Angry Tales From The Front Desk
Dear Room 218,
I hope you guys are really proud of yourselves. I mean, you really shouldn't be. You should be fucking ashamed. What I meant to say is you must already be pretty proud, otherwise you wouldn't feel so entitled and owed something that you believe it's appropriate to stand at the counter of a hotel, not only just feasting on rage, but doing it together, basically tag teaming the person behind the counter. And it wasn't just me. Oh no.. You did this before, and repeatedly.
Now, don't get me entirely wrong. You had a grievance. There was no parking. I get that. I tried to be helpful when I suggested the two overflow parking situations we have going because it's Memorial Day Weekend and our lot is stupidly overflowing. But instead of staying calm, and just dealing with the parking problem, you decided to begin chewing my head off for not just the parking, but every problem you've had here so far, which I have already heard about, because this is how you choose to solve your problems. Bullying.
It is not the hotel's fault that you decided to make your reservations through Expedia. Hey, saving a buck is important when you have a family, but let me tell you a secret about booking through Expedia, Hotels.com, or their kind.. When you do that, you become one of our lowest priorities. I mean, you're still entitled to the services the hotel provides, and courtesy, but when it comes to stuff like upgrades, especially free ones on a holiday weekend, just because you "thought" you reserved Ocean Front, forget it. Here's the reason. When you book through a discount site, you are not our customer. You are their customer. They then become our customer. They, like every business, work for profit. So that low rate you got? Yeah, we only get a cut of that. So, on a weekend where we are asking 129.99 for walkins, for the room type you have.. Expedia is only paying us 61.19. That's basically 50% discount right there. And for the OF rooms? We're asking 149.99, and people are paying it. So no.. You get no free upgrade because you were too stupid to read a room description.
If you had been less of a pair of psycho-dicks about the whole thing we might have tried a little harder to get you away from your dumpster view at least. It's kind of a crazy thing about human nature... We actually try a lot harder to help people we like, who treat us well. But the simple truth is there may not have been a way to do that. Assigning hotel rooms is a lot like playing Tetris, and as of last night we were overbooked by one room. Perhaps when it would have been convenient for us to move you, IE there was a clean room, and the HK staff was still around to clean your vacated room, you were still sleeping, or fuming on the beach, or tormenting a waitress somewhere.
Because that's what you do. Rageholics like you don't really have fun. You're too picky to really relax. You can't just walk into a room that's lovely and clean, but just isn't what you expected, and has a flawed location, shrug and go, "Well it was cheap, and we're on the beach. Let's just move on." No, you're the kind of people that leap straight to telling the front desk that we've ruined your vacation. You're the kind of people who, I swear to the Teapot, are ruining America. That's not hyperbole. People like you want things cheap, fast, and perfect, and you can't have it that way. There's even a sign/bumpersticker that says "Pick two." Then you are so spoiled that you literally cannot handle being thwarted. You've managed your life by pushing, yelling, and threats, and when you come up against a barrier, those are the only tools in your box. Well, folks, I'm here to tell you that you will still have a shitty vacation, even if Expedia refunds your money, and I take great solace in the thought that you both will either die early of blood pressure related disease, road rage, or will age into bitter, nasty old people, who's kids will probably resent them, because it's hard to believe you can be so nasty to strangers, but be loving caregivers to your offspring. They're probably going to be real bastards like you. So.. enjoy your cut rate retirement home if you make it there.
Oh, and by the way? You can't have my job. I don't even have a warning in my employee folder. Night Auditors who are half as good as me are not easy to find. You're lucky there are cameras in the parking garage, because I'd love to do nothing more than leave a generous splash of red dyed karo syrup, and a half burned note full of mystical gibberish, and the illustration of a flat tire. Hell, even if that didn't get into your head, you'd still have to clean it up. That's the other little rule in life that you keep forgetting. One day you're going to go off on a much more creative psychopath than you.
Cheers! Your Night Auditor.
I hope you guys are really proud of yourselves. I mean, you really shouldn't be. You should be fucking ashamed. What I meant to say is you must already be pretty proud, otherwise you wouldn't feel so entitled and owed something that you believe it's appropriate to stand at the counter of a hotel, not only just feasting on rage, but doing it together, basically tag teaming the person behind the counter. And it wasn't just me. Oh no.. You did this before, and repeatedly.
Now, don't get me entirely wrong. You had a grievance. There was no parking. I get that. I tried to be helpful when I suggested the two overflow parking situations we have going because it's Memorial Day Weekend and our lot is stupidly overflowing. But instead of staying calm, and just dealing with the parking problem, you decided to begin chewing my head off for not just the parking, but every problem you've had here so far, which I have already heard about, because this is how you choose to solve your problems. Bullying.
It is not the hotel's fault that you decided to make your reservations through Expedia. Hey, saving a buck is important when you have a family, but let me tell you a secret about booking through Expedia, Hotels.com, or their kind.. When you do that, you become one of our lowest priorities. I mean, you're still entitled to the services the hotel provides, and courtesy, but when it comes to stuff like upgrades, especially free ones on a holiday weekend, just because you "thought" you reserved Ocean Front, forget it. Here's the reason. When you book through a discount site, you are not our customer. You are their customer. They then become our customer. They, like every business, work for profit. So that low rate you got? Yeah, we only get a cut of that. So, on a weekend where we are asking 129.99 for walkins, for the room type you have.. Expedia is only paying us 61.19. That's basically 50% discount right there. And for the OF rooms? We're asking 149.99, and people are paying it. So no.. You get no free upgrade because you were too stupid to read a room description.
If you had been less of a pair of psycho-dicks about the whole thing we might have tried a little harder to get you away from your dumpster view at least. It's kind of a crazy thing about human nature... We actually try a lot harder to help people we like, who treat us well. But the simple truth is there may not have been a way to do that. Assigning hotel rooms is a lot like playing Tetris, and as of last night we were overbooked by one room. Perhaps when it would have been convenient for us to move you, IE there was a clean room, and the HK staff was still around to clean your vacated room, you were still sleeping, or fuming on the beach, or tormenting a waitress somewhere.
Because that's what you do. Rageholics like you don't really have fun. You're too picky to really relax. You can't just walk into a room that's lovely and clean, but just isn't what you expected, and has a flawed location, shrug and go, "Well it was cheap, and we're on the beach. Let's just move on." No, you're the kind of people that leap straight to telling the front desk that we've ruined your vacation. You're the kind of people who, I swear to the Teapot, are ruining America. That's not hyperbole. People like you want things cheap, fast, and perfect, and you can't have it that way. There's even a sign/bumpersticker that says "Pick two." Then you are so spoiled that you literally cannot handle being thwarted. You've managed your life by pushing, yelling, and threats, and when you come up against a barrier, those are the only tools in your box. Well, folks, I'm here to tell you that you will still have a shitty vacation, even if Expedia refunds your money, and I take great solace in the thought that you both will either die early of blood pressure related disease, road rage, or will age into bitter, nasty old people, who's kids will probably resent them, because it's hard to believe you can be so nasty to strangers, but be loving caregivers to your offspring. They're probably going to be real bastards like you. So.. enjoy your cut rate retirement home if you make it there.
Oh, and by the way? You can't have my job. I don't even have a warning in my employee folder. Night Auditors who are half as good as me are not easy to find. You're lucky there are cameras in the parking garage, because I'd love to do nothing more than leave a generous splash of red dyed karo syrup, and a half burned note full of mystical gibberish, and the illustration of a flat tire. Hell, even if that didn't get into your head, you'd still have to clean it up. That's the other little rule in life that you keep forgetting. One day you're going to go off on a much more creative psychopath than you.
Cheers! Your Night Auditor.