(no subject)
I had to go through a lot to get here, but I ultimately feel a lot better about everything. I don't really think I can deal with a couple of things right now, so thank God we have school off for the next week. I'll be able to calm down. I don't want the whole world to know the details of it (in fact, there is literally no one else who will ever know the entire truth about anything that has happened these past two months) but basically I have grown up. And I am not saying that in a melodramatic way that I always read other kids saying, and I am not saying it because I went to my first college party, and I am not saying it because I didn't get birthday or Christmas presents this year. I am saying it because I have had to deal with a lot of things outside and inside and around me and away from me that have turned me into someone who I think will be able to take on with confidence anything that is thrown her way. For the first time in my life I feel helpless, but I have learned to not feel defeated. I still have tens of years of growing up to do; millions of experiences that will make me more mature and more grown up; but I am certainly at a point today that I am proud to be at. I am proud to say I have made it through such a storm, such a flurry of events that no one should have to go through. I am still here, I still have my basic composure, and I am still trudging on. I wish I could say I will feel this way forever, but at this moment now what I am writing is not a lie, and I think that makes all the difference. I think this is what matters.
I will still need to lean on others; everyone does sometimes. But I have impressed myself in these few months. I have exceeded my own expectations. I am still such a child in so many ways, but I'd like to think of myself as a Matilda. A child who can take care of herself, and still have the ability to love and care for others.
Yes, this is a beautiful mindset to enter my Christmas with. Thank you to everyone who has helped me through any of it. Probably anyone who would ever read this has helped me in at least a minuscule way, maybe more. Maybe a lot more. Maybe almost all of it. I love you very much. Goodnight.
I will still need to lean on others; everyone does sometimes. But I have impressed myself in these few months. I have exceeded my own expectations. I am still such a child in so many ways, but I'd like to think of myself as a Matilda. A child who can take care of herself, and still have the ability to love and care for others.
Yes, this is a beautiful mindset to enter my Christmas with. Thank you to everyone who has helped me through any of it. Probably anyone who would ever read this has helped me in at least a minuscule way, maybe more. Maybe a lot more. Maybe almost all of it. I love you very much. Goodnight.