XWP: Coming Home
Oh, Sunday. I love you and fear you.
1) Hey! It's the sixth season! Yay!
2) The sixth season is obviously going to be awesome because it opens with Amazons! The Amazons are back! They did make some appearances in season five, but they weren't the greatest. I mean, in Kindred Spirits, there's a hefty amount of subtext as maintext, so I thank the Amazons for that, but in the fifth season, the Amazons were, for some reason, filled with hormal young ladies who wanted to bed Joxer. What was that about?
But, thankfully, these Amazons are more like the Amazons of Ephiny, Eponin, and Solari. They're actual women and they're ready to kick some ass.
3) Xena, Gabrielle, and Eve are traisping through the Amazon forest in order to meet Ares. You may remember that Ares surrendered his immortality and godhood in the finale of the fifth season in order to save Gabrielle and Eve (and to get on Xena's good graces). Xena obviously feels somewhat indebted to him for that and, when Ares asked for her to come see him, she agreed.
While they're walking, though, they come across some serious wreckage. What I neglected to tell you in the point about is that the Amazons were fighting off some army trying to take their land. And the three women run into that battle and lots of fighting ensues. Oddly, even Eve gets in on the act, unable to stand there doing nothing while Xena, Gabrielle, and the Amazons fight the army.
4) They're successful of course and we get a little breather, just in time to meet some of the new Amazons. There's Marga, the Amazon queen and Varia, her second in command.
The rules of Amazonian succession are a little confusing to me. They know who Gabrielle is once she introduces herself. Technically, Gabrielle never gave up her queendom. Ephiny was her regent. But she doesn't take over as queen and Marga isn't her regent. So where does Gabrielle stand? I mean, she's still a queen (we'll see that in some later episodes) but . . . She is and she isn't.
It's also not clear as to what Amazonian tribe this is. I kind of assumed it was Gabrielle and Ephiny's tribe. There's so real indication as to where this episode takes place, other than it's definitely not the same tribe as Cyane in the steppes and it's not even the same tribe as the Amazons we saw in season five who were different from Cyane and Yakut's tribe. So, my best guess is that this is Ephiny's tribe but . . . It may not be.
5) Anyway, they figure out that Ares has started an army and that he's behind the attacks. Which certainly does not endear him to Xena.
6) Ares is walking a thin line, though. His army has no idea that he's mortal. They also don't know that he's going a little crazy. But we'll get more into that later.
He called Xena to him (by mail?) because he wants her to help him get his godhood back. I guess he figures her debt to him extends at least that far. He had a dream where his sister Artemis came to him and let him know that there was some ambrosia on the Amazon's land.
I guess this explains a little bit about what happens to gods when they die. Ares claims that Artemis spoke to him from the other side. It is apparent that Ares is not quite fully functional mentally at this point, but he does seems confident in the idea that gods do have an afterlife, the same as humans. So . . . There you go.
7) But here's how we know that Ares isn't quite all there . . . He's telling all of this to Xena. Yes, Xena is there, and Ares is recruiting her. Now, there's nothing too odd about that except . . . This Xena agrees to help him. And not only does she agree to help him (which could be explained away as thanking him for the gifts of Gabrielle's and Eve's lives), she also forsakes the greater good. She's sick of the quest, she tells him. She'll take his army, get him back his godhood, and rule the world at his side.
Oh and what happens next? Gabrielle shows up and . . . Completely agrees with Xena.
Now, as audience members, we understand that something's up because . . . Well, duh. Of course. This either isn't really Gabrielle and Xena or it's them playing a trick on Ares. But Ares is sold on their conversion. He's really not doing so well.
8) Back at the Amazon's camp, Varia realizes she recognizes Eve from somewhere. She's not sure how but . . . This probably won't end well.
9) But wait. Eve was at the Amazon's camp but now she's at Ares' camp and she wants in on the plan to help Ares, too.
Well, not it makes sense. Gabrielle, Eve, and Xena are, in fact, the Furies. They're deliberately trying to fuck with Ares' mind because he's pretty much one of their last obstacles to ruling Olympus on their own. So, it's basically a Xena situation straight out of the third season premiere episode The Furies, except now the Furies are acting on their own and they're doing it to Ares.
10) The real Gabrielle and Xena eventually show up at his camp.
What I don't understand is why it took Xena so long to get there and why Gabrielle is with her . . . Xena actually left Gabrielle with the Amazons so there's no explanation as to why they're getting there together. Which I don't like because, you know, bad continuity.
But, anyway, aside from my issues with continuity (I don't like bad continuity!), there are bigger fish to fry: Gabrielle and Xena are totally confused at Ares' behavior because he, of course, thinks they're the same Xena and Gabrielle he's been dealing with the whole time. So he's talking to them like they know what's going on and like they're on his side and they're like, "Um, what?"
But Xena, because she's so damn smart and because she probably recognizes the symptoms, immediately comes to the conclusion that the Furies are messing with him.
11) But back to subtext! Oh, wait, this is just strange Eve and Varia subtext, which isn't fun, because I don't really like either character. But, still. Subtext is subtext and that's some seriously sensual music playing as they flirt with each other about battle scars. Jesus, get a room, you two.
But, while comparing notes, Varia figures out that Eve used to be Livia and their playful flirting skids to a falt. Because Livia was absolutely no friend to the Amazons.
12) Gabrielle and Xena return to the Amazons, who are in the middle of some kind of weird capture ritual. Eve is chained at the neck and is surrounded by Amazons who are pretending to poke at her spears. It's really strange.
But the truth comes out. Livia's Roman army attacked the Amazons at night in an ambush and killed many of the warriors. Those who weren't killed were captured and sold into slavery.
Because not only was Livia a scary killer, she was also a slave trader. Which kind of elevates her evilness above Xena's, doesn't it? I mean, I don't think Xena ever sold slaves. Though don't quote me on that because, frankly, there's probably some kind of flashback episode coming or some kind of throw away line someone once said that would contradict all of that.
13) Xena convinces the Amazons that they need to get over it for the moment because Ares' army is coming.
And then there's the most random WTF moment in the episode (and, just in terms of it's bad placement in the episode, one of the most WTF moments in the series for me): Xena apologizes to Gabrielle for chakraming her in the head.
Again, it's a super weird time for her to apologize. It comes out of nowhere and is clunky at best. But what's really weird about it and quite annoying and insulting (I think) is that Gabrielle decides to blame the Furies for making her crazy. Now, yeah, the Furies should be blamed for making her a little crazy because she wouldn't have tried to harm Eve without their influence. But you know what? The Furies are not to blame for Xena's reaction to Gabrielle's action. The Furies didn't make Xena chakram Gabrielle in the head.
IN THE HEAD.
So, once again, Xena gets off way to easy. I think I'd rather they'd ignored the issue entirely instead of giving us this horrible scene.
14) The Furies are still in Ares' camp, exacerbating his insanity. They keep taunting him (in the bodies of Xena, Gabrielle, and Eve), basically calling him a lame-o mortal. And he's trying to tell them off, but it only makes him look even more insane because he's the only one who can see them but he's yelling at them in front of his men.
The real Xena even shows up and tries to tell him that he's being messed with but he doesn't believe her. It's kind of interesting that she's so concerned about his mental well being, though I suppose she figures that a sane Ares won't attack the Amazons. I think that's a silly expectation on her part but it's just about the only explanation I have.
15) The Amazons are all jazzed to fight but Xena lets them know that they simply don't have the numbers to compete against Ares' army. Marga doesn't care, though, because she says they need to fight for their land. Without their land, there are no Amazons. Which is an interesting and somewhat valid point, in a way. I mean, think of how many wars have broken out because of land and think of all the horrible shit that goes down because of wayward land claims.
But . . . Marga, particularly since she's the queen of this tribe, also needs to concern herself more with keeping the Amazons alive as a culture. Land does matter, yes. But culture matters more. And I think you can have culture without the land and we've already been told that the Amazons, as a people, are disappearing and the real issue should be preserving that which they have left.
16) So the Amazons meet Ares' army but before the fighting can begin, Xena rides up and goads Ares into a fight. Not only does she taunt him and piss him off, she also causes him to bleed and, as it turns out, gods don't bleed. So she's also revealed his mortality.
She runs off on her horse and Ares, more than half out of his mind, follows in pursuit, leaving his men to fight the Amazons.
17) Gabrielle returns quickly to the Amazon's camp and frees Eve from her prison. On their way out, they quickly grab a bunch of blankets because, as Gabrielle says, "We have to hurry." (I don't know if that's a direct quote. But it could be.)
18) Xena has Ares follow her up a mountain, up to a frozen pond and the two of them just go at it. Ares is sick of Xena constantly thwarting his plans and, essentially, emasculating him time and time again (which, by the way, is a super interesting kind of theme this show has that I've never even considered before). So this fight is huge because it's personal. This is Ares as a mortal but it's also Ares without inhibitions (though it's not like he had too many in the first place) and he needs this victory.
Xena throws her chakram but misses the mark and Ares goes after her something fierce, finally punching her strongly enough to plunge her into the pond, where her body ends up getting trapped under a huge chunk of ice.
Just as she dies, the Furies escape Ares' mind. They've done all they need to do to take over Olympus. They had Ares kill Xena, which took care of the need of vengeance against the person who took out their family, but they also took out Ares who is not only mortal but just killed the only person he'd ever really loved (as much as a war god can love, at least), effectively disabling him emotionally and, probably, mentally.
Except . . . That Xena's super crafty and she knew the Furies were behind everything, that they were festering in Ares' mind. So that chakram she threw that missed Ares during his fight happens to find it's way back to their position and slashes right through the Furies, killing them.
That's quite the throw.
19) Ares, now back to his senses, plunges into the pond to rescue Xena. He gets her back to the surface and on the ground, but he doesn't know how to try to revive her (which strikes me as a good touch because he's only ever been a god and has never been able to understand death . . . It makes so much sense that he wouldn't know about ways to bring someone back to life). Luckily, Gabrielle and Eve come rushing in with all those blankets.
Xena drowned in cold water, so Gabrielle knows they can bring her back if they can warm up her organs. They wrap her in the blankets and Gabrielle frantically tries mouth to mouth and CPR and all of that and, because this is a television show, Xena wakes up in a matter of seconds, just in time to catch her still richocheting chakram like a total badass.
Yes, ladies and gentleman, the whole thing was part of the plan. Xena wanted Ares to "kill her" so she could bring back his sanity and kill the Furies. Genius!
20) Ares and Xena, after everything's settled down, have a small heart to heart. As much as I don't want to like this scene, I kind of can't help it because even though I'll never understand the fans who want Xena and Ares to end up together, they do have a completely fascinatingly complex relationship that does stay, throughout the run of the series, very compelling.
Ares tries, because he's Ares and he'll never give up, to have Xena join him. She looks at him kind of fondly and tells him, "You always got to me. But you were bad for me, Ares. You still are."
The fatal flaw in his relationship with Xena, stated so simply. Because she has been working so hard to be against everything he stands for. At its core, it could never work because as much as he might "love" her (and, again, I don't think Ares, having been a god, can truly understand love without some more experience with his own mortality), he doesn't understand her. By his nature, he can't understand her. Even when he tries to help her, he's ultimately working in opposition to her because his every instinct and motivation works against hers, even if the end result winds up being the same.
21) I love that Ares keeps trying to vaporate like a god but can't. It's a nice, small touch, that brings home how strange this change must be for him. He can't just go place to place anymore. I love the final line of the episode: "I need to stop trying that. I'm going to rupture something."
It sums him up perfectly, at this point. He does need to "stop trying" and, because he's mortal, he definitely could "rupture something". He walks away in this new strange world of mortality.
I like some of this episode but probably not enough to give it a good rating. The best stuff really comes from Xena and Ares and their interactions together. They really need to step up Xena and Gabrielle's interactions together because I feel like they haven't been . . . themselves in a while. And I really want them to get back to their old selves. Also? Still don't like Eve. But that's kind of offset by how happy I am to see the Amazons as strong women and not hormonal teenagers. All of this having been typed . . . I think I'm going to give Coming Home three out of five airlocks.
1) Hey! It's the sixth season! Yay!
2) The sixth season is obviously going to be awesome because it opens with Amazons! The Amazons are back! They did make some appearances in season five, but they weren't the greatest. I mean, in Kindred Spirits, there's a hefty amount of subtext as maintext, so I thank the Amazons for that, but in the fifth season, the Amazons were, for some reason, filled with hormal young ladies who wanted to bed Joxer. What was that about?
But, thankfully, these Amazons are more like the Amazons of Ephiny, Eponin, and Solari. They're actual women and they're ready to kick some ass.
3) Xena, Gabrielle, and Eve are traisping through the Amazon forest in order to meet Ares. You may remember that Ares surrendered his immortality and godhood in the finale of the fifth season in order to save Gabrielle and Eve (and to get on Xena's good graces). Xena obviously feels somewhat indebted to him for that and, when Ares asked for her to come see him, she agreed.
While they're walking, though, they come across some serious wreckage. What I neglected to tell you in the point about is that the Amazons were fighting off some army trying to take their land. And the three women run into that battle and lots of fighting ensues. Oddly, even Eve gets in on the act, unable to stand there doing nothing while Xena, Gabrielle, and the Amazons fight the army.
4) They're successful of course and we get a little breather, just in time to meet some of the new Amazons. There's Marga, the Amazon queen and Varia, her second in command.
The rules of Amazonian succession are a little confusing to me. They know who Gabrielle is once she introduces herself. Technically, Gabrielle never gave up her queendom. Ephiny was her regent. But she doesn't take over as queen and Marga isn't her regent. So where does Gabrielle stand? I mean, she's still a queen (we'll see that in some later episodes) but . . . She is and she isn't.
It's also not clear as to what Amazonian tribe this is. I kind of assumed it was Gabrielle and Ephiny's tribe. There's so real indication as to where this episode takes place, other than it's definitely not the same tribe as Cyane in the steppes and it's not even the same tribe as the Amazons we saw in season five who were different from Cyane and Yakut's tribe. So, my best guess is that this is Ephiny's tribe but . . . It may not be.
5) Anyway, they figure out that Ares has started an army and that he's behind the attacks. Which certainly does not endear him to Xena.
6) Ares is walking a thin line, though. His army has no idea that he's mortal. They also don't know that he's going a little crazy. But we'll get more into that later.
He called Xena to him (by mail?) because he wants her to help him get his godhood back. I guess he figures her debt to him extends at least that far. He had a dream where his sister Artemis came to him and let him know that there was some ambrosia on the Amazon's land.
I guess this explains a little bit about what happens to gods when they die. Ares claims that Artemis spoke to him from the other side. It is apparent that Ares is not quite fully functional mentally at this point, but he does seems confident in the idea that gods do have an afterlife, the same as humans. So . . . There you go.
7) But here's how we know that Ares isn't quite all there . . . He's telling all of this to Xena. Yes, Xena is there, and Ares is recruiting her. Now, there's nothing too odd about that except . . . This Xena agrees to help him. And not only does she agree to help him (which could be explained away as thanking him for the gifts of Gabrielle's and Eve's lives), she also forsakes the greater good. She's sick of the quest, she tells him. She'll take his army, get him back his godhood, and rule the world at his side.
Oh and what happens next? Gabrielle shows up and . . . Completely agrees with Xena.
Now, as audience members, we understand that something's up because . . . Well, duh. Of course. This either isn't really Gabrielle and Xena or it's them playing a trick on Ares. But Ares is sold on their conversion. He's really not doing so well.
8) Back at the Amazon's camp, Varia realizes she recognizes Eve from somewhere. She's not sure how but . . . This probably won't end well.
9) But wait. Eve was at the Amazon's camp but now she's at Ares' camp and she wants in on the plan to help Ares, too.
Well, not it makes sense. Gabrielle, Eve, and Xena are, in fact, the Furies. They're deliberately trying to fuck with Ares' mind because he's pretty much one of their last obstacles to ruling Olympus on their own. So, it's basically a Xena situation straight out of the third season premiere episode The Furies, except now the Furies are acting on their own and they're doing it to Ares.
10) The real Gabrielle and Xena eventually show up at his camp.
What I don't understand is why it took Xena so long to get there and why Gabrielle is with her . . . Xena actually left Gabrielle with the Amazons so there's no explanation as to why they're getting there together. Which I don't like because, you know, bad continuity.
But, anyway, aside from my issues with continuity (I don't like bad continuity!), there are bigger fish to fry: Gabrielle and Xena are totally confused at Ares' behavior because he, of course, thinks they're the same Xena and Gabrielle he's been dealing with the whole time. So he's talking to them like they know what's going on and like they're on his side and they're like, "Um, what?"
But Xena, because she's so damn smart and because she probably recognizes the symptoms, immediately comes to the conclusion that the Furies are messing with him.
11) But back to subtext! Oh, wait, this is just strange Eve and Varia subtext, which isn't fun, because I don't really like either character. But, still. Subtext is subtext and that's some seriously sensual music playing as they flirt with each other about battle scars. Jesus, get a room, you two.
But, while comparing notes, Varia figures out that Eve used to be Livia and their playful flirting skids to a falt. Because Livia was absolutely no friend to the Amazons.
12) Gabrielle and Xena return to the Amazons, who are in the middle of some kind of weird capture ritual. Eve is chained at the neck and is surrounded by Amazons who are pretending to poke at her spears. It's really strange.
But the truth comes out. Livia's Roman army attacked the Amazons at night in an ambush and killed many of the warriors. Those who weren't killed were captured and sold into slavery.
Because not only was Livia a scary killer, she was also a slave trader. Which kind of elevates her evilness above Xena's, doesn't it? I mean, I don't think Xena ever sold slaves. Though don't quote me on that because, frankly, there's probably some kind of flashback episode coming or some kind of throw away line someone once said that would contradict all of that.
13) Xena convinces the Amazons that they need to get over it for the moment because Ares' army is coming.
And then there's the most random WTF moment in the episode (and, just in terms of it's bad placement in the episode, one of the most WTF moments in the series for me): Xena apologizes to Gabrielle for chakraming her in the head.
Again, it's a super weird time for her to apologize. It comes out of nowhere and is clunky at best. But what's really weird about it and quite annoying and insulting (I think) is that Gabrielle decides to blame the Furies for making her crazy. Now, yeah, the Furies should be blamed for making her a little crazy because she wouldn't have tried to harm Eve without their influence. But you know what? The Furies are not to blame for Xena's reaction to Gabrielle's action. The Furies didn't make Xena chakram Gabrielle in the head.
IN THE HEAD.
So, once again, Xena gets off way to easy. I think I'd rather they'd ignored the issue entirely instead of giving us this horrible scene.
14) The Furies are still in Ares' camp, exacerbating his insanity. They keep taunting him (in the bodies of Xena, Gabrielle, and Eve), basically calling him a lame-o mortal. And he's trying to tell them off, but it only makes him look even more insane because he's the only one who can see them but he's yelling at them in front of his men.
The real Xena even shows up and tries to tell him that he's being messed with but he doesn't believe her. It's kind of interesting that she's so concerned about his mental well being, though I suppose she figures that a sane Ares won't attack the Amazons. I think that's a silly expectation on her part but it's just about the only explanation I have.
15) The Amazons are all jazzed to fight but Xena lets them know that they simply don't have the numbers to compete against Ares' army. Marga doesn't care, though, because she says they need to fight for their land. Without their land, there are no Amazons. Which is an interesting and somewhat valid point, in a way. I mean, think of how many wars have broken out because of land and think of all the horrible shit that goes down because of wayward land claims.
But . . . Marga, particularly since she's the queen of this tribe, also needs to concern herself more with keeping the Amazons alive as a culture. Land does matter, yes. But culture matters more. And I think you can have culture without the land and we've already been told that the Amazons, as a people, are disappearing and the real issue should be preserving that which they have left.
16) So the Amazons meet Ares' army but before the fighting can begin, Xena rides up and goads Ares into a fight. Not only does she taunt him and piss him off, she also causes him to bleed and, as it turns out, gods don't bleed. So she's also revealed his mortality.
She runs off on her horse and Ares, more than half out of his mind, follows in pursuit, leaving his men to fight the Amazons.
17) Gabrielle returns quickly to the Amazon's camp and frees Eve from her prison. On their way out, they quickly grab a bunch of blankets because, as Gabrielle says, "We have to hurry." (I don't know if that's a direct quote. But it could be.)
18) Xena has Ares follow her up a mountain, up to a frozen pond and the two of them just go at it. Ares is sick of Xena constantly thwarting his plans and, essentially, emasculating him time and time again (which, by the way, is a super interesting kind of theme this show has that I've never even considered before). So this fight is huge because it's personal. This is Ares as a mortal but it's also Ares without inhibitions (though it's not like he had too many in the first place) and he needs this victory.
Xena throws her chakram but misses the mark and Ares goes after her something fierce, finally punching her strongly enough to plunge her into the pond, where her body ends up getting trapped under a huge chunk of ice.
Just as she dies, the Furies escape Ares' mind. They've done all they need to do to take over Olympus. They had Ares kill Xena, which took care of the need of vengeance against the person who took out their family, but they also took out Ares who is not only mortal but just killed the only person he'd ever really loved (as much as a war god can love, at least), effectively disabling him emotionally and, probably, mentally.
Except . . . That Xena's super crafty and she knew the Furies were behind everything, that they were festering in Ares' mind. So that chakram she threw that missed Ares during his fight happens to find it's way back to their position and slashes right through the Furies, killing them.
That's quite the throw.
19) Ares, now back to his senses, plunges into the pond to rescue Xena. He gets her back to the surface and on the ground, but he doesn't know how to try to revive her (which strikes me as a good touch because he's only ever been a god and has never been able to understand death . . . It makes so much sense that he wouldn't know about ways to bring someone back to life). Luckily, Gabrielle and Eve come rushing in with all those blankets.
Xena drowned in cold water, so Gabrielle knows they can bring her back if they can warm up her organs. They wrap her in the blankets and Gabrielle frantically tries mouth to mouth and CPR and all of that and, because this is a television show, Xena wakes up in a matter of seconds, just in time to catch her still richocheting chakram like a total badass.
Yes, ladies and gentleman, the whole thing was part of the plan. Xena wanted Ares to "kill her" so she could bring back his sanity and kill the Furies. Genius!
20) Ares and Xena, after everything's settled down, have a small heart to heart. As much as I don't want to like this scene, I kind of can't help it because even though I'll never understand the fans who want Xena and Ares to end up together, they do have a completely fascinatingly complex relationship that does stay, throughout the run of the series, very compelling.
Ares tries, because he's Ares and he'll never give up, to have Xena join him. She looks at him kind of fondly and tells him, "You always got to me. But you were bad for me, Ares. You still are."
The fatal flaw in his relationship with Xena, stated so simply. Because she has been working so hard to be against everything he stands for. At its core, it could never work because as much as he might "love" her (and, again, I don't think Ares, having been a god, can truly understand love without some more experience with his own mortality), he doesn't understand her. By his nature, he can't understand her. Even when he tries to help her, he's ultimately working in opposition to her because his every instinct and motivation works against hers, even if the end result winds up being the same.
21) I love that Ares keeps trying to vaporate like a god but can't. It's a nice, small touch, that brings home how strange this change must be for him. He can't just go place to place anymore. I love the final line of the episode: "I need to stop trying that. I'm going to rupture something."
It sums him up perfectly, at this point. He does need to "stop trying" and, because he's mortal, he definitely could "rupture something". He walks away in this new strange world of mortality.
I like some of this episode but probably not enough to give it a good rating. The best stuff really comes from Xena and Ares and their interactions together. They really need to step up Xena and Gabrielle's interactions together because I feel like they haven't been . . . themselves in a while. And I really want them to get back to their old selves. Also? Still don't like Eve. But that's kind of offset by how happy I am to see the Amazons as strong women and not hormonal teenagers. All of this having been typed . . . I think I'm going to give Coming Home three out of five airlocks.