Ashmore
I feel trapped.
I feel like I want to escape and break free
I feel like a cricket stuck inside of a jar with nowhere to go and nobody to turn to.
It seems that my life has finally decided to turn around, my hopes were lifted, I was starting to see the very light that had been there all along. It seems that whenever I do something right, or whenever something finally decides to look up and go my way, something bad happens. Betrayal happens, crisis happens. My world feels like a shattered globe in the spectrum of all things that never were to come. I begin to question whether all the things I did were really worth it in the end. I begin to question what will happen to all of my money, what will become of my future. I see others my own age, making futures for themselves with internships and university educations and here I am, still in college, working on my degree and working at a part time job that doesn't pay me enough for all the shit I have to put up with everyday. When I was younger, I dreamed of being a veterinarian...that dream passed, but then I was fully intent on entering Harvard. That never happened either, but I swore to myself that I was going to be something. I don't know, sometimes I wonder if all that wishful thinking was for nothing.
I wish Manny would have actually kept his word and been more reliable, not such an obnoxious asshole who likes to hear the sound of his own voice. I wish I could have just moved to France to escape from it all. Though, I know now that no matter which place I decide to escape to, I will never be free. I am always going to be tied down to my roots. Already 21 and broken down like an old man. I feel like it's all pointless. Fuckin pointless.
I don't hate anyone
I just hate myself.
These apathetic feelings are starting to wear me down. It signifies the onset of my depression and self doubt. I already know this for a fact, but I'm not even sure I want to work on them right now.
I feel like I want to escape and break free
I feel like a cricket stuck inside of a jar with nowhere to go and nobody to turn to.
It seems that my life has finally decided to turn around, my hopes were lifted, I was starting to see the very light that had been there all along. It seems that whenever I do something right, or whenever something finally decides to look up and go my way, something bad happens. Betrayal happens, crisis happens. My world feels like a shattered globe in the spectrum of all things that never were to come. I begin to question whether all the things I did were really worth it in the end. I begin to question what will happen to all of my money, what will become of my future. I see others my own age, making futures for themselves with internships and university educations and here I am, still in college, working on my degree and working at a part time job that doesn't pay me enough for all the shit I have to put up with everyday. When I was younger, I dreamed of being a veterinarian...that dream passed, but then I was fully intent on entering Harvard. That never happened either, but I swore to myself that I was going to be something. I don't know, sometimes I wonder if all that wishful thinking was for nothing.
I wish Manny would have actually kept his word and been more reliable, not such an obnoxious asshole who likes to hear the sound of his own voice. I wish I could have just moved to France to escape from it all. Though, I know now that no matter which place I decide to escape to, I will never be free. I am always going to be tied down to my roots. Already 21 and broken down like an old man. I feel like it's all pointless. Fuckin pointless.
I don't hate anyone
I just hate myself.
These apathetic feelings are starting to wear me down. It signifies the onset of my depression and self doubt. I already know this for a fact, but I'm not even sure I want to work on them right now.