why
why do i let things get to me?
Friday was awesome. I played beer pong 3 times and won. I played keg stand and beat the shit out of it. I played beer bong and as usual owned. I mingled though I feel like I was everywhere and no where at the same time. I wore my onesie and took names. I let someone who I originally vowed to this journal never to kiss again get the best of me and make me cry.
I just don't understand how you can only want to fool around yet say and do things that are characteristic of a relationship and at the same time not believe in an open relationship. I also hate broken promises. Don't tell me that you want to hang out with me and then say you'll call and don't. If you really don't want to see me just fucking tell me. I can take it, I'm a big girl.
Because of you I'm sitting here wondering what I've done wrong, why things like this always happen to me in the Fall, and silently wishing to any god that will listen that you'll call me tonight.
I want you to know that at the end of the year you'll feel empty. If you have any emotions at all you'll wonder how you could let yourself be with that many people. I hope you feel disgusted by your actions. I hope you look back and wonder what your life would have been like if things were different. Even for a month. Or a week. Or a day.
I hope I realize that you're not worth it. That you're just another seedy kid who has no idea what he wants out of life.
I hope you realize that you missed a potentially great thing, something that could have been completely different than anything you've ever experienced before. I hope you realize what your selfish feelings are doing to me. Realize that I really care about you. I care so much I would give you the only thing I've never given anyone else. I care about you so much that even after you've fucked me over like this I'm still considering it.
I just don't know what to do.
Friday was awesome. I played beer pong 3 times and won. I played keg stand and beat the shit out of it. I played beer bong and as usual owned. I mingled though I feel like I was everywhere and no where at the same time. I wore my onesie and took names. I let someone who I originally vowed to this journal never to kiss again get the best of me and make me cry.
I just don't understand how you can only want to fool around yet say and do things that are characteristic of a relationship and at the same time not believe in an open relationship. I also hate broken promises. Don't tell me that you want to hang out with me and then say you'll call and don't. If you really don't want to see me just fucking tell me. I can take it, I'm a big girl.
Because of you I'm sitting here wondering what I've done wrong, why things like this always happen to me in the Fall, and silently wishing to any god that will listen that you'll call me tonight.
I want you to know that at the end of the year you'll feel empty. If you have any emotions at all you'll wonder how you could let yourself be with that many people. I hope you feel disgusted by your actions. I hope you look back and wonder what your life would have been like if things were different. Even for a month. Or a week. Or a day.
I hope I realize that you're not worth it. That you're just another seedy kid who has no idea what he wants out of life.
I hope you realize that you missed a potentially great thing, something that could have been completely different than anything you've ever experienced before. I hope you realize what your selfish feelings are doing to me. Realize that I really care about you. I care so much I would give you the only thing I've never given anyone else. I care about you so much that even after you've fucked me over like this I'm still considering it.
I just don't know what to do.