Logan's mind had wandered in a thousand different directions, until he hardly knew what he was thinking anymore. The mental block had been the one constant. He needed to keep it up, needed to keep these thoughts from Jean, no matter what. It wasn't that he was afraid it was true, what people said about Jean; it was the chance that they were wrong. They had to be wrong. And if Jean caught him thinking they might be right... that would be horrible. There was no worse way to betray her, to take everything she and him felt for each other and throw it to pieces. And yet... he couldn't help doubting. He couldn't ignore this. Not anymore.
Part of him expected her to come looking for him - and maybe, on some level, he wanted her to. It felt vaguely reassuring, proof that she cared about him, no matter what else might be different than Logan had thought. All the same, he made sure the mental block was firmly in place. Outwardly, though, his emotions were, as usual, more difficult to hide.
"Um... nothing." He scowled, and shook his head a little. "Thinking," he added, as if that explained everything.
Jean let her hand rest against his forearm, her brows knitting a little lower. She was irritated that she couldn't pluck what was bothering him from his head, and know how to work around it, how to play him. But it kept her honest. It showed her the concern she felt for him wasn't something she'd made up in her mind.
"C'mon, I can tell something's bothering you. What's up?" She shifted closer to him on the couch, until she was butted against his side. The hand not holding his arm slid along his back, up into his hair. "Talk to me."
He didn't move away, didn't do anything to stop her reaching out to him. He wanted her to. It was almost as if their love for each other was a separate thing, not related to anything that might be happening to them or going on around them, and knowing it was there was a comfort somehow.
He glanced at her hand on his arm, then looked up at her. "I heard you an' that guy, fighting."
Jean hadn't expected that. She'd been so wound up in her fight with Manuel that she hadn't noticed Logan might've been close. And this was why it was dangerous for her not to have that telepathic net up, the one that told her whenever a mutant mind was near her. There was a reason she'd started doing it in the first place.
"Oh." Her expression shifted slightly as she worked on how she was going to lie her way out of this. She had to lie. "What'd you hear?"
"Something about him owing you. 'Bout him messing up your plans." The first bit was worrying enough; the second was... just too suggestive of the evil schemer people made Jean out to be. Looking away, Logan tilted his head a little, raising his eyebrows. "You were pretty pissed off."
It was his none-too-subtle way of asking what the fight had been about without asking. There was something wrong with the whole thing. That Jean had got so pissed off at someone Logan didn't even know she knew was a concern, and it didn't help that the confrontation had taken place in her room. That was private - and that was their space. Maybe it shouldn't matter, but it did. It made everything even more Logan's business.
"Yeah... I was pissed off." Shit. She scrambled to figure out what it was she had to tell him, what would calm him down, set him off suspicion of her. Which was annoying; this was the second time she'd racked her brain for reason to throw Logan off finding out who she really was. She never put in that much effort.
What Manuel had pulled up in her hadn't been pretense, nor something fake. It was magnified, yes, but not foreign. It was shifting her perceptions of what she needed to do, wanted to do.
"The 'my plans' thing... That was me being overdramatic. But... You remember that loop thing that happened to me?" She had to tread carefully. She didn't know what Martini had seen of her future, specifically, and didn't want to set Logan after him, since he was already pissed off with the nutjob's boyfriend. "I've been trying to... get payback for that. And I know, I shouldn't, but that was just so horrible... I'll stop though." As she looked at him, she realized just how much she meant that statement.
With that explanation, Logan's whole demeanor changed.
"You know who did it?"
He really wasn't looking for Jean to back off getting payback; whoever had done that to her deserved everything they got. He didn't understand why she hadn't gone to him for help, though. Surely she knew he would do anything for her - and, in this case, gladly. She was his, now, and he looked after his own.
She nodded a little, not sure if she wanted to set Logan on Martini's path. Martini might have already gotten on Logan's bad side, but the annoying little fucker did seem to be able to take care of himself. He'd locked Jean up for a good couple hours, hours that she probably wouldn't have spent in that state of mind. It allowed her time to realize just how good Logan was.
It was Martini's fault she was in love with Logan.
Brushing that thought away, she stared at Logan. "No, it wasn't Manuel. But yes, I know who it was. And I don't want you going after him for me. He messed with me, not you. So. I'd asked Manuel to help me, but... he didn't like that idea. And I'd helped him first. He knows what I can do, and asked me to help him with his girlfriend..." Jean hung her head, letting her shoulders drop.
"I'm not proud of what I did for him, but he was supposed to help me, and he didn't... So I undid what I helped him with." At least some of that held some ring of truth to it. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you, Logan."
"Jeannie... If he messed with you, he did mess with me."
He cared very little about Jean's business with Manuel right now; this was far more important. It had been horrible seeing Jean completely broken when she was stuck in a loop, and, one way or another, whoever had done it would get what was coming to him.
I suck I suck I suck I suck.and_intothefireFebruary 1 2010, 22:06:09 UTC
"It doesn't matter who it was Logan. I'm letting it go. And so should you. It doesn't matter."
It very much did matter, and she was going to get her revenge on Martini when the time was right. But for some reason, she didn't want Logan involved. She put it off once again to the same reasons she'd given in her head for why she pulled him off Ric. He needed to keep the hell away from the brig, and even father away from Victor when he was out.
"You're not going to get into any more shit because of me, okay?"
You don't you don't you don't. Oh, and: you don't.45825243_t78_aFebruary 1 2010, 23:10:57 UTC
Logan growled a little and looked away. He couldn't make Jean tell him if she didn't want to, but it hurt that she clearly didn't want to. He wanted to help her. Wasn't that how they'd got together in the first place? And now he could finally really do something for her, she was shutting him out?
He didn't like it. He didn't like any of it. Things were going on that he didn't know about - things that involved people he cared about - and it annoyed the hell out of him. It made him feel powerless. And it didn't help his budding suspicions either.
She could tell he was upset she wasn't telling him. And why she was protecting Martini after what he'd done to her, she damned well didn't know. Jean reached over and placed a hand on his jaw, tilting his face back toward hers. Her brow knit, and she leaned into him, pressing a kiss to his cheek.
"It was Martini." Her voice was a bare whisper, and she somehow regretted telling him. Jean needed Logan to know she trusted him, wanted his help, wanted him to know how important he was to her... And she also needed a rock-solid alibi for the reason Manuel was in her room.
"I'm sorry I haven't told you this, Logan... I just don't want you to get into any more trouble for me." She looked into his eyes, her brow knit.
Am not! Look, this sucks much worse!45825243_t78_aFebruary 2 2010, 22:28:08 UTC
He didn't resist her touch, moving with her hand until she kissed his cheek. His eyes briefly closed at that, only to shoot open when she gave him a name after all.
It was a bigger relief than he would have expected it to be, that she told him anyway. As for who it was, Logan couldn't say he was surprised. He'd always known the nutjob was a grade A asshole. And while Logan wouldn't particularly enjoy beating the shit out of him... better it was Martini than someone else.
"Can't just let him get away with it."
It wasn't as if he was looking to get in trouble, but it was as simple as that; if Martini thought he could do things like that to Jean for no reason (it never occurred to Logan that Martini might have had a reason, let alone a valid one), he needed to be taught a lesson. Jean had been through a lot lately, and none of it would get the slightest chance of happening again if Logan could help it.
OMFG KICK ME PLEASE. :( It doesn't suck at all. I SUCK.and_intothefireFebruary 6 2010, 06:12:29 UTC
"Logan, no." She leaned into him a little more, her forehead resting against his, trying to solidify that connection between them. It was strange behavior to her, wanting the contact between the two of them for no other reason than to have it.
"Just leave it alone. It's not worth you getting into trouble over." She huffed a sigh. "I'm trying to just let it go. I undid what Manuel asked me to do, so he owes me nothing anymore. It's over. I can ignore Martini." Jean slid her hand over Logan's cheek and into his hair, rubbing her forehead against his.
Logan closed his eyes again, focusing on Jean's touch. It calmed him a little. But even if Jean was quick to forgive, Logan was not. He wouldn't go out looking for blood. That much he could do, for her. But he couldn't promise her he wouldn't hurt Martini, because he knew damn well that the next time he'd run into the nutjob, the emotions, the need for revenge, would come rushing back. That goddamn loop joke could've cost Jean her life, with Victor on the prowl.
So he said nothing, exhaling slowly as he slid an arm around Jean's waist, squeezing gently. He needed the closeness now more than ever. Suddenly, something stood between them - something solid and unyielding - and although part of him realized that it wasn't something he could make disappear just like that, he had to try.
She slid over into him as his arm went around her waist. She needed to kick this in the ass, keep it from getting too far outside her control.
And she simply needed Logan, which was the hardest part for her to wrap her head around. Jean never needed anyone. The one person she'd asked to teach her had turned her down, and that was the last time she'd reached out. But here she was, reaching out to Logan, desperate to know that he would be there for her.
Her feeling side had been right. She was going to shatter him into a million pieces.
Jean pulled back and looked at him, her eyes roaming his face before she settled on his eyes. "I love you," she said in a quiet voice. She meant every word of it.
Part of him expected her to come looking for him - and maybe, on some level, he wanted her to. It felt vaguely reassuring, proof that she cared about him, no matter what else might be different than Logan had thought. All the same, he made sure the mental block was firmly in place. Outwardly, though, his emotions were, as usual, more difficult to hide.
"Um... nothing." He scowled, and shook his head a little. "Thinking," he added, as if that explained everything.
Well, it was the truth.
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"C'mon, I can tell something's bothering you. What's up?" She shifted closer to him on the couch, until she was butted against his side. The hand not holding his arm slid along his back, up into his hair. "Talk to me."
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He glanced at her hand on his arm, then looked up at her. "I heard you an' that guy, fighting."
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"Oh." Her expression shifted slightly as she worked on how she was going to lie her way out of this. She had to lie. "What'd you hear?"
She couldn't lose him.
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It was his none-too-subtle way of asking what the fight had been about without asking. There was something wrong with the whole thing. That Jean had got so pissed off at someone Logan didn't even know she knew was a concern, and it didn't help that the confrontation had taken place in her room. That was private - and that was their space. Maybe it shouldn't matter, but it did. It made everything even more Logan's business.
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What Manuel had pulled up in her hadn't been pretense, nor something fake. It was magnified, yes, but not foreign. It was shifting her perceptions of what she needed to do, wanted to do.
"The 'my plans' thing... That was me being overdramatic. But... You remember that loop thing that happened to me?" She had to tread carefully. She didn't know what Martini had seen of her future, specifically, and didn't want to set Logan after him, since he was already pissed off with the nutjob's boyfriend. "I've been trying to... get payback for that. And I know, I shouldn't, but that was just so horrible... I'll stop though." As she looked at him, she realized just how much she meant that statement.
This was very, very bad.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you."
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"You know who did it?"
He really wasn't looking for Jean to back off getting payback; whoever had done that to her deserved everything they got. He didn't understand why she hadn't gone to him for help, though. Surely she knew he would do anything for her - and, in this case, gladly. She was his, now, and he looked after his own.
"Was it him - the Spanish guy?"
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It was Martini's fault she was in love with Logan.
Brushing that thought away, she stared at Logan. "No, it wasn't Manuel. But yes, I know who it was. And I don't want you going after him for me. He messed with me, not you. So. I'd asked Manuel to help me, but... he didn't like that idea. And I'd helped him first. He knows what I can do, and asked me to help him with his girlfriend..." Jean hung her head, letting her shoulders drop.
"I'm not proud of what I did for him, but he was supposed to help me, and he didn't... So I undid what I helped him with." At least some of that held some ring of truth to it. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you, Logan."
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He cared very little about Jean's business with Manuel right now; this was far more important. It had been horrible seeing Jean completely broken when she was stuck in a loop, and, one way or another, whoever had done it would get what was coming to him.
"Who was it?"
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It very much did matter, and she was going to get her revenge on Martini when the time was right. But for some reason, she didn't want Logan involved. She put it off once again to the same reasons she'd given in her head for why she pulled him off Ric. He needed to keep the hell away from the brig, and even father away from Victor when he was out.
"You're not going to get into any more shit because of me, okay?"
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He didn't like it. He didn't like any of it. Things were going on that he didn't know about - things that involved people he cared about - and it annoyed the hell out of him. It made him feel powerless. And it didn't help his budding suspicions either.
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"It was Martini." Her voice was a bare whisper, and she somehow regretted telling him. Jean needed Logan to know she trusted him, wanted his help, wanted him to know how important he was to her... And she also needed a rock-solid alibi for the reason Manuel was in her room.
"I'm sorry I haven't told you this, Logan... I just don't want you to get into any more trouble for me." She looked into his eyes, her brow knit.
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It was a bigger relief than he would have expected it to be, that she told him anyway. As for who it was, Logan couldn't say he was surprised. He'd always known the nutjob was a grade A asshole. And while Logan wouldn't particularly enjoy beating the shit out of him... better it was Martini than someone else.
"Can't just let him get away with it."
It wasn't as if he was looking to get in trouble, but it was as simple as that; if Martini thought he could do things like that to Jean for no reason (it never occurred to Logan that Martini might have had a reason, let alone a valid one), he needed to be taught a lesson. Jean had been through a lot lately, and none of it would get the slightest chance of happening again if Logan could help it.
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"Just leave it alone. It's not worth you getting into trouble over." She huffed a sigh. "I'm trying to just let it go. I undid what Manuel asked me to do, so he owes me nothing anymore. It's over. I can ignore Martini." Jean slid her hand over Logan's cheek and into his hair, rubbing her forehead against his.
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So he said nothing, exhaling slowly as he slid an arm around Jean's waist, squeezing gently. He needed the closeness now more than ever. Suddenly, something stood between them - something solid and unyielding - and although part of him realized that it wasn't something he could make disappear just like that, he had to try.
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And she simply needed Logan, which was the hardest part for her to wrap her head around. Jean never needed anyone. The one person she'd asked to teach her had turned her down, and that was the last time she'd reached out. But here she was, reaching out to Logan, desperate to know that he would be there for her.
Her feeling side had been right. She was going to shatter him into a million pieces.
Jean pulled back and looked at him, her eyes roaming his face before she settled on his eyes. "I love you," she said in a quiet voice. She meant every word of it.
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