(no subject)
Im fat to start off with. Im so sick of eating. That I need to simply stop. But I keep saything this over and over again. And I keep saying THAT over and over again. And I feel hopeless. But I almost just dont care about anything but losing weight anymore. Like honestly no lie. I miss the feeling of being uber skinny. The hardest part for me is that im like extremely impatient. And so I need to quit looking at myself and weighing myself. Which is difficult anyways. Uhh. I think my boyfriend is getting better. He left for cali last thursday and he keeps sending my texts saying he misses me. Which makes me feel good. I'm still a virgin and plan to stay that way all summer. Hopefully. I had a cig the other night. Felt good. But I cant do it anymore cuz i have asthma like really bad and I had an attack last night. Bad bad. And I also have a god awful cankor sore and its very painful. Ive been really paranoid lately. Im always afraid that people at my work think im stealing. And I dont steal. Weird? I think so. Ive become addicted to my video game Dark Alliance. It keeps me from eating. Which is a GOOD thing. But hasnt helped thus far cuz I eat tons after I quit. Swim practices start up again tomorrow morning and im kinda happy for that. I really miss my bf. At least I think i do...... Anywho I better go to bed so i can have at least 5 hours of sleep before swim time. Ha. Good night.