Life.
It isn't too bad right now.
I'm working hard on fic, picking up some extra hours at work (Which means more monies, yay!), Marathoning some Vintage Supernatural with my Bestie, Laura...
Ooo, I got my toes done! They're bright green. I'd take a picture but I can't find my camera. Mom got hers done bright orange.
My birthday is soon, November second, pretty excited to be 21 and therefore legal everywhere, which is much more then I can say for my boyfriend-stealing ex best friend (25-17=a fucking 8 year age differance, which makes my ex a creepy, sleezy douchnozzle.).
Also I was born on the same day a Special Supernatural Someone died, which I've always kinda liked. I just like that my birthday was mentioned :D
Turning 21 has gotten me thinking serious thoughts. There are some things i'm proud of and many i'm not.
I'm not difficult to please. Little things make me smile and big things make me almost-cry with joy. I'm romantic and a little crazy. I talk to myself a lot and that makes me look insane but when people ask I jsut say 'Yeah, I'm talking to myself. So?'. I'm not all that smart and I'm not all that pretty, but I like to think i'm an okay person. Maybe a person who is still becoming a person, but still. I like that I don't wear makeup to please anyone and that if I don't want to I don't have to spend an hour on my hair. I hate how I look but not because I'm embaressed, because I just don't feel right in my own skin. I like that I can go out and get crazy coloured nails whenever I want.
I know the way i'm coping with things isn't healthy but can't really be bothered to care. All the love I felt for Karl and Katie, whos names I can barely type let alone say, has been poured into a TV show and while that's probably not a good way to be handling things it makes it easier. I'm trying not to look at it all too deeply because that hurts, and I can't deal right now. I'm not crying anymore though, so that's something. I miss them more then words could describe but know that if I go down that path, if I talk to them or show them I know they exist, it'll just mess me up all over again. God I miss him. I miss his smile and his voice, I miss his stupid big nose and his stupid fiddling fingers. I miss how I'd look over and he'd be giving me the biggest, stupidest grin.
I miss how I made him laugh and it made that weird little warm glow in my chest flare up. I miss talking to him and complaining to him and waiting for him to pull up in front of my house so I could run down the stairs and wrap him in a big bear hug. I miss how good he smelt.
And Her... I miss her too. I shouldn't, fuck, I should hate her. But I just can't. Not entirely, anyway. I miss calling her after a Supernatural episode and re-hashing every detail. I miss making her feel better when some idiot made her feel like shit. I miss her laughing at one of my stupid jokes that only she would get and feeling less stupid. I miss hearing about her life and her friends and her problems, because when I could get a giggle from her or make her smile it made my day a little better.
But most of all I miss the... The way they both needed me. And now they have each other and I feel like maybe I was just a replacement for when they could meet up and figure out that all they really needed was sex. And the worst part is, I'm sure they don't even think about me anymore. For three years they told me everything, all thier fears and problems, and now... I've gotten two messages from him and one from her since they shattered my heart into little peices. One of them tried to call me but I'm not sure which. Probably him. Neither of them really fought to make me feel any better or gave me a decent explanation. So what am I to think except this is somehow my fault?
Hum. This got depressing. Let's cheer me/you up with this.
I'm working hard on fic, picking up some extra hours at work (Which means more monies, yay!), Marathoning some Vintage Supernatural with my Bestie, Laura...
Ooo, I got my toes done! They're bright green. I'd take a picture but I can't find my camera. Mom got hers done bright orange.
My birthday is soon, November second, pretty excited to be 21 and therefore legal everywhere, which is much more then I can say for my boyfriend-stealing ex best friend (25-17=a fucking 8 year age differance, which makes my ex a creepy, sleezy douchnozzle.).
Also I was born on the same day a Special Supernatural Someone died, which I've always kinda liked. I just like that my birthday was mentioned :D
Turning 21 has gotten me thinking serious thoughts. There are some things i'm proud of and many i'm not.
I'm not difficult to please. Little things make me smile and big things make me almost-cry with joy. I'm romantic and a little crazy. I talk to myself a lot and that makes me look insane but when people ask I jsut say 'Yeah, I'm talking to myself. So?'. I'm not all that smart and I'm not all that pretty, but I like to think i'm an okay person. Maybe a person who is still becoming a person, but still. I like that I don't wear makeup to please anyone and that if I don't want to I don't have to spend an hour on my hair. I hate how I look but not because I'm embaressed, because I just don't feel right in my own skin. I like that I can go out and get crazy coloured nails whenever I want.
I know the way i'm coping with things isn't healthy but can't really be bothered to care. All the love I felt for Karl and Katie, whos names I can barely type let alone say, has been poured into a TV show and while that's probably not a good way to be handling things it makes it easier. I'm trying not to look at it all too deeply because that hurts, and I can't deal right now. I'm not crying anymore though, so that's something. I miss them more then words could describe but know that if I go down that path, if I talk to them or show them I know they exist, it'll just mess me up all over again. God I miss him. I miss his smile and his voice, I miss his stupid big nose and his stupid fiddling fingers. I miss how I'd look over and he'd be giving me the biggest, stupidest grin.
I miss how I made him laugh and it made that weird little warm glow in my chest flare up. I miss talking to him and complaining to him and waiting for him to pull up in front of my house so I could run down the stairs and wrap him in a big bear hug. I miss how good he smelt.
And Her... I miss her too. I shouldn't, fuck, I should hate her. But I just can't. Not entirely, anyway. I miss calling her after a Supernatural episode and re-hashing every detail. I miss making her feel better when some idiot made her feel like shit. I miss her laughing at one of my stupid jokes that only she would get and feeling less stupid. I miss hearing about her life and her friends and her problems, because when I could get a giggle from her or make her smile it made my day a little better.
But most of all I miss the... The way they both needed me. And now they have each other and I feel like maybe I was just a replacement for when they could meet up and figure out that all they really needed was sex. And the worst part is, I'm sure they don't even think about me anymore. For three years they told me everything, all thier fears and problems, and now... I've gotten two messages from him and one from her since they shattered my heart into little peices. One of them tried to call me but I'm not sure which. Probably him. Neither of them really fought to make me feel any better or gave me a decent explanation. So what am I to think except this is somehow my fault?
Hum. This got depressing. Let's cheer me/you up with this.
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