to God
14. To make new frienships
15. To find someone whom i truly "love"
16. To learn to appreciate the things that i take for granted
Isn't that kind've weird....16.
Ps: i'm sorry if i have bored you with my philosophical/ moral perspective on my life...this whill change and most of my other entries will probably be on a happy note. This was just my current mood. My apologies to those who ihave offended/bored.
Some moral and general goals i have for the upcoming year:
1. To not let things of the past affect me as they have in past couple of months.
2. To get out of this little nutshell people call "floral Park". Life might be just a little better outside this little but overpopulated town.
3. To listen to my heart more than those around me
4. Start writing down the way i feel more often instead of expressing it
5. To have just "one" day were things feel as if they have not changed
6. To not procrastinate
7. Somehow get across to my mom that i really love her even though we fight so often
8. To build up my self esteem
9. To sign up for a musical outside of FPM
10.To be proud of my acheivings even if they're not the absolute "best"
11. To temporarily forget about people/things that have hurt me
12. To find happiness even in the worst of times, situations, and places
13. To get closer to God
14. To make new frienships
15. To find someone whom i truly "love"
16. To learn to appreciate the things that i take for granted
Isn't that kind've weird....16.
Ps: i'm sorry if i have bored you with my philosophical/ moral perspective on my life...this whill change and most of my other entries will probably be on a happy note. This was just my current mood. My apologies to those who ihave offended/bored.