And with each mile
CHAPTER 39: CALIFUCKINFORNIA Part 2
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Zaylor / Hancest
Pairing: Zac & Taylor
About the story: Zac & Taylor's relationship broke up when they got caught kissing by the press and their career were over in a split of a second. To continue a normal life and to take a break from his brother, Taylor starts to study at a College in London but the long distance between them can't stop their feelings for each other.
Notes: Please bear with our writing, we're not from an English speaking country.
Dear reader, sorry for the delay. As we're not from an english speaking country we needed some more to time finish the new chapters. Thanks to everyone for your patience. Please feel free to comment, we love to hear your thoughts and appreciate everyone's feedback!
Taylor
We arrived in L.A. at late afternoon, Zac and Taylor's excellent adventure hadn't experienced any mentionable incidents so far except Zachary's usual fights with stewardesses and insults against the pilots but this time they were passing by me like unreal dreams because I wasn't able to get his twink ex boyfriends out of my mind...
Quite frankly I was afraid Zac might realize that a party life in L.A. would seem more interesting and adventurous to him, and I felt that our relationship was put to the test during this trip. He was charming to me during our journey out, he even consisted of carrying my suitcase the entire time but that was only a cold comfort for me.
"We can stay at my friends house Scott Favor," he told me as a side note after typing a few messages in his mobile phone.
Wonderful. Who's named Scott Favor? The name already sounded like a porn star. Even his house looked spick and span.
"Honestly I'd rather sleep with you in a hotel," I said when we got out of the cab. The stuffy air and glaring sun of L.A. were greeting us, my hackles roused and everything in me fended against my positive sense. I just didn't want to meet one of his fucking twinks friends who would be ten times sexier and more assertive than me.
When I didn't make a move to get going, Zac stepped closer to me and took my chin in his hand. Another feature that I appreciate at my brother was that he did always notice my reactions, although sometimes he didn't care. I guess it was something like a close tie between brothers that he was able to sense how I felt.
"You have nothing to worry Baby, they are the ones who will actually be jealous of my sexy boyfriend," he smirked.
Oh yeah, I'm absolutely convinced of that. They would be totally delighted that I stole their party mate. I already felt like an intruder when Zac used the doorbell. Think positive Taylor I thought to myself.
A tall guy with dark shaggy hair opened the door for us and like I expected he looked like he just popped out of a porn magazine.
"Hey man," he smiled as soon as he had set eyes on my brother and they greeted and hugged each other in a almost sexual way which made me want to throw up.
Okay step two for our relationship. I knew it couldn't have been always just the two of us, although I wouldn't complain, but I really hadn't expected being confronted with a practical test that soon.
"Hi Scott, this is my brother Taylor." Zachary pointed to me and the male model reached out his hand towards me.
"Nice to meet you." he said with a fake smile on his masculine face.
"Thanks, you too." I mumbled awkwardly.
He turned to Zac and asked "didn't you say in your message you would come with two of your brothers? "
Zac set my suitcase down before he replied "yeah...uhm our eldest brother is temporarily not available."
Male model gave us one more glance of appraisal before he opened his shiny white teeth mouth again.
"Okay, then welcome to my house."
He bent down and took my suitcase from the floor and we followed him into his house. As if a good looking ex boyfriend of my brother wasn't enough, on top of it he also had to be a gentleman.
I felt uncomfortable that he carried my suitcase but I didn't want to voice it out.
"Your brother already told me about you," Scott turned his head to me and gave me a wink.
I cleared my throat, tried to act as disinterested and unimpressive as possible, and raised an eyebrow at him.
"I beg your pardon?"
He just laughed and turned back to Zac.
"He's exactly like you described him."
What the fuck was going on here? I gave Zac an irritated glance but he didn't notice. The brotherly close tie was gone by the wind apparently.
Scott carried my suitcase to a room upstairs in which Zac and I should stay for the next two nights. Honestly I didn't know what I was doing here at all. He handed Zac out the keys and after a few more gay exchange courtesies he finally let us alone.
I sat down on a brown hideous couch beneath the window and crossed my arms. I didn't want to sulk but I regretted that I had not insisted on looking for a hotel room. Furthermore I was mad at Zac that he arranged a night for us without even ask me at me at all. I didn't ask him yet if Scott was one of his ex boyfriends, because honestly I didn't want to know the answer.
My younger brother closed the door and set down his bag pack, he took just a few things with him for our two days stay in L.A. while I on the other hand couldn't feel comfortable if I didn't have the right clothes for a possible special occasion with me which the meeting definitely was for both of us.
"We have to talk!" he announced determined, grabbed my suitcase, opened it and began to place my clothes in the clothes cupboard. I was left in disbelief. I divined where this would lead us. I was convinced he wanted to cause guilt trips in me, although he was the one who should reconsider his decision of our accomodation option. Meanwhile I knew Zac well enough that it was his usual way to deal with situations like this, but I wouldn't let him to charm the pants off me.
I stood up, walked over to him and whipped one of my shirts out of his hand. "You don't need to do this. To stay here was your decision not mine. Placing my clothes in like I intend to stay here will not make anything better."
He looked up at me in complete surprise and then looked irritated. I could read his expression that he clearly didn't like me to stand on his ground.
"What the fuck is wrong with you Taylor? Why do you still question me? Can't you trust me for once that I'm not doing this without any ulterior motives?"
"But... for what else reason?" I shouted angrily. I just couldn't hold my doubts back anymore.
He rolled his eyes and pulled the shirt forcefully out of my hand and continued placing it in.
"Because I like taking care of you." He patted my cheek like I was a little puppy, then his expression turned serious as he spoke out his next command. "And now sit down. Talking about clothes the whole evening is not very appealing," he added determined.
Alright, 1 point for Zac. I didn't know how he managed it but I already felt bad and I reminded myself that I really wanted to show him that I trusted him.
"But how can you expect me to feel comfortable in one of your fucking twink friends houses?" I thought out loud. Oh well, I believe I'm incorrigible.
He looked at me and I already expected a good scolding but he surprised me again and got the giggles.
"What are you laughing at?" I pouted offended.
"You are really cute when you're jealous Tay," he said and pinched my cheek playfully.
I shifted my underlip.
"I'm not. And you didn't answer my question."
He grabbed my shoulder and pushed it lightly down, causing me to sit down again.
"I already told you, you have nothing to worry here Taylor. There is no need to play the drama queen, believe it or not there's nothing between Scott and me."
He looked down to me with his shrewd brown eyes. His expression was genuine but at the same time I knew that he kept the truth to himself sometimes to not make me worried. I guess he had a point.
"Is Scott the reason why you've been so quiet during our outward journey Tay?"
I sat back down on the couch again, watching my younger brother folding and putting my clothes in the clothes cupboard again. As he was finished with my clothes, he took his back pack and just tossed his own clothes into the shelf above mine.
"Uhm yes..." I said and began to fumble at my fingernails.
"You're not a good liar Taylor. What else is bothering you? What did Mom say to you?"
I sighed, I realized that it wouldn't be right continue lying to him, he would notice anyway.
"She was a little mad about the broken chair that you damaged in the hospital and... you just should make sure to control yourself at Dad's funeral."
I really didn't want to sound criticizing him, even though I despise wilful damage to property with passion. But I knew Zachary just couldn't hold back his feelings sometimes.
"I have no notions of give her the pleasure with my attendance anyway," he said in an almost indifferent way. I felt my blood rushing and heart was beating faster.
"What does this mean?" I asked him taken aback, the expression on my face probably more pale than the white walls.
"That does mean I won't attend Dad's funeral," he spoke each word separated.
"But... Zac it's Dad! I mean... you cannot leave me alone... don't you even want to say goodbye at all?"
Now he was the one who let a out a heavy sigh. "Taylor I'm undesirable and the last thing I will do is to force myself to Dad's funeral. And for the record; it is my own decision to go or not to go. You already know that I disapprove faith and church by the way."
His cold words made me sad and I didn't know what to reply.
"No you actually don't. I know that was a lie. You're just saying you do..." I told him quietly. The imagination to go to the funeral and not having Zac at my side made me feel sad.
"Too much dependence from god is only for the helpless." He replied and went to the window. He opened it I watched him spitting far out the window, laughing some as his spit landed in the pool in the garden.
"I wish you would change your mind..." I said sadly but we got interjected by a knock on the door and before I could say more Zac shouted "Come in" and Scott's twink head appeared in the door frame and Zac smirked.
We walked downstairs for dinner shortly afterwards. I tried not to think about a forthcoming experience of Dad's funeral without Zachary. What he didn't know was that our Mam had also began to kind of excluding me in the same way like she was excluding him. I didn't have an opportunity to tell him about it yet but somehow I began to relate to him how he must have felt like getting blamed and excluded from our parents all the time.
We sat down at the table and I felt Zac's knee leaning against mine.
"I have organized a party tomorrow evening at our standard club by the way," Scott said to my younger brother. I glanced over to him but he seemed to be busy inspecting his dinner and just nodded his approval.
"There are many people who want to see you again."
"Cool will be there," Zac answered chewing without deigning to look at me. I felt hurt and like a third wheel but I wasn't in the mood to make a scene in front of Zac's friend, I always preferred cultivated good manners.
"My friend Trevor will come after dinner, we want to watch movie, you guys can join us if you want..."
The situation suddenly became more worse than I expected, sleeping in a house of my brother's ex boyfriend was unbearable enough...
"What kind of?" Zachary asked.
Didn't they even notice me at all?
"Probably a horror movie..." Scott answered.
"That's not the right entertainment for Tay, he always get nightmares from horror movies." Zac said it in a quiet natural way which made me sick. I couldn't deal with the situation anymore.
"Excuse me," I said, pushed the chair back louder than usual, stood up and walked upstairs back in our room. If the damn Meeting wouldn't take place tomorrow I would just take my stuff and leave. I didn't care if they watched me with questioning expressions, I was mad about the way he treated me and didn't care about my opinion and feelings.
Those parties in Barcelona were already not exactly my favorite memories but at least no one knew us there.
How should I be able to defend myself against a whole bunch of those fucking twinks? I hated the thought to be made to look silly and being presented in front of his friends. Angrily I shut the door, pulled my shoes off and laid myself down on the bed. Feeling exhausted and annoyed I lit up a cigarette, I didn't care if Scott liked it or not when I smoked in his guest room.
Zac came in a few seconds later with two plates in his hands and placed them on the nightstand.
"Hey Baby everything okay with you?" he asked softly.
"Go Zac, go and watch horror movies with your fucking friends!" I exclaimed and motioned him to go away but he didn't care.
"Why are you mad?" His surprised tone irritated me and made me even more upset.
What the fuck? I stared at him in disbelief.
"Why did you say that bullshit about me Zac?"
"It wasn't bullshit, you know it's true Tay."
"You didn't have to tell him about it, he doesn't need to know that!"
"Do you really care what he thinks about you?"
"That's not the point! You embarrassed me in front of your friend. Just because I may look like a girl, you shouldn't treat me like one." I complained bitterly. Zachary knew very well how many jokes about my girly look I experienced in the past and that it embarassed me when he also treated me like that.
"I just needed an excuse to spend the evening with you." he stated simply.
Why did he always act so complicated and inscrutable? He was so confusing.
"Oh thank you." I replied in a sarcastic tone and turned my back to him.
"I know that you don't want to spend the evening with them. I'm sorry if I did hurt you Tay, I'll stay here with you," he suddenly apologized, sat down at me and stroked over my arm.
I silenced for a few minutes, I felt bifid, on the one hand I was still mad with him but on the other hand I was glad that he preferred to spend the rest time of the evening with me than with his friends.
"I will not go with you to that party after the meeting tomorrow!" I stated as determined as possible.
"Alright I will not force you," he replied in an understanding tone and continued stroking my arm.
It kinda confused me that he did accept my decision this time.
"I can decline the invititation if you want me to..." he suddenly said and intended to stand up again.
"No no, that's what I meant... I don't wanna forbid you to see your friends." I quickly turned around and hold onto his arm.
He gave me a frown.
"Are you sure Taylor?"
I nodded.
"So you really don't have a problem with me going alone to the party?"
Yes I have thousands of problems with it. But hesitation would only prove him jealousy and mistrust so I tried to act unaware.
"I guess we don't need to stick together all day long," I mumbled absently and added "but you have to understand those are your friends, not mine."
"Fine Taylor. And you smoked enough now!" he answered and reached out his hand. Before I could say something he pulled the cigarette stub out of my lips and stubbed it out in the ashtray, leaving me confused once again even though I was already used to his bossy behavior towards me.
Honestly, I was worried what he would do at the party or which unknown drunken stages he would test in the field but he didn't give me a reason not to trust him so far.
A while later we were lying in a comfy double bed after Zac took off his last piece of clothing and I enjoyed the feeling of his warm body against my back and his steady hot breath in my neck. We were holding hands and somehow it reminded me of our first innocent nights in London. I wasn't in the mood anymore to talk about the funeral or the party I just wanted him to ease my sorrow and make me feel a little bit better.
"Zac?" I whispered innocently.
"Hmm?"
"Why do you love me?"
"I already told you the reasons Tay."
"Just tell me one more reason." I pressed demandingly.
I knew it was difficult to convert Zac in a romantic mood but I just needed his affirmation right now.
He silenced for a moment, then he suddenly began to grin broadly from one ear to the other.
"Because you make me feel like a hero."
Needless to say his answer was another typical Zac Hanson statement I should have expected.
I rolled my eyes but couldn't help to smile as well about his ruthlessly candid arrogance. We were quiet for a few minutes until I broke the silence again.
"I love you for taking care of me Zac." I whispered in the darkness.
"That's my assignment," he stated proudly, still smiling a little and bent over to peck my cheek. He began to place kisses on my shoulder and my neck, I could feel his hands wandering downwards to my butt.
"Zac stop it!" I winced, taken aback.
"Why?" His voice sounded almost surprised.
"Scott might hear us!!" I turned my head to him and stared at him in disbelief. Did he really think of sex right now?!?
"Well, I'd say!" He replied in a husky voice and continued fumbling at the waistband of my boxers, uncaring about possible consequences. He was absolutely crazy, I wasn't even surprised that he wasn't ashamed at all to have sex everywhere, but the thought of his listening twink friends in a sideroom adjacent to ours made the situation unthinkable to me.
"Zac, I don't how to say this but I'm not ready to have sex here. I don't feel comfortable." I eventually admitted. I reached my arm down and grabbed his wrist slowly to remove his hand away from my pants and pulled it around my chest instead.
He didn't say anything and I felt the need again to say something, coz I needed to know if he was disappointed.
"Zac...? Are you mad?" I shyly asked.
"No I'm not mad. Let's sleep now. Tomorrow is a very important day for us." He extended his arm and turned the lights out.
"Can we cuddle instead?" I whispered in the darkness.
"Are you scared?"
"No, I'm just.. you know... longing for some comfort."
"Come closer," He said and I nodded and snuggled closer against his chest. As varying his moods always were, it was always nice and peaceful to lie in his protective arms.
******************
Thankfully Scott wasn't at home the next morning, I had absolutely no objections to spend the time before our Meeting alone with Zac.
He had left a short note on the dining table.
Out. Please help yourself. See ya later at the party!
Zac and I enjoyed the privacy and the breakfast which I made for us. Sadly the time ran almost too fast and soon after breakfast we sat in a cab towards the inner city to our meeting. We were a little late because I could hardly decide which outfit would be the best and a perfectly-fitting suit was indispensable for me. A rush of excitement hit me at the thought of starting a new carreer and I noticed my red cheeks in the driving mirror, a typical sign of me in excitement of which I was never able to wean myself off. I was still a little sad that Ike didn't accompany us but I knew that his care about Dad's funeral preperations were honorable and indispensable.
The Kensington Record Labels was an impressive, six storey building in Venice Beach. After Zac tossed a few notes towards the cab driver we got out of the cab and ran through the entrance towards the elevator. Hopefully the meeting would be the begin of a new career for us. It was the first time Zac and I could show our relationship in public and already the thought of it stirred my blood.
This day would decide about our common future and I was glad Zachary didn't let go of my hand when we walked into a noble looking conference room.
We met Dad's friend Kenneth Miller, a tall middle aged man who greeted us friendly before he introduced us to three of his employees.
The next couple of hours consisted of explaining the story of our relationship again and the sudden break of our broken carreer. I had almost forgotten how concentrated and self-controlled Zachary could be it when it comes to our music business.
"We have come to known that a paparazzi named 'Jeff Fenster' is the responsible person for the photos which made their way across the globe two years ago," Kenneth informed us. Even though we couldn't change the past, I knew the name would burn into our minds forever.
Like Dad told us we tried to gave them a factual statement about our relationship, at least Kenneth already seemed to be well informed about us. He asked us about Isaac, it was surprising for them that he didn't accompany us because they actually expected to see the three of us but we couldn't tell them about his final decision at that moment.
"Due to circumstances of our father's death we didn't have the opportunity to talk about our common musical future with our oldest brother yet," Zachary said and I added "we will speak with him as soon as we can..." hoping to sound positive... but as longer as our talk was going the more nervous I got... and I barely could hold my lower legs still.
Like usual Zachary was more calm than me, he held my hand under the table, I wouldn't have known how I managed the discussion without him. We already talked about the story of our relationship a few hundred times in the last two years and usually we were used to it but this time was different for us, coz we both knew it would make a life changing decision about our musical future.
I would have paid my soul to read their minds if they would support us to create our own record label and Zac surely felt the same.
Most of the time Kenneth was the one who talked with us. "Well, as your eldest brother is not here of the moment we can only work with you two together for now. Do you have already cogitated how you will proceed if he will not comply? You guys will need a new guitar player or we have to rework the plans for your new music."
Honestly we never thought about the option of Zac and me making music without Isaac so far. It just seemed strange and unusual but we were here to make a decision no matter how hard it would be for us. I hoped it wouldn't gave them rise to doubts about us.
Another surprise happened when Kenneth asked us if we ever trained our instruments after we ceased with our music two years ago, to get to know if we were able to continue where we left off and Zachary admitted that he still played his drums regulary, even though I never saw him playing. I also couldn't abandon playing piano completely. I played for the last time when I was still attending College classes in London and I just recently let my stuff get shipped home.
After a long gruelling conversation they finally seemed to be satisfied with all informations we told them and let us alone for a while. We would receive a final decision after another talk with his employees and I could honestly tell it was the longest hour in our life so far.
Zac and I sat down on a bench in the hallway until they would call us in again.
"I didn't know that you still play drums regulary," I said to Zachary, as we were waiting. I lit up a cigarette, even though I knew it wouldn't help me to calm my nerves.
"Where the fuck to you think my biceps comes from?!?" He raised an eyebrow at me, pulled up his sleeve and presented his upper arms in a way which would have made me laughing if I wouldn't have been so nervously.
I rolled my eyes about his arrogance, the stakes could not be higher and he had nothing better to do than to present his muscles to me. I couldn't avoid to break into shivers. Our own record company would solve our problems and would give us new hope for the future and our relationship but it was still on the balance.
"Zac do you believe they will give us a chance?"
He laid his hand on my shoulder and pulled me closer to him.
"I think we are strong enough to fight with or without a record company."
I let out a heavy sigh of cigarette smoke and laid my head against his shoulder.
"What about Ike?"
"I don't know Tay. But this is our dream and we have to find a way to make music with or without him."
I raised my head and looked up to him in his big brown eyes, trying to read his mind.
"Are you sure we can handle that? You know that I can't endure the thought that we will never get a chance to make music together again."
He stroked soothingly my hair and nodded. "Don't worry Tay, whatever happens I'm always there for you."
His inner security emboldened me to bear with whatever might be ahead of us. I wasn't sure if our expectations were pitched too high or if we could live up to them, all we had was us and our hope.
After a felt sense of three more hours and a couple of cigarettes later, the door finally opened and Kenneth called us in again. Zac took my hand and with shaking legs I walked with him into the conference room. Kenneth thankfully didn't keep us on tenterhooks any longer and he handed us the papers out which documented the creation of our new record label.
I couldn't believe it. "As your father was a very great friend to me I have hope in your future development," Kenneth said and added "but we have to rely on you guys that we can begin with the write and recording process in three weeks, we will see you then here."
Since the death of our father this was the first good news for us. Not for a very long time we were so happy and excited when we left the building minutes later. Everything went well, actually better than we expected and the new feeling that we didn't need to hide our relationship anymore was indescribable.
We would really make music together again with our own record company and it was no dream. Sure we would come to terms with the past and our relationship would always be awkward for some people but together we were strong enough to manage difficulties.
Our Love to the music would give us energy to create a new album, for the first time we were positive looking in our common future. The sudden excitement let Zachary and me hardly containing ourself and shortly after we stepped in the elevator he pushed me against the walls and kissed me passionately like he was about to eat me up.
"Zac, we have managed it. Can you believe it? It still feels like a dream to me..." I smiled happily and beamed full of excitement like a school girl.
"Believe it Tay, it's true." He replied.
"Honestly, for a moment I thought you would begin to throw peanuts or other things on them if they wouldn't have given us this chance." I said, still contemplating if I was only dreaming.
"Well, if that might have been a help..." he shrugged casually and we both smiled as he kissed me again.
For the very first time we didn't need to be afraid anymore of getting caught by the media. And I loved him, I loved him so fucking much.
We walked hand in hands outside the building, it was already late afternoon and Zac was in a party mood all the more now.
"Are you sure you don't wanna come with me to the party?!? You could have some drinks and loosen up a little," he asked although his invitation sounded more like a command. I nearly squeezed his fingers to death in the last couple of hours. Disappointing him was really not my purpose but I still couldn't deal with the thought to meet more of his twink friends.
"No thanks Zac, I don't think I need an encounter with Austin 1 and Austin 2 in my life. I'm gonna drive back to Scotts house, take a book and spend the rest of the evening reading at the beach." It took everything in me trying to sound as impervious as possible, although I couldn't deny I was worried deep inside. Sitting on the beach and reading seemed more appealing to me than watching him talking and flirting with ex boyfriends and highly likely getting drunk again.
"Alright. I'll see you at the beach later." He answered and handed the keys to Scotts house to me.
"How will you find me?" I frowned at him.
"Don't worry I will find you. Venice Beach is sparsely populated in the evenings."
"Zac? Can you...?"
"What? Make it short Taylor, the party will not last the whole night," he said impatiently hopping from one foot to the other.
"Can you please do me a favor and not drink not so much tonight? I just mean... that you're still able to keep up yourself."
He let out a guffaw. "Trust me Taylor, I know my limit very well."
Oh yeah, that's what I've seen in London and Barcelona, I thought to myself. But honestly I wasn't sure what worried me more, his alcohol consumption or the hazard of him cheating on me if he might enjoy the togetherness with his old friends a little too much...
I couldn't admit my anxiety, I hated to let him know that I was jealous and I knew he would notice it if I would accompany him on this evening.
Zac put two fingers between his teeth and let out a loudly whistle. He raised his arm and a few seconds later a cab parked next to us. He pecked my cheek and opened the door for me, it was weird for me that in one moment I felt so lucky about the chance of making music again with him but in the next moment already worrying again about our relationship. But I knew that now was my turn to show him my trust. I got on the cab without letting go of his hand, sat down on the passenger seat and looked up to my younger brother who still held the car door open with his other hand.
"I love you Zachary..." was all I could manage to say. He smiled a little, raised my hand up and kissed the back of my hand in a way which made me melt and our farewell even more hard for me.
"I know."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Zaylor / Hancest
Pairing: Zac & Taylor
About the story: Zac & Taylor's relationship broke up when they got caught kissing by the press and their career were over in a split of a second. To continue a normal life and to take a break from his brother, Taylor starts to study at a College in London but the long distance between them can't stop their feelings for each other.
Notes: Please bear with our writing, we're not from an English speaking country.
Dear reader, sorry for the delay. As we're not from an english speaking country we needed some more to time finish the new chapters. Thanks to everyone for your patience. Please feel free to comment, we love to hear your thoughts and appreciate everyone's feedback!
Taylor
We arrived in L.A. at late afternoon, Zac and Taylor's excellent adventure hadn't experienced any mentionable incidents so far except Zachary's usual fights with stewardesses and insults against the pilots but this time they were passing by me like unreal dreams because I wasn't able to get his twink ex boyfriends out of my mind...
Quite frankly I was afraid Zac might realize that a party life in L.A. would seem more interesting and adventurous to him, and I felt that our relationship was put to the test during this trip. He was charming to me during our journey out, he even consisted of carrying my suitcase the entire time but that was only a cold comfort for me.
"We can stay at my friends house Scott Favor," he told me as a side note after typing a few messages in his mobile phone.
Wonderful. Who's named Scott Favor? The name already sounded like a porn star. Even his house looked spick and span.
"Honestly I'd rather sleep with you in a hotel," I said when we got out of the cab. The stuffy air and glaring sun of L.A. were greeting us, my hackles roused and everything in me fended against my positive sense. I just didn't want to meet one of his fucking twinks friends who would be ten times sexier and more assertive than me.
When I didn't make a move to get going, Zac stepped closer to me and took my chin in his hand. Another feature that I appreciate at my brother was that he did always notice my reactions, although sometimes he didn't care. I guess it was something like a close tie between brothers that he was able to sense how I felt.
"You have nothing to worry Baby, they are the ones who will actually be jealous of my sexy boyfriend," he smirked.
Oh yeah, I'm absolutely convinced of that. They would be totally delighted that I stole their party mate. I already felt like an intruder when Zac used the doorbell. Think positive Taylor I thought to myself.
A tall guy with dark shaggy hair opened the door for us and like I expected he looked like he just popped out of a porn magazine.
"Hey man," he smiled as soon as he had set eyes on my brother and they greeted and hugged each other in a almost sexual way which made me want to throw up.
Okay step two for our relationship. I knew it couldn't have been always just the two of us, although I wouldn't complain, but I really hadn't expected being confronted with a practical test that soon.
"Hi Scott, this is my brother Taylor." Zachary pointed to me and the male model reached out his hand towards me.
"Nice to meet you." he said with a fake smile on his masculine face.
"Thanks, you too." I mumbled awkwardly.
He turned to Zac and asked "didn't you say in your message you would come with two of your brothers? "
Zac set my suitcase down before he replied "yeah...uhm our eldest brother is temporarily not available."
Male model gave us one more glance of appraisal before he opened his shiny white teeth mouth again.
"Okay, then welcome to my house."
He bent down and took my suitcase from the floor and we followed him into his house. As if a good looking ex boyfriend of my brother wasn't enough, on top of it he also had to be a gentleman.
I felt uncomfortable that he carried my suitcase but I didn't want to voice it out.
"Your brother already told me about you," Scott turned his head to me and gave me a wink.
I cleared my throat, tried to act as disinterested and unimpressive as possible, and raised an eyebrow at him.
"I beg your pardon?"
He just laughed and turned back to Zac.
"He's exactly like you described him."
What the fuck was going on here? I gave Zac an irritated glance but he didn't notice. The brotherly close tie was gone by the wind apparently.
Scott carried my suitcase to a room upstairs in which Zac and I should stay for the next two nights. Honestly I didn't know what I was doing here at all. He handed Zac out the keys and after a few more gay exchange courtesies he finally let us alone.
I sat down on a brown hideous couch beneath the window and crossed my arms. I didn't want to sulk but I regretted that I had not insisted on looking for a hotel room. Furthermore I was mad at Zac that he arranged a night for us without even ask me at me at all. I didn't ask him yet if Scott was one of his ex boyfriends, because honestly I didn't want to know the answer.
My younger brother closed the door and set down his bag pack, he took just a few things with him for our two days stay in L.A. while I on the other hand couldn't feel comfortable if I didn't have the right clothes for a possible special occasion with me which the meeting definitely was for both of us.
"We have to talk!" he announced determined, grabbed my suitcase, opened it and began to place my clothes in the clothes cupboard. I was left in disbelief. I divined where this would lead us. I was convinced he wanted to cause guilt trips in me, although he was the one who should reconsider his decision of our accomodation option. Meanwhile I knew Zac well enough that it was his usual way to deal with situations like this, but I wouldn't let him to charm the pants off me.
I stood up, walked over to him and whipped one of my shirts out of his hand. "You don't need to do this. To stay here was your decision not mine. Placing my clothes in like I intend to stay here will not make anything better."
He looked up at me in complete surprise and then looked irritated. I could read his expression that he clearly didn't like me to stand on his ground.
"What the fuck is wrong with you Taylor? Why do you still question me? Can't you trust me for once that I'm not doing this without any ulterior motives?"
"But... for what else reason?" I shouted angrily. I just couldn't hold my doubts back anymore.
He rolled his eyes and pulled the shirt forcefully out of my hand and continued placing it in.
"Because I like taking care of you." He patted my cheek like I was a little puppy, then his expression turned serious as he spoke out his next command. "And now sit down. Talking about clothes the whole evening is not very appealing," he added determined.
Alright, 1 point for Zac. I didn't know how he managed it but I already felt bad and I reminded myself that I really wanted to show him that I trusted him.
"But how can you expect me to feel comfortable in one of your fucking twink friends houses?" I thought out loud. Oh well, I believe I'm incorrigible.
He looked at me and I already expected a good scolding but he surprised me again and got the giggles.
"What are you laughing at?" I pouted offended.
"You are really cute when you're jealous Tay," he said and pinched my cheek playfully.
I shifted my underlip.
"I'm not. And you didn't answer my question."
He grabbed my shoulder and pushed it lightly down, causing me to sit down again.
"I already told you, you have nothing to worry here Taylor. There is no need to play the drama queen, believe it or not there's nothing between Scott and me."
He looked down to me with his shrewd brown eyes. His expression was genuine but at the same time I knew that he kept the truth to himself sometimes to not make me worried. I guess he had a point.
"Is Scott the reason why you've been so quiet during our outward journey Tay?"
I sat back down on the couch again, watching my younger brother folding and putting my clothes in the clothes cupboard again. As he was finished with my clothes, he took his back pack and just tossed his own clothes into the shelf above mine.
"Uhm yes..." I said and began to fumble at my fingernails.
"You're not a good liar Taylor. What else is bothering you? What did Mom say to you?"
I sighed, I realized that it wouldn't be right continue lying to him, he would notice anyway.
"She was a little mad about the broken chair that you damaged in the hospital and... you just should make sure to control yourself at Dad's funeral."
I really didn't want to sound criticizing him, even though I despise wilful damage to property with passion. But I knew Zachary just couldn't hold back his feelings sometimes.
"I have no notions of give her the pleasure with my attendance anyway," he said in an almost indifferent way. I felt my blood rushing and heart was beating faster.
"What does this mean?" I asked him taken aback, the expression on my face probably more pale than the white walls.
"That does mean I won't attend Dad's funeral," he spoke each word separated.
"But... Zac it's Dad! I mean... you cannot leave me alone... don't you even want to say goodbye at all?"
Now he was the one who let a out a heavy sigh. "Taylor I'm undesirable and the last thing I will do is to force myself to Dad's funeral. And for the record; it is my own decision to go or not to go. You already know that I disapprove faith and church by the way."
His cold words made me sad and I didn't know what to reply.
"No you actually don't. I know that was a lie. You're just saying you do..." I told him quietly. The imagination to go to the funeral and not having Zac at my side made me feel sad.
"Too much dependence from god is only for the helpless." He replied and went to the window. He opened it I watched him spitting far out the window, laughing some as his spit landed in the pool in the garden.
"I wish you would change your mind..." I said sadly but we got interjected by a knock on the door and before I could say more Zac shouted "Come in" and Scott's twink head appeared in the door frame and Zac smirked.
We walked downstairs for dinner shortly afterwards. I tried not to think about a forthcoming experience of Dad's funeral without Zachary. What he didn't know was that our Mam had also began to kind of excluding me in the same way like she was excluding him. I didn't have an opportunity to tell him about it yet but somehow I began to relate to him how he must have felt like getting blamed and excluded from our parents all the time.
We sat down at the table and I felt Zac's knee leaning against mine.
"I have organized a party tomorrow evening at our standard club by the way," Scott said to my younger brother. I glanced over to him but he seemed to be busy inspecting his dinner and just nodded his approval.
"There are many people who want to see you again."
"Cool will be there," Zac answered chewing without deigning to look at me. I felt hurt and like a third wheel but I wasn't in the mood to make a scene in front of Zac's friend, I always preferred cultivated good manners.
"My friend Trevor will come after dinner, we want to watch movie, you guys can join us if you want..."
The situation suddenly became more worse than I expected, sleeping in a house of my brother's ex boyfriend was unbearable enough...
"What kind of?" Zachary asked.
Didn't they even notice me at all?
"Probably a horror movie..." Scott answered.
"That's not the right entertainment for Tay, he always get nightmares from horror movies." Zac said it in a quiet natural way which made me sick. I couldn't deal with the situation anymore.
"Excuse me," I said, pushed the chair back louder than usual, stood up and walked upstairs back in our room. If the damn Meeting wouldn't take place tomorrow I would just take my stuff and leave. I didn't care if they watched me with questioning expressions, I was mad about the way he treated me and didn't care about my opinion and feelings.
Those parties in Barcelona were already not exactly my favorite memories but at least no one knew us there.
How should I be able to defend myself against a whole bunch of those fucking twinks? I hated the thought to be made to look silly and being presented in front of his friends. Angrily I shut the door, pulled my shoes off and laid myself down on the bed. Feeling exhausted and annoyed I lit up a cigarette, I didn't care if Scott liked it or not when I smoked in his guest room.
Zac came in a few seconds later with two plates in his hands and placed them on the nightstand.
"Hey Baby everything okay with you?" he asked softly.
"Go Zac, go and watch horror movies with your fucking friends!" I exclaimed and motioned him to go away but he didn't care.
"Why are you mad?" His surprised tone irritated me and made me even more upset.
What the fuck? I stared at him in disbelief.
"Why did you say that bullshit about me Zac?"
"It wasn't bullshit, you know it's true Tay."
"You didn't have to tell him about it, he doesn't need to know that!"
"Do you really care what he thinks about you?"
"That's not the point! You embarrassed me in front of your friend. Just because I may look like a girl, you shouldn't treat me like one." I complained bitterly. Zachary knew very well how many jokes about my girly look I experienced in the past and that it embarassed me when he also treated me like that.
"I just needed an excuse to spend the evening with you." he stated simply.
Why did he always act so complicated and inscrutable? He was so confusing.
"Oh thank you." I replied in a sarcastic tone and turned my back to him.
"I know that you don't want to spend the evening with them. I'm sorry if I did hurt you Tay, I'll stay here with you," he suddenly apologized, sat down at me and stroked over my arm.
I silenced for a few minutes, I felt bifid, on the one hand I was still mad with him but on the other hand I was glad that he preferred to spend the rest time of the evening with me than with his friends.
"I will not go with you to that party after the meeting tomorrow!" I stated as determined as possible.
"Alright I will not force you," he replied in an understanding tone and continued stroking my arm.
It kinda confused me that he did accept my decision this time.
"I can decline the invititation if you want me to..." he suddenly said and intended to stand up again.
"No no, that's what I meant... I don't wanna forbid you to see your friends." I quickly turned around and hold onto his arm.
He gave me a frown.
"Are you sure Taylor?"
I nodded.
"So you really don't have a problem with me going alone to the party?"
Yes I have thousands of problems with it. But hesitation would only prove him jealousy and mistrust so I tried to act unaware.
"I guess we don't need to stick together all day long," I mumbled absently and added "but you have to understand those are your friends, not mine."
"Fine Taylor. And you smoked enough now!" he answered and reached out his hand. Before I could say something he pulled the cigarette stub out of my lips and stubbed it out in the ashtray, leaving me confused once again even though I was already used to his bossy behavior towards me.
Honestly, I was worried what he would do at the party or which unknown drunken stages he would test in the field but he didn't give me a reason not to trust him so far.
A while later we were lying in a comfy double bed after Zac took off his last piece of clothing and I enjoyed the feeling of his warm body against my back and his steady hot breath in my neck. We were holding hands and somehow it reminded me of our first innocent nights in London. I wasn't in the mood anymore to talk about the funeral or the party I just wanted him to ease my sorrow and make me feel a little bit better.
"Zac?" I whispered innocently.
"Hmm?"
"Why do you love me?"
"I already told you the reasons Tay."
"Just tell me one more reason." I pressed demandingly.
I knew it was difficult to convert Zac in a romantic mood but I just needed his affirmation right now.
He silenced for a moment, then he suddenly began to grin broadly from one ear to the other.
"Because you make me feel like a hero."
Needless to say his answer was another typical Zac Hanson statement I should have expected.
I rolled my eyes but couldn't help to smile as well about his ruthlessly candid arrogance. We were quiet for a few minutes until I broke the silence again.
"I love you for taking care of me Zac." I whispered in the darkness.
"That's my assignment," he stated proudly, still smiling a little and bent over to peck my cheek. He began to place kisses on my shoulder and my neck, I could feel his hands wandering downwards to my butt.
"Zac stop it!" I winced, taken aback.
"Why?" His voice sounded almost surprised.
"Scott might hear us!!" I turned my head to him and stared at him in disbelief. Did he really think of sex right now?!?
"Well, I'd say!" He replied in a husky voice and continued fumbling at the waistband of my boxers, uncaring about possible consequences. He was absolutely crazy, I wasn't even surprised that he wasn't ashamed at all to have sex everywhere, but the thought of his listening twink friends in a sideroom adjacent to ours made the situation unthinkable to me.
"Zac, I don't how to say this but I'm not ready to have sex here. I don't feel comfortable." I eventually admitted. I reached my arm down and grabbed his wrist slowly to remove his hand away from my pants and pulled it around my chest instead.
He didn't say anything and I felt the need again to say something, coz I needed to know if he was disappointed.
"Zac...? Are you mad?" I shyly asked.
"No I'm not mad. Let's sleep now. Tomorrow is a very important day for us." He extended his arm and turned the lights out.
"Can we cuddle instead?" I whispered in the darkness.
"Are you scared?"
"No, I'm just.. you know... longing for some comfort."
"Come closer," He said and I nodded and snuggled closer against his chest. As varying his moods always were, it was always nice and peaceful to lie in his protective arms.
******************
Thankfully Scott wasn't at home the next morning, I had absolutely no objections to spend the time before our Meeting alone with Zac.
He had left a short note on the dining table.
Out. Please help yourself. See ya later at the party!
Zac and I enjoyed the privacy and the breakfast which I made for us. Sadly the time ran almost too fast and soon after breakfast we sat in a cab towards the inner city to our meeting. We were a little late because I could hardly decide which outfit would be the best and a perfectly-fitting suit was indispensable for me. A rush of excitement hit me at the thought of starting a new carreer and I noticed my red cheeks in the driving mirror, a typical sign of me in excitement of which I was never able to wean myself off. I was still a little sad that Ike didn't accompany us but I knew that his care about Dad's funeral preperations were honorable and indispensable.
The Kensington Record Labels was an impressive, six storey building in Venice Beach. After Zac tossed a few notes towards the cab driver we got out of the cab and ran through the entrance towards the elevator. Hopefully the meeting would be the begin of a new career for us. It was the first time Zac and I could show our relationship in public and already the thought of it stirred my blood.
This day would decide about our common future and I was glad Zachary didn't let go of my hand when we walked into a noble looking conference room.
We met Dad's friend Kenneth Miller, a tall middle aged man who greeted us friendly before he introduced us to three of his employees.
The next couple of hours consisted of explaining the story of our relationship again and the sudden break of our broken carreer. I had almost forgotten how concentrated and self-controlled Zachary could be it when it comes to our music business.
"We have come to known that a paparazzi named 'Jeff Fenster' is the responsible person for the photos which made their way across the globe two years ago," Kenneth informed us. Even though we couldn't change the past, I knew the name would burn into our minds forever.
Like Dad told us we tried to gave them a factual statement about our relationship, at least Kenneth already seemed to be well informed about us. He asked us about Isaac, it was surprising for them that he didn't accompany us because they actually expected to see the three of us but we couldn't tell them about his final decision at that moment.
"Due to circumstances of our father's death we didn't have the opportunity to talk about our common musical future with our oldest brother yet," Zachary said and I added "we will speak with him as soon as we can..." hoping to sound positive... but as longer as our talk was going the more nervous I got... and I barely could hold my lower legs still.
Like usual Zachary was more calm than me, he held my hand under the table, I wouldn't have known how I managed the discussion without him. We already talked about the story of our relationship a few hundred times in the last two years and usually we were used to it but this time was different for us, coz we both knew it would make a life changing decision about our musical future.
I would have paid my soul to read their minds if they would support us to create our own record label and Zac surely felt the same.
Most of the time Kenneth was the one who talked with us. "Well, as your eldest brother is not here of the moment we can only work with you two together for now. Do you have already cogitated how you will proceed if he will not comply? You guys will need a new guitar player or we have to rework the plans for your new music."
Honestly we never thought about the option of Zac and me making music without Isaac so far. It just seemed strange and unusual but we were here to make a decision no matter how hard it would be for us. I hoped it wouldn't gave them rise to doubts about us.
Another surprise happened when Kenneth asked us if we ever trained our instruments after we ceased with our music two years ago, to get to know if we were able to continue where we left off and Zachary admitted that he still played his drums regulary, even though I never saw him playing. I also couldn't abandon playing piano completely. I played for the last time when I was still attending College classes in London and I just recently let my stuff get shipped home.
After a long gruelling conversation they finally seemed to be satisfied with all informations we told them and let us alone for a while. We would receive a final decision after another talk with his employees and I could honestly tell it was the longest hour in our life so far.
Zac and I sat down on a bench in the hallway until they would call us in again.
"I didn't know that you still play drums regulary," I said to Zachary, as we were waiting. I lit up a cigarette, even though I knew it wouldn't help me to calm my nerves.
"Where the fuck to you think my biceps comes from?!?" He raised an eyebrow at me, pulled up his sleeve and presented his upper arms in a way which would have made me laughing if I wouldn't have been so nervously.
I rolled my eyes about his arrogance, the stakes could not be higher and he had nothing better to do than to present his muscles to me. I couldn't avoid to break into shivers. Our own record company would solve our problems and would give us new hope for the future and our relationship but it was still on the balance.
"Zac do you believe they will give us a chance?"
He laid his hand on my shoulder and pulled me closer to him.
"I think we are strong enough to fight with or without a record company."
I let out a heavy sigh of cigarette smoke and laid my head against his shoulder.
"What about Ike?"
"I don't know Tay. But this is our dream and we have to find a way to make music with or without him."
I raised my head and looked up to him in his big brown eyes, trying to read his mind.
"Are you sure we can handle that? You know that I can't endure the thought that we will never get a chance to make music together again."
He stroked soothingly my hair and nodded. "Don't worry Tay, whatever happens I'm always there for you."
His inner security emboldened me to bear with whatever might be ahead of us. I wasn't sure if our expectations were pitched too high or if we could live up to them, all we had was us and our hope.
After a felt sense of three more hours and a couple of cigarettes later, the door finally opened and Kenneth called us in again. Zac took my hand and with shaking legs I walked with him into the conference room. Kenneth thankfully didn't keep us on tenterhooks any longer and he handed us the papers out which documented the creation of our new record label.
I couldn't believe it. "As your father was a very great friend to me I have hope in your future development," Kenneth said and added "but we have to rely on you guys that we can begin with the write and recording process in three weeks, we will see you then here."
Since the death of our father this was the first good news for us. Not for a very long time we were so happy and excited when we left the building minutes later. Everything went well, actually better than we expected and the new feeling that we didn't need to hide our relationship anymore was indescribable.
We would really make music together again with our own record company and it was no dream. Sure we would come to terms with the past and our relationship would always be awkward for some people but together we were strong enough to manage difficulties.
Our Love to the music would give us energy to create a new album, for the first time we were positive looking in our common future. The sudden excitement let Zachary and me hardly containing ourself and shortly after we stepped in the elevator he pushed me against the walls and kissed me passionately like he was about to eat me up.
"Zac, we have managed it. Can you believe it? It still feels like a dream to me..." I smiled happily and beamed full of excitement like a school girl.
"Believe it Tay, it's true." He replied.
"Honestly, for a moment I thought you would begin to throw peanuts or other things on them if they wouldn't have given us this chance." I said, still contemplating if I was only dreaming.
"Well, if that might have been a help..." he shrugged casually and we both smiled as he kissed me again.
For the very first time we didn't need to be afraid anymore of getting caught by the media. And I loved him, I loved him so fucking much.
We walked hand in hands outside the building, it was already late afternoon and Zac was in a party mood all the more now.
"Are you sure you don't wanna come with me to the party?!? You could have some drinks and loosen up a little," he asked although his invitation sounded more like a command. I nearly squeezed his fingers to death in the last couple of hours. Disappointing him was really not my purpose but I still couldn't deal with the thought to meet more of his twink friends.
"No thanks Zac, I don't think I need an encounter with Austin 1 and Austin 2 in my life. I'm gonna drive back to Scotts house, take a book and spend the rest of the evening reading at the beach." It took everything in me trying to sound as impervious as possible, although I couldn't deny I was worried deep inside. Sitting on the beach and reading seemed more appealing to me than watching him talking and flirting with ex boyfriends and highly likely getting drunk again.
"Alright. I'll see you at the beach later." He answered and handed the keys to Scotts house to me.
"How will you find me?" I frowned at him.
"Don't worry I will find you. Venice Beach is sparsely populated in the evenings."
"Zac? Can you...?"
"What? Make it short Taylor, the party will not last the whole night," he said impatiently hopping from one foot to the other.
"Can you please do me a favor and not drink not so much tonight? I just mean... that you're still able to keep up yourself."
He let out a guffaw. "Trust me Taylor, I know my limit very well."
Oh yeah, that's what I've seen in London and Barcelona, I thought to myself. But honestly I wasn't sure what worried me more, his alcohol consumption or the hazard of him cheating on me if he might enjoy the togetherness with his old friends a little too much...
I couldn't admit my anxiety, I hated to let him know that I was jealous and I knew he would notice it if I would accompany him on this evening.
Zac put two fingers between his teeth and let out a loudly whistle. He raised his arm and a few seconds later a cab parked next to us. He pecked my cheek and opened the door for me, it was weird for me that in one moment I felt so lucky about the chance of making music again with him but in the next moment already worrying again about our relationship. But I knew that now was my turn to show him my trust. I got on the cab without letting go of his hand, sat down on the passenger seat and looked up to my younger brother who still held the car door open with his other hand.
"I love you Zachary..." was all I could manage to say. He smiled a little, raised my hand up and kissed the back of my hand in a way which made me melt and our farewell even more hard for me.
"I know."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*