(no subject)

[tearjerk]

Sometimes when you're taking a piss in the toilet, all of the suds and bubbles boil up and look back at you like they are ten thousand accusing eyes. They're saying 'You're fucking ugly!' And they're saying 'You're a liar!' And they're saying 'You're a fat ugly liar. And you're a thief. And your friends don't wanna be your friends anymore because you have been on a shameful and hideous descent toward the rock bottom of all mankind.' They're saying all these mean things to you and it makes you want to cry but you realize you cry all of the time for such pointless and narcissistic reasons. A fucking laptop in the bathtub? Give us a fucking break, dude. You're pathetic. Your friends are all growing around you like they're beanstalks and you're stuck like chuck with your dick in your hand. All of it leaves you with nothing but what you started with. A fucked up and ugly piece of shit, cornered up against a bedroom wall, drunk and drugged out of his mind. With a body constructed of mayonnaise, salt, and alcohol-- it is hard to keep a straight head. But I know, I know. There is no one ever to blame but yourself. It is the cliche cinematic twist where the protagonist becomes the antagonist. The main kick in the teeth is always when you realize that you're your own "bad guy". It takes five o'clock in the morning moments like this to realize that you are nothing better than a hedonist fuck that paves his own path to the grave. A repulsive little path of dead animals hit by cars and feelings blank from birth. Like Caligula storming palace hallways in the darkness of night, commanding that the sun must rise. Like a douche little lemming heading toward the coast. A real stupid fuck. A really, really stupid piece of fuck.

All of this. All these inane little thoughts and all this crippling mental plague. All of it can really kill your buzz. It bums me out.