Following her conversation with Julio over the phone, Rogue had attempted to sleep and found it far too difficult. She had bits of his memory floating around, the nightmares were almost as bad as with Carol. She'd expected something like this, but she'd never expected the depth of despair that she'd found. Rictor masked a lot of things with his
(
Read more... )
"This isn't just some cheap talk, this ain't me tryin' t' make y' understand that Ah'm there and Ah'll relate. This is me tellin' ya. Ah know everything, there ain't nothin' that'll surprise me no more." And even if she was vindictive -which she isn't- she'd never tell a soul anything. "But when Ah say y' got a problem, y' best believe y' got a problem. Ah've seen it, Ah know it, Ah feel it. Y' hidin' places, y'r lil' pick me ups. They ain't just a drink, darlin' an' y'r bringing me down int' it and Gawd Julio, Ah'm ready t' break for ya."
She wants to go to him just like he wants to hug her, wants to wrap him up in her arms and cry with him on the floor. Wants to pull him away from the wall and let him use her for support, for her to be what keeps him up. She wants to keep all his demons at bay and help him through it. But it's just not that simple. "Ah know he is, Ah know it in mah heart. But right now, mah heads tellin' me that he's mine."
Reply
"JUST SHUT UP!" There's no warning as Ric turns and punches the wall, fist breaking through the dry wall and sending plaster all over the floor at his feet. Luckily the only damage that has been done is to the wall and he yanks his fist free, still angry but just as surprised at his own outburst. "Everything in you head is a memory or something, whatever it is your powers do. For me it's life, every single fucking day Rogue! So don't you dare try and even understand or tell me that you have any idea what goes up in my head!"
At least he's rational enough not to hit Rogue or throw something at her, all of this is just him venting his emotions in the only way he knows but as soon as the venting is over he starts to sob, sliding down the wall to sit in heap. "You never killed them, you weren't the one who was there. It was me."
Reply
"An' because you repressed it all and ran away from it rather than dealin' with it, Ah'm the one with a drinkin' problem an' knowing it. Ah'm the one that has nightmares cause Ah won't numb mahself with drink an' a bed partner. Ah'm the one that hears screamin' an' can't turn it off with a little devil may care attitude an' some cheap vodka." She honestly didn't want to be so hurting, but he needed to realise that it wasn't just like watching a movie for her, it turned into her life the moment they touched.
"Y' just don't get it. Ah know Ah wasn't there, Ah didn't do it, Ah don't know that pain. But because y'r in mah mind, because y'r part o' mah life now, Ah feel it all. Don't you see? It ain't something Ah can just turn off, Ah gotta live with this, just like you gotta, but Ah ain't about to turn mahself int' some dependent just because y' ain't got the stones t' turn and face it."
She'd give anything to be able to go over and hug him, to rock him until he stopped sobbing, but she just can't make herself go through the rejection of him pushing her away.
Reply
"Don't you ever question the way I live. I get it, I get that you've living my life in your head because I stupidly touched your skin." Ric punctuates the words by tapping a finger against Rogue's temple, the gesture far from gentle or loving which it would be in other situation. "You want to deal with the shit up there then you deal with it. See if I fucking care because I'm coping. I could have killed myself long ago but I didn't."
And Rogue will know all too well that the thought still lingers in the back of his mind. The fact that he failed once before but he could do it this time if he really wanted to occasionally bubbles up to the surface when he can't get drunk enough to get the haunting memories out his head.
"Whether I'm in your head or not you have no right to kiss Mark. He's mine. Mine. You got that?"
Reply
If it had been only that, he might have been able to stay focused and snap out of it. But he kept tuning into different pasts (Daddynopleasewakeuphecantbedeadwhywonthemove) not all of which were his (haveyoueverbeenkissedgirlohnowhathaveidonewhycanihearhiminmyhead). They tore at his mind, digging into it with sharp claws that wouldn't let go. Frightened and alone, he wanted to go back to the present. But he couldn't remember the way. How was he to get there?
It was the sound of the slap, loud as the crack of a whip, that brought him back. He stood there, not understanding everything that had passed between them. All he knew was he wanted them to stop. "No!" It was all he could muster as he tried to fight off the past (whatstheuseofhavingyourpowersmarkyoudidntwarnme) that threatened to overwhelm him. He sank to his knees, feeling so very tired as the tears pricked the corners of his eyes, threatening to overflow. "Nonononono...."
Reply
Dropping down to his knees Ric wraps himself around Martini, one arm firmly around his boyfriends waist and the other brought up to cup Martini's cheek so Ric can bring his closer and press his lips to the slightly stubbled but warm skin. "Está bien loco. Ahora estás a salvo. Estoy aquí. Yo te protegeré."
Ric keeps up his mantra of comforting words and promises, constant reassurance for Martini to try and latch onto. Glancing up at Rogue, he's so close to yelling at her, telling her that this? This is all her fault but that will mean taking his focus away from Martini and until he's calm enough to try and move him to Ric's room there is nothing that will redirect his focus. "Te amo loco."
Reply
But then, Julio was always the emotional sort, so the tears end up spilling down her face, even as she watches Ric hold Mark and the fact that she wants nothing more than for that to be her, right there with him instead of Rictor.
"Could you," she has to pull back the waver in her voice, her fists clenching at her sides, "could you both just leave? Please." Because with Mark right there, she can't stop herself from feeling how she feels, and with Rictor right there, she can't stop blaming him for how she feels. And she can't watch them right there, with their touches and comforting kisses and those fucking words without her heart breaking apart.
Reply
It was the sensation of touch that finally got through to him. He could feel the warmth of Ric's hand on his cheek and the gentle sensation of his lip leaving a small kiss on his skin each time they touched. While he came back, it wasn't fully, or even mostly. Just enough to function on a basic level. " 'm okay, Ric, really," he mumbled. The words came from far away as his hands carded their way through Ric's hair.
Marie's request very nearly sent him reeling back into his mind completely. All he could do was look at her with the saddest pair of eyes, filled with anguish, love, and confusion. How had this all happened? Could anything ever make it right again?
Reply
With some effort Ric gets to his feet, puling Martini up after him and glaring at Rogue. Thanks to her and her stupid request he's now going to have to deal with Martini feeling like he's been rejected.
"Whatever. We were leaving anyway." Stepping towards the door Ric keeps his fingers entwined with Mark's tugging him along behind him. Julio is reasoning that if he can keep Rogue and Ric apart then it'll be fine, that distance will make sure Rogue gets the message loud and clear that she's not wanted by them... and yet. The look on Martini's face? Well Ric isn't sure that Martini is going to feel the same way, as he looked pretty hurt and didn't seem all that phased by the kiss.
Stamping down on stupid thoughts his mind generates Ric pulls open the door and steps out into the corridor, waiting for Martini to follow before he starts muttering under his breath about selfish bitches and over stepping the line.
Reply
On some level, she understood that her feelings would fade down, and then she'd have to try and patch things with Mark. But Julio and his issues were going to linger; the nightmares, the darkness, the addictions, she'd be battling those long after her affection faded back to her own feelings.
On top of that, she now had the burden of Julio's outburst. She couldn't push past the fact that he'd hit her, that he'd actually slapped her to shut her up and then turned to Mark, hurting her more. She doesn't say a thing as Julio starts to pull Mark from the room, doesn't say anything as she hears him start muttering.
She just wants to be alone so that she can break down in private.
Reply
He tried to get the words out he longed to speak, something to either comfort her or ask her why this had all happened, but nothing came. He was too scattered to focus in on the moment. All he could do was continue to stare at her with the eyes, full of simple and naked emotions that could not be erased. With one last look at Marie, he stepped out after Ric, leaving her to the tears yet to be shed.
Once outside, he turned to Ric. Where there had been purely sadness in his eyes before, now there was also anger. He struggled to find the words he wanted to say. Old snippets from conversations long since finished and future phrases that had yet to hold any meaning kept wanting to bubble up and overtake his voice. Finally, he found one that fit the circumstance and let it come. "Idiota." It was only one word, but it was snapped out with the same intensity as if he'd found the words to yell at Ric.
Reply
The anger directed at him, a look that Ric hasn't often had directed his way at this level of intensity, just earns Mark a closed and shuttered look from Julio. He's waiting for Mark to yell at him, scream at him for slapping Rogue or... anything really, but the only word he gets is idiota. The venom in it still stings and Ric, who'd opened his mouth to respond snaps it back shut and stares at Martini.
Ready to respond he starts coughing into his hand, it sounds worse than it is and of course that attracts nurses who'd already been puzzled by the yelling. He eventually raises his head and waves the nurses off before stepping in closer to Martini, voice low and tone revealing exactly how angry he is.
"Don't call me idiota, Loco. She kissed you, I think I was justified to get angry and... just leave it. Just cállate."
Reply
Mark can't deal with it all. Everything feels so stifling and the walls seem to lean in, threatening to close in around him. It feels like his throat is closing up. He swallows nervously, looking for a way out. "Can't deal with this." He mutters, more to himself than to Ric. He needs to get away before he panics and does something he shouldn't.
Time begins to creep slower and slower, bending to the anxious time manipulator's will. Ric's close proximity saves him from being caught in it. Finally remembering his boyfriend and just how mad he is at him, Martini glares at him with a look usually reserved for those who have mocked his sanity. "Julio, you're going to regret everything so much." It's not a long speech, but it gets the point across.
Suddenly, Martini is gone as surely as if he'd teleported away, leaving Ric alone in the hallways as time begins to revert back to normal. Mark's going to be disappearing until he feels less like he wants to scream, throw up, and cry all at once.
Reply
Leave a comment