(no subject)
i just realized something. i am pathetic. i'm finally saying what i feel. i've had my head up lawrence's ass. i'm not going to deny it either. i've been so worried about impressing his friends and family that it made me want to impress my own friends and family. i'm a fucking idiot. and the more i tried to impress every one the more i annoyed them and pushed them away. the more i pushed them away the more i felt i had to fit in. i can't believe i did that. what a fucking dumbass i am. i also pushed a few of them away on purpose because lawrence didn't like them. so me and lawrence are going to have a long talk. i'm not going to fucking let him control who i am. if he loves me so damn much he can fucking love all of me. he cant change who i am. im so fucking sorry guys for all the shit i've done recently. i'm sorry for my stupidity. i just wish you guys would have brought this to my attention sooner. instead of letting me make a fool of myself. i know i annoyd the shit out of you guys. so i'm admitting it. i was trying really hard to be some one i'm not so from now on it's all me. i really am sorry for you guys having to put up with my shit. i'm not letting lawrence control my life anymore. he's still a major part of it but i'm the one in control. if you guys still dont want to talk to me then fine. i just had to get this shit off my chest.