DESPERADO (9)
Title: Desperado
Fandom: Harry Potter
Summary: It may be raining, but there’s a rainbow above you
You better let somebody love you, before it’s too late
Pairing: Severus Snape/OFC
Rating: What about Teen?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Disclaimer: This story has been written out of fan-appreciation. I own nothing but the characters I invented (clearly not Snape, Harry Potter, Dumbledore ecc.) and the poor excuse for a plot I patched together.
1. - 2. - 3. - 4. - 5. - 6. - 7. - 8.
UN-BETAED
I have a smile
Stretched from ear to ear
To see you walking down the road
We meet at the lights
I stare for a while
The world around disappears
Just you and me
On this island of hope
A breath between us could be miles
Let me surround you
My sea to your shore
Let me be the calm you seek
Oh and every time I’m close to you
There’s too much I can’t say
And you just walk away
And I forgot
To tell you
I love you
And the night’s
Too long
And cold here
Without you
I grieve in my condition
For I cannot find the strength to say I need you so
Sarah McLachlan - I love you
With every day that passed she grew a little stronger. The colour returned to her cheeks and with the pain gone, she was just as chatty as ever. She could even walk around now without being dependent on his support. A fact which he almost regretted, because that had been the only time they had been physically close. They were treading very careful around each other these days, almost as if they were afraid that one wrong word could destroy whatever they had. Fleeting touches were exchanged that caused blushes and embarrassed silence. Kissing seemed too bold a move, as well as talking about one’s feelings.
They both knew it was time for her to leave, return to their lives as they had been before the incident, but neither of them seemed to have the heart to. They spent a lot of time together, but that didn’t mean they actually got around to sorting through the things that mattered. The most important ingredient to their painstakingly established status-quo was pretence. They were acting out parts. Harsh comments were edited out, double-meanings were avoided like the plague, because they could go both ways.
She didn’t ask how he had managed to keep her presence here at Hogwarts a secret, but she imagined he had his ways. Being a former Death Eater and on top of that a spy surely didn’t mean he was all about hugs and puppies, so she refrained from asking and he, quite unsurprisingly, refrained from telling.
When he walked through the door straight after class one afternoon, she was sitting at the edge of her bed. It was made; the nightgown she had worn was lying neatly folded on her pillow. She was also fully dressed.
“You’re leaving,” he observed coolly.
“Yes,” she sighed.
He sat down next to her. Today’s classes had left him feeling rather exhausted. “Am I going to see you again?” he asked after a while, almost timidly.
She looked at him in surprise. His face was serious. He didn’t mean that as a joke. Then again he rarely was in the mood for jokes. She threw him an encouraging smile. “Of course you are. Why shouldn’t you?”
He shrugged his shoulders. “Things are different now.”
“Yes, unfortunately,” they were both looking ahead, their gazes fixed on different points of the bare grey stone wall opposite of them. Any outward observer would have said they did it, because they didn’t want to look at each other.
After a while she got up with a sigh. He held out his hand to her, still sitting. “Goodbye,” he said his voice carefully neutral.
She looked at his hand then shook her head. “This is bloody ridiculous,” she said contemptuously.
“Beg you pardon,” he looked at her in astonishment.
“You’ve heard me right. This is ridiculous,” she repeated again, meeting his eyes. To her they still held that inexplicable fascination. Dark irises that faded into dark pupils. Sometimes it was hard to read them. Other times, however, they held an intensity that made it almost impossible to hold his gaze.
“Pray tell, what is ridiculous?” Now, for example, was one of those moments she had trouble interpreting the looks he was giving her.
“I’m not made out of glass you know. If you have anything to say to me just say it. Damn it!”
Acknowledging his feelings was something he had trouble with, voicing them seemed impossible. He shook his head. “I can’t seem to think of anything to say.”
“Alright,” she answered sadly. “This is goodbye then.” After a moment of hesitance she turned towards the door. Her steps were slow and cautious.
“Wait,” he said simply and she stopped. She could hear him get up from bed and walk towards her. He stopped mere inches from her. Without looking she could sense him standing behind her very closely. After days of timidly putting some emotional as well as physical distance between them, his sudden proximity was enough to speed up her pulse. She slowly turned around, coming face to face with him.
Without a warning he leaned down and kissed her. She let out a surprised little squeal, taking a few steps back until she pumped into the door. When he finally drew back, her knees felt shaky and her breathing was ragged. “Alright,” she finally managed to get out, a dorky smile on her face. “Message received. You don’t want me to go like this.”
“You’re quick on the uptake. Impressive,” he was actually smirking a little at her. She hadn’t seen that expression on his face for quite some time, consequently it didn’t fail to do its desired effect. A pleasant shiver ran down her spine. Then again maybe “desired effect” was the wrong wording. He seemed to be completely oblivious to what it did to her. Knowing him he was completely unaware of the fact that he could be quite attractive once he stopped scowling.
Why not tell him? She did and that comment completely sent him off balance. If she didn’t know better, she’d actually think he was blushing.
“Could it be that you have some slight trouble accepting compliments?” she smiled softly.
“Maybe it’s because I’m just not used to them,” he said truthfully, finally able to overcome his embarrassment and meet her eyes again.
She reached out her hand to let her fingers run over his cheek. Just minutes ago it would have impossible, but his kiss had changed everything. She was glad it had. She had missed touching him like that.
He closed his eyes. His face relaxed, the lines around his mouth softened, the crease between his eyes barely noticeable now. He looked much younger, much more carefree.
“Maybe it’s time you got used to it. There are a lot of things about you I love. I’ve just never found the heart to tell you. I was afraid you’d find it awfully trite,” she said softly.
“You should know that male egos are always receptive to praise.”
He would have expected any response from her, just not this one. First soft laughter, then a sincere and softly spoken “I love you”.
He could only stare at her in surprise. Her eyes widened comically, she blanched and clamped her hands over her mouth, when she realized what had just happened. Apparently it had been an unintentional slip.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to blurt it out like this.”
“Is it true?” he enquired, sternly fixing her with his eyes. She seemed to shrink under his gaze. Doubtlessly she would have fled the room if she wasn’t conveniently pinned between him and the door.
She decided to ignore his question and brattle on like a headless chicken, rushing through all kinds of different excuses, using a lot of redundant and rather complicated words.
“Is it true?” asked again, this time a little more vehemently.
She looked at him, slowly blinking twice as if awaking from a daze. “Of course, it is.”
There was a hint of desperation to the way his eyes searchingly clung to her face. He tried to catalogue every expression on it: the curve of her lips, the soft blush to her cheek, the way she looked at him.
“No, you’re lying,” he finally said, shaking his head sadly.
“Why should I do that?” she looked at him in shock. Was it really so hard for him to believe that somebody loved him? She had blurted it out in the heat of the moment that didn’t make it any less true. If anything it only made it truer. It was how she felt. For once she hadn’t run her thoughts through a filter, endlessly obsessing over when and how to say things. It had just come out naturally. Yes, she meant it. But how was she supposed to make him see that?
“What do I have to do to make you believe me? Because I’d do about anything,” Abby finally said.
“I don’t think there’s anything you can do.”
“Don’t you trust me?”
“I don’t trust anybody,” he stated matter-of-factly. It sounded like a mantra. Like he had repeated those words many times.
It broke her heart, but after what had happened last week she was in no position to hold it against him. She had promised to tell him when she would leave to confront Avery and Tennyson. She had been thoughtless. With adrenaline pumping through her veins the only thing that had mattered had been revenge. Yes, she had let him know what she was doing, but without taking into consideration that it would take him more than a couple of seconds to get to her. Her impulsiveness and her thoughtlessness had almost killed her. In short her deeds hadn’t been particularly trust inspiring, but in order for this to work, in order for them to have a shot at a decent relationship that would stretch beyond a short lived affair, she would have to do something to regain his trust. Desperate times called for even more desperate measures.
“Legilimens,” she said finally. “You can do that, right?”
“Yes, but that’s not an option,” he threw her a dark glance that was obviously supposed to end the argument, but it didn’t. Arguments with her usually didn’t end just because he looked at her sharply.
“Why not?”
“Because I’d be violating your mind.”
“Not if I ask you to read my thoughts. That’s not violation. It’s actually an open invitation to come and have a peek.”
“You make it sound so trivial…”
“And you have to continuously complicate things…” Her exasperated tone matched his.
“I do not complicate things.”
“Yes, you do. I ask you to one little spell on me and then you suddenly get all moral high ground and start talking about how you would be violating my mind with it. If that’s not acting like a drama queen, what is?”
“Legilimens isn’t something to use at leisure,” he informed her sternly. “In the War it was used as a weapon. As leverage even. Need I tell you that most of the people I used it one weren’t exactly happy to have me plundering around in their minds?”
She took a brief moment to digest that particular information. When she spoke again her voice quivered ever so slightly. “I get what you’re trying to tell me. Believe me I do. But what other way is there to get you to trust me again?”
He was just standing there, looking at her unblinkingly for while, as if he could read the answer to their dilemma in her face. Finally he came to some sort of decision.
“Time.”
Well, that had been rather anticlimactic.“Time?” she looked at him with a frown.“That’s it?”
“Yes.”
She let out a long exasperate huff. “How much time?”
He shrugged his shoulders.
“No really. Are we talking months? Years? Decades?”
Again he shrugged his shoulders.
“Seriously, has there ever been someone…anyone you came to trust completely?” she looked at him her eyes wide and expectant. “No, actually don’t answer that….” She sat down on the edge of the bed again, her eyes staring vacantly into the empty space. Suddenly there was nothing but that feeling of hollowness and rejection, which maybe was well deserved after everything that had happened.
Finally she added more quietly: “Maybe that suits me right for being such a stupid b…”
She didn’t get to finish the rest of the sentence. “No, it’s my fault. I’m sorry,” he interrupted her just in time.
“I really do love you, you know.”
“No, I don’t,” the fact that he said those words with a little shy smile on his face, didn’t make her feel any better, but at least it let her know that he wasn’t hurting her intentionally. He had his limitations. His inability to trust was one of them. But how was she supposed to ever get through to him?
“It’s not that I don’t want to believe you,” he tried to salvage the situation.
She sighed. “I know, Severus.” She threw him a sad smile. “You just can’t.”
“Not yet anyway.”
“Not yet,” she repeated.
He nodded wordlessly. A rather long pause ensued.
“Well, that went rather well, didn’t it?” she let out a raucous laugh.
“Yeah,” he said gloomily and sat down on the bed beside her. She shot him a sideways glance regarding his profile. There was something haunted inside her eyes as if she was desperately looking for something but unable to find it.
“Time, eh?” she finally asked after a while. He turned his head to look at her. They just stared at each other wordlessly for awhile, before he finally answered. “Yes.”
Her mouth unexpectedly curved into a teasing smile. Fortunately her thoughts seemed to have already taken a different direction. Unlike him she possessed the talent not to linger on depressing thoughts for too long. “Any other way I could convince you?”
He was surprised by her sudden change of mood. So surprised, as a matter of fact, he even sounded a bit flustered. “What do you mean?”
She smiled. She just loved to get under his skin. He wasn’t used to flirting. It always managed to throw him off completely, which was rather funny in her book. Especially the way he got all huffy and didn’t know what to say anymore. And he always wore that look of indignation as if flirting with him was completely inappropriate. When things got to that point she just couldn’t help herself anymore. She just had to keep on teasing him.
Abigail threw him a nice little smile and scooted closer to him. “Oh, absolutely nothing,” she said coquettishly looking at him from under her lashes. To give her words more credulity and also to make him more flustered she laid her hand on his chest. It rested there a little bit longer than necessary. She circled one of the buttons on the front of his robes with her index fingers with an almost most reverent expression on her face, then let her hand fall on the mattress between them.
“Now what is so interesting about my robes all of a sudden?” he asked suspiciously, almost sounding a bit harsh. Obviously the teasing was having the desired effect.
She hesitated for a moment. The thought occurred that this little game of hers would cease to be a game once she uttered the next words. But that she was more than okay with her. She was fed up with games and carefully tip-toeing around him. She wanted to be close to him, but first she had to pull down all those barriers he had built up around him. What better way to do that than by teasing?
“ If you absolutely must know, I was wondering how many buttons this thing has exactly.”
“Any particular reason why you’re interested in that detail?”
“Actually, yes,” her voice was low and had a ring to it that had so far been foreign to him, “I keep wondering how they’re undone and how much time it would take.”
“Oh, don’t be daft!” he told her, trying hard to sound stern. Instead his voice came out rather breathy. It was also getting increasingly difficult to ignore the sexual tension that was quickly building between them.
“So, I’m being daft then, huh? I’m not the one of us who’s too dense to even notice when he’s being flirted with.” The way she looked at him, her voice… he could feel it starting to slow down his thoughts, encouraging his instincts to take over. His eyes fell on her lips they were slightly parted and ever so inviting. If he gave in now he wouldn’t be able to stop himself. He gulped heavily.
“Do you know what you’re getting yourself into? You’re playing with the fire here.”
“I do precisely know what I’m getting myself into. I’ve been having these thoughts for quite a while now.”
“I must warn you if you keep teasing me…,” he said, almost sounding a bit insecure.
“What will you do? Kiss me again?” She scooted closer, her arm brushed against his, the by now familiar sweet scent of her perfume invaded his nostrils and made his stomach tingle. “If you think the prospect of kissing you will repel me, you’re completely wrong. If anything it’s an encouragement to continue. So kissing and then?”
“Yes, first that, then…,” his eyes travelled hungrily over her body, then settled on her face again. She was almost scared he would loose his nerve now.
“Then what?”
“You know bloody well,” he growled. He was itching to touch her, pull her into his arms, but wouldn’t allow himself to. Not yet at least. For the moment his fear of rejection and disappointment dominated his desire.
“Sex?” The way the word was rolling of her tongue was almost his undoing. “Are you afraid saying it?” She smiled at him teasingly.
“I’m not, but there’s only so much I can take,” his tone was dangerously low now. “I’m trying to be chivalrous. I’m trying very hard right now not to throw you on this bed and have my way with you. You’re still convalescent if you do recall.”
“I was convalescent a week ago,” she remarked dryly. He couldn’t argue with that. The only thing that had kept her here that long, was the fact that they both didn’t want her to leave. “By the way, just in case you haven’t notice, I’m trying very hard to get you to throw me on this bed and have your way with me,” she smiled at him sweetly.
Something inside of his snapped at her comment. The next thing he consciously perceived was that they somehow had ended up tangled up on said bed, him pinning her to the mattress with his weight, his hands in her hair, hers deftly opening one button after the other, softly counting them under her breath. He kissed her again and she lost count completely.
“You’re unfair…You…” He had just playfully bitten her neck, making her forget entirely what she had wanted to say before. Apparently he had just discovered another way to silence her. He mentally stored away that information for later use.
His smugness disappeared entirely, when she undid the top buttons of the shirt he wore underneath his robes and let her fingers trace over his naked skin. Her hand stilled when she felt his heart beating anxiously underneath her palm. She noticed he had frozen in shock and saw the questioning expression in his eyes. This was a crucial moment. Her fingers softly curled around his hand and brought it to her chest. He could feel the anxious drumming of her heart underneath his fingers and looked at her in astonishment.
“I’m just as nervous as you are,” she answered the unspoken question in his eyes.
“We don’t have to…”
“I know, but I very much want to.”
A pause.“Me too.”
“Good” Abby smiled at him. “Because for a moment I thought I would have to talk you into having sex with me.”
“Oh, I don’t think that will be necessary. I’m already convinced that it’s a brilliant idea.” He mirrored her smile before he slowly leaned down to kiss her.
Fandom: Harry Potter
Summary: It may be raining, but there’s a rainbow above you
You better let somebody love you, before it’s too late
Pairing: Severus Snape/OFC
Rating: What about Teen?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Disclaimer: This story has been written out of fan-appreciation. I own nothing but the characters I invented (clearly not Snape, Harry Potter, Dumbledore ecc.) and the poor excuse for a plot I patched together.
1. - 2. - 3. - 4. - 5. - 6. - 7. - 8.
UN-BETAED
I have a smile
Stretched from ear to ear
To see you walking down the road
We meet at the lights
I stare for a while
The world around disappears
Just you and me
On this island of hope
A breath between us could be miles
Let me surround you
My sea to your shore
Let me be the calm you seek
Oh and every time I’m close to you
There’s too much I can’t say
And you just walk away
And I forgot
To tell you
I love you
And the night’s
Too long
And cold here
Without you
I grieve in my condition
For I cannot find the strength to say I need you so
Sarah McLachlan - I love you
With every day that passed she grew a little stronger. The colour returned to her cheeks and with the pain gone, she was just as chatty as ever. She could even walk around now without being dependent on his support. A fact which he almost regretted, because that had been the only time they had been physically close. They were treading very careful around each other these days, almost as if they were afraid that one wrong word could destroy whatever they had. Fleeting touches were exchanged that caused blushes and embarrassed silence. Kissing seemed too bold a move, as well as talking about one’s feelings.
They both knew it was time for her to leave, return to their lives as they had been before the incident, but neither of them seemed to have the heart to. They spent a lot of time together, but that didn’t mean they actually got around to sorting through the things that mattered. The most important ingredient to their painstakingly established status-quo was pretence. They were acting out parts. Harsh comments were edited out, double-meanings were avoided like the plague, because they could go both ways.
She didn’t ask how he had managed to keep her presence here at Hogwarts a secret, but she imagined he had his ways. Being a former Death Eater and on top of that a spy surely didn’t mean he was all about hugs and puppies, so she refrained from asking and he, quite unsurprisingly, refrained from telling.
When he walked through the door straight after class one afternoon, she was sitting at the edge of her bed. It was made; the nightgown she had worn was lying neatly folded on her pillow. She was also fully dressed.
“You’re leaving,” he observed coolly.
“Yes,” she sighed.
He sat down next to her. Today’s classes had left him feeling rather exhausted. “Am I going to see you again?” he asked after a while, almost timidly.
She looked at him in surprise. His face was serious. He didn’t mean that as a joke. Then again he rarely was in the mood for jokes. She threw him an encouraging smile. “Of course you are. Why shouldn’t you?”
He shrugged his shoulders. “Things are different now.”
“Yes, unfortunately,” they were both looking ahead, their gazes fixed on different points of the bare grey stone wall opposite of them. Any outward observer would have said they did it, because they didn’t want to look at each other.
After a while she got up with a sigh. He held out his hand to her, still sitting. “Goodbye,” he said his voice carefully neutral.
She looked at his hand then shook her head. “This is bloody ridiculous,” she said contemptuously.
“Beg you pardon,” he looked at her in astonishment.
“You’ve heard me right. This is ridiculous,” she repeated again, meeting his eyes. To her they still held that inexplicable fascination. Dark irises that faded into dark pupils. Sometimes it was hard to read them. Other times, however, they held an intensity that made it almost impossible to hold his gaze.
“Pray tell, what is ridiculous?” Now, for example, was one of those moments she had trouble interpreting the looks he was giving her.
“I’m not made out of glass you know. If you have anything to say to me just say it. Damn it!”
Acknowledging his feelings was something he had trouble with, voicing them seemed impossible. He shook his head. “I can’t seem to think of anything to say.”
“Alright,” she answered sadly. “This is goodbye then.” After a moment of hesitance she turned towards the door. Her steps were slow and cautious.
“Wait,” he said simply and she stopped. She could hear him get up from bed and walk towards her. He stopped mere inches from her. Without looking she could sense him standing behind her very closely. After days of timidly putting some emotional as well as physical distance between them, his sudden proximity was enough to speed up her pulse. She slowly turned around, coming face to face with him.
Without a warning he leaned down and kissed her. She let out a surprised little squeal, taking a few steps back until she pumped into the door. When he finally drew back, her knees felt shaky and her breathing was ragged. “Alright,” she finally managed to get out, a dorky smile on her face. “Message received. You don’t want me to go like this.”
“You’re quick on the uptake. Impressive,” he was actually smirking a little at her. She hadn’t seen that expression on his face for quite some time, consequently it didn’t fail to do its desired effect. A pleasant shiver ran down her spine. Then again maybe “desired effect” was the wrong wording. He seemed to be completely oblivious to what it did to her. Knowing him he was completely unaware of the fact that he could be quite attractive once he stopped scowling.
Why not tell him? She did and that comment completely sent him off balance. If she didn’t know better, she’d actually think he was blushing.
“Could it be that you have some slight trouble accepting compliments?” she smiled softly.
“Maybe it’s because I’m just not used to them,” he said truthfully, finally able to overcome his embarrassment and meet her eyes again.
She reached out her hand to let her fingers run over his cheek. Just minutes ago it would have impossible, but his kiss had changed everything. She was glad it had. She had missed touching him like that.
He closed his eyes. His face relaxed, the lines around his mouth softened, the crease between his eyes barely noticeable now. He looked much younger, much more carefree.
“Maybe it’s time you got used to it. There are a lot of things about you I love. I’ve just never found the heart to tell you. I was afraid you’d find it awfully trite,” she said softly.
“You should know that male egos are always receptive to praise.”
He would have expected any response from her, just not this one. First soft laughter, then a sincere and softly spoken “I love you”.
He could only stare at her in surprise. Her eyes widened comically, she blanched and clamped her hands over her mouth, when she realized what had just happened. Apparently it had been an unintentional slip.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to blurt it out like this.”
“Is it true?” he enquired, sternly fixing her with his eyes. She seemed to shrink under his gaze. Doubtlessly she would have fled the room if she wasn’t conveniently pinned between him and the door.
She decided to ignore his question and brattle on like a headless chicken, rushing through all kinds of different excuses, using a lot of redundant and rather complicated words.
“Is it true?” asked again, this time a little more vehemently.
She looked at him, slowly blinking twice as if awaking from a daze. “Of course, it is.”
There was a hint of desperation to the way his eyes searchingly clung to her face. He tried to catalogue every expression on it: the curve of her lips, the soft blush to her cheek, the way she looked at him.
“No, you’re lying,” he finally said, shaking his head sadly.
“Why should I do that?” she looked at him in shock. Was it really so hard for him to believe that somebody loved him? She had blurted it out in the heat of the moment that didn’t make it any less true. If anything it only made it truer. It was how she felt. For once she hadn’t run her thoughts through a filter, endlessly obsessing over when and how to say things. It had just come out naturally. Yes, she meant it. But how was she supposed to make him see that?
“What do I have to do to make you believe me? Because I’d do about anything,” Abby finally said.
“I don’t think there’s anything you can do.”
“Don’t you trust me?”
“I don’t trust anybody,” he stated matter-of-factly. It sounded like a mantra. Like he had repeated those words many times.
It broke her heart, but after what had happened last week she was in no position to hold it against him. She had promised to tell him when she would leave to confront Avery and Tennyson. She had been thoughtless. With adrenaline pumping through her veins the only thing that had mattered had been revenge. Yes, she had let him know what she was doing, but without taking into consideration that it would take him more than a couple of seconds to get to her. Her impulsiveness and her thoughtlessness had almost killed her. In short her deeds hadn’t been particularly trust inspiring, but in order for this to work, in order for them to have a shot at a decent relationship that would stretch beyond a short lived affair, she would have to do something to regain his trust. Desperate times called for even more desperate measures.
“Legilimens,” she said finally. “You can do that, right?”
“Yes, but that’s not an option,” he threw her a dark glance that was obviously supposed to end the argument, but it didn’t. Arguments with her usually didn’t end just because he looked at her sharply.
“Why not?”
“Because I’d be violating your mind.”
“Not if I ask you to read my thoughts. That’s not violation. It’s actually an open invitation to come and have a peek.”
“You make it sound so trivial…”
“And you have to continuously complicate things…” Her exasperated tone matched his.
“I do not complicate things.”
“Yes, you do. I ask you to one little spell on me and then you suddenly get all moral high ground and start talking about how you would be violating my mind with it. If that’s not acting like a drama queen, what is?”
“Legilimens isn’t something to use at leisure,” he informed her sternly. “In the War it was used as a weapon. As leverage even. Need I tell you that most of the people I used it one weren’t exactly happy to have me plundering around in their minds?”
She took a brief moment to digest that particular information. When she spoke again her voice quivered ever so slightly. “I get what you’re trying to tell me. Believe me I do. But what other way is there to get you to trust me again?”
He was just standing there, looking at her unblinkingly for while, as if he could read the answer to their dilemma in her face. Finally he came to some sort of decision.
“Time.”
Well, that had been rather anticlimactic.“Time?” she looked at him with a frown.“That’s it?”
“Yes.”
She let out a long exasperate huff. “How much time?”
He shrugged his shoulders.
“No really. Are we talking months? Years? Decades?”
Again he shrugged his shoulders.
“Seriously, has there ever been someone…anyone you came to trust completely?” she looked at him her eyes wide and expectant. “No, actually don’t answer that….” She sat down on the edge of the bed again, her eyes staring vacantly into the empty space. Suddenly there was nothing but that feeling of hollowness and rejection, which maybe was well deserved after everything that had happened.
Finally she added more quietly: “Maybe that suits me right for being such a stupid b…”
She didn’t get to finish the rest of the sentence. “No, it’s my fault. I’m sorry,” he interrupted her just in time.
“I really do love you, you know.”
“No, I don’t,” the fact that he said those words with a little shy smile on his face, didn’t make her feel any better, but at least it let her know that he wasn’t hurting her intentionally. He had his limitations. His inability to trust was one of them. But how was she supposed to ever get through to him?
“It’s not that I don’t want to believe you,” he tried to salvage the situation.
She sighed. “I know, Severus.” She threw him a sad smile. “You just can’t.”
“Not yet anyway.”
“Not yet,” she repeated.
He nodded wordlessly. A rather long pause ensued.
“Well, that went rather well, didn’t it?” she let out a raucous laugh.
“Yeah,” he said gloomily and sat down on the bed beside her. She shot him a sideways glance regarding his profile. There was something haunted inside her eyes as if she was desperately looking for something but unable to find it.
“Time, eh?” she finally asked after a while. He turned his head to look at her. They just stared at each other wordlessly for awhile, before he finally answered. “Yes.”
Her mouth unexpectedly curved into a teasing smile. Fortunately her thoughts seemed to have already taken a different direction. Unlike him she possessed the talent not to linger on depressing thoughts for too long. “Any other way I could convince you?”
He was surprised by her sudden change of mood. So surprised, as a matter of fact, he even sounded a bit flustered. “What do you mean?”
She smiled. She just loved to get under his skin. He wasn’t used to flirting. It always managed to throw him off completely, which was rather funny in her book. Especially the way he got all huffy and didn’t know what to say anymore. And he always wore that look of indignation as if flirting with him was completely inappropriate. When things got to that point she just couldn’t help herself anymore. She just had to keep on teasing him.
Abigail threw him a nice little smile and scooted closer to him. “Oh, absolutely nothing,” she said coquettishly looking at him from under her lashes. To give her words more credulity and also to make him more flustered she laid her hand on his chest. It rested there a little bit longer than necessary. She circled one of the buttons on the front of his robes with her index fingers with an almost most reverent expression on her face, then let her hand fall on the mattress between them.
“Now what is so interesting about my robes all of a sudden?” he asked suspiciously, almost sounding a bit harsh. Obviously the teasing was having the desired effect.
She hesitated for a moment. The thought occurred that this little game of hers would cease to be a game once she uttered the next words. But that she was more than okay with her. She was fed up with games and carefully tip-toeing around him. She wanted to be close to him, but first she had to pull down all those barriers he had built up around him. What better way to do that than by teasing?
“ If you absolutely must know, I was wondering how many buttons this thing has exactly.”
“Any particular reason why you’re interested in that detail?”
“Actually, yes,” her voice was low and had a ring to it that had so far been foreign to him, “I keep wondering how they’re undone and how much time it would take.”
“Oh, don’t be daft!” he told her, trying hard to sound stern. Instead his voice came out rather breathy. It was also getting increasingly difficult to ignore the sexual tension that was quickly building between them.
“So, I’m being daft then, huh? I’m not the one of us who’s too dense to even notice when he’s being flirted with.” The way she looked at him, her voice… he could feel it starting to slow down his thoughts, encouraging his instincts to take over. His eyes fell on her lips they were slightly parted and ever so inviting. If he gave in now he wouldn’t be able to stop himself. He gulped heavily.
“Do you know what you’re getting yourself into? You’re playing with the fire here.”
“I do precisely know what I’m getting myself into. I’ve been having these thoughts for quite a while now.”
“I must warn you if you keep teasing me…,” he said, almost sounding a bit insecure.
“What will you do? Kiss me again?” She scooted closer, her arm brushed against his, the by now familiar sweet scent of her perfume invaded his nostrils and made his stomach tingle. “If you think the prospect of kissing you will repel me, you’re completely wrong. If anything it’s an encouragement to continue. So kissing and then?”
“Yes, first that, then…,” his eyes travelled hungrily over her body, then settled on her face again. She was almost scared he would loose his nerve now.
“Then what?”
“You know bloody well,” he growled. He was itching to touch her, pull her into his arms, but wouldn’t allow himself to. Not yet at least. For the moment his fear of rejection and disappointment dominated his desire.
“Sex?” The way the word was rolling of her tongue was almost his undoing. “Are you afraid saying it?” She smiled at him teasingly.
“I’m not, but there’s only so much I can take,” his tone was dangerously low now. “I’m trying to be chivalrous. I’m trying very hard right now not to throw you on this bed and have my way with you. You’re still convalescent if you do recall.”
“I was convalescent a week ago,” she remarked dryly. He couldn’t argue with that. The only thing that had kept her here that long, was the fact that they both didn’t want her to leave. “By the way, just in case you haven’t notice, I’m trying very hard to get you to throw me on this bed and have your way with me,” she smiled at him sweetly.
Something inside of his snapped at her comment. The next thing he consciously perceived was that they somehow had ended up tangled up on said bed, him pinning her to the mattress with his weight, his hands in her hair, hers deftly opening one button after the other, softly counting them under her breath. He kissed her again and she lost count completely.
“You’re unfair…You…” He had just playfully bitten her neck, making her forget entirely what she had wanted to say before. Apparently he had just discovered another way to silence her. He mentally stored away that information for later use.
His smugness disappeared entirely, when she undid the top buttons of the shirt he wore underneath his robes and let her fingers trace over his naked skin. Her hand stilled when she felt his heart beating anxiously underneath her palm. She noticed he had frozen in shock and saw the questioning expression in his eyes. This was a crucial moment. Her fingers softly curled around his hand and brought it to her chest. He could feel the anxious drumming of her heart underneath his fingers and looked at her in astonishment.
“I’m just as nervous as you are,” she answered the unspoken question in his eyes.
“We don’t have to…”
“I know, but I very much want to.”
A pause.“Me too.”
“Good” Abby smiled at him. “Because for a moment I thought I would have to talk you into having sex with me.”
“Oh, I don’t think that will be necessary. I’m already convinced that it’s a brilliant idea.” He mirrored her smile before he slowly leaned down to kiss her.