(no subject)
Hi.
Time for the obligitory "summer is over" post. Fuck I hate how I feel the need to make one like everyone else. Oh well, another story for another book.
So, I've been thinking a lot this morning. I chose not to get out of bed, but rather just lay there for two hours and listen to music. I hadn't done that in a while.
So, summer ends today. I didn't get my big party, I didn't get my camping trip, I didn't get to go to Magic Mountain, I didn't even manage to find a job. Part of me wants to call this summer a waste, but I just don't feel like it was. I feel like I've done too much other stuff for it to be a waste. I've had a lot of new experiences, some of them weren't do great but they've been new. Now, I have my first class in 8-months tomorrow morning at 9:05 and I'm scared shitless.
I'm not ready for summer to be over, I'm not ready for my 8-months out to be over. I'm not ready for university. I realized that today when it dawned on me that I have no interest in Frosh. I'd rather spend time with my real friends than people whom I a) don't know, b) don't want to see right now and c) are my friends when it's convinient. I'd rather see Melissa and Dani and Heather and Shawna and Keigs and Jason. My loved ones, my family.
I'm still immature, I'm still arrogant, I'm still self consious, I'm still scared shitless of my life in general. Something is going to happen, I don't know what, but something. The delecate balancing act that I talked about earlier is going to come crashing down. I just know it. I'm not ready to be a grownup.
Last summer I met my two best friends, this summer I almost lost them. One I didn't see for two months, the other didn't think I wanted her around.
I think I've changed as a person since last summer. Last year I needed constant stimulation. I always needed to be out doing something, on the go, never stopping. But I got to thinking yesterday afternoon. Last Labour Day I was at the Stones concert. It was sunny, fun, full of energy; a life experience. This year I went out with Melissa, we went to the Paper Chase, had coffee and sat there for like an hour talking. If I had to give one up, it would have been last year's. That's how I've changed. I appreciate things like that far, far more.
I don't want this summer to end on a bad note. I don't want it to end boringly. I've already got people today that think I don't want to see them anymore. I don't want it to end like that, I want it to end fun and happy.
A lot of things have changed in me over the last two months. I've become even more complicated (if that's at all possible), and discovered more about myself that I thought I would. I've found someone whom I love, and who loves me. I've broken several promises to myself. I've re-evaluated my life choices.
Looking back on my plans, maybe it's time I re-evaluate the Year of Kevin too...
I'm not watching House tonight, I'll be out too late. I was looking forward to that
That's all for now. I didn't say all I wanted to, but I said enough of it.
Peace, and enjoy this last day of summer.
-K
Time for the obligitory "summer is over" post. Fuck I hate how I feel the need to make one like everyone else. Oh well, another story for another book.
So, I've been thinking a lot this morning. I chose not to get out of bed, but rather just lay there for two hours and listen to music. I hadn't done that in a while.
So, summer ends today. I didn't get my big party, I didn't get my camping trip, I didn't get to go to Magic Mountain, I didn't even manage to find a job. Part of me wants to call this summer a waste, but I just don't feel like it was. I feel like I've done too much other stuff for it to be a waste. I've had a lot of new experiences, some of them weren't do great but they've been new. Now, I have my first class in 8-months tomorrow morning at 9:05 and I'm scared shitless.
I'm not ready for summer to be over, I'm not ready for my 8-months out to be over. I'm not ready for university. I realized that today when it dawned on me that I have no interest in Frosh. I'd rather spend time with my real friends than people whom I a) don't know, b) don't want to see right now and c) are my friends when it's convinient. I'd rather see Melissa and Dani and Heather and Shawna and Keigs and Jason. My loved ones, my family.
I'm still immature, I'm still arrogant, I'm still self consious, I'm still scared shitless of my life in general. Something is going to happen, I don't know what, but something. The delecate balancing act that I talked about earlier is going to come crashing down. I just know it. I'm not ready to be a grownup.
Last summer I met my two best friends, this summer I almost lost them. One I didn't see for two months, the other didn't think I wanted her around.
I think I've changed as a person since last summer. Last year I needed constant stimulation. I always needed to be out doing something, on the go, never stopping. But I got to thinking yesterday afternoon. Last Labour Day I was at the Stones concert. It was sunny, fun, full of energy; a life experience. This year I went out with Melissa, we went to the Paper Chase, had coffee and sat there for like an hour talking. If I had to give one up, it would have been last year's. That's how I've changed. I appreciate things like that far, far more.
I don't want this summer to end on a bad note. I don't want it to end boringly. I've already got people today that think I don't want to see them anymore. I don't want it to end like that, I want it to end fun and happy.
A lot of things have changed in me over the last two months. I've become even more complicated (if that's at all possible), and discovered more about myself that I thought I would. I've found someone whom I love, and who loves me. I've broken several promises to myself. I've re-evaluated my life choices.
Looking back on my plans, maybe it's time I re-evaluate the Year of Kevin too...
I'm not watching House tonight, I'll be out too late. I was looking forward to that
That's all for now. I didn't say all I wanted to, but I said enough of it.
Peace, and enjoy this last day of summer.
-K