Journal #4
I don’t know why I bother. But I suppose something about it is that I just can’t seem to hate him. No matter how hard I freggin’ try and no matter how many times he makes me mad I just can’t hate him.
*breath*
And it’s not fair.
I dunno. I was with him for 9 months and I guess maybe the problem is that there just wasn’t any definite closure. I mean… I know that we both still like each other and want to be together. I’ve heard him tell me and he knows it’s the same with me. But he and I both know he has problems with relationships. I don’t know if it’s from being an army brat or just his dad in general or what… but I can see a number of things probably contributing to it. And after meeting his parents it’s a wonder he turned out half as sane as he did. I just don’t know. Confusing as hell, that’s for sure.
The thing that I don’t understand is he keeps saying “I’m the guy your parents warned you about” but then again: I wonder half the time how much my parents really understand how the world has changed since 1962…. Even though he is probably right.
I wish this would all just fix itself.
I wish that I wouldn’t have to go through all this because I feel like I’m suffering.
I suppose I just really want to know how it will turn out between us.
I just need the word to know that I need to let go.
But him popping up all over the place isn’t giving me that green light. It’s giving me the U-turn signal. (okay… I know there aren’t any u-turn signals… but it was the best I could do.)
I just want something to make sense amidst the chaos.
Until Next Time...
Take Care of Yourself
*breath*
And it’s not fair.
I dunno. I was with him for 9 months and I guess maybe the problem is that there just wasn’t any definite closure. I mean… I know that we both still like each other and want to be together. I’ve heard him tell me and he knows it’s the same with me. But he and I both know he has problems with relationships. I don’t know if it’s from being an army brat or just his dad in general or what… but I can see a number of things probably contributing to it. And after meeting his parents it’s a wonder he turned out half as sane as he did. I just don’t know. Confusing as hell, that’s for sure.
The thing that I don’t understand is he keeps saying “I’m the guy your parents warned you about” but then again: I wonder half the time how much my parents really understand how the world has changed since 1962…. Even though he is probably right.
I wish this would all just fix itself.
I wish that I wouldn’t have to go through all this because I feel like I’m suffering.
I suppose I just really want to know how it will turn out between us.
I just need the word to know that I need to let go.
But him popping up all over the place isn’t giving me that green light. It’s giving me the U-turn signal. (okay… I know there aren’t any u-turn signals… but it was the best I could do.)
I just want something to make sense amidst the chaos.
Until Next Time...
Take Care of Yourself