XWP: The Quest
Well, this review is later than I had anticipated. But today is probably a good day to do it because the weather here is super miserable and Xena can often make up for it. Let's stop with the suspenseful two-parter act, already, and get down to it, shall we?
1) Previously on Xena . . . Xena died.
So The Quest begins with Gabrielle on a quest to take Xena's body home to Amphipolis to be buried next to her brother, Lyceus. This is a good callback The Greater Good, when Xena died for the first time in the series and made the request of Gabrielle.
2) Along the way, some random marauders come on Gabrielle and Xena's huge sarcophagus (where did Gabrielle get that thing, anyway?). Gabrielle manages to thwart them with some added bonus help from Iolaus, taking a vacation from the set of Hercules and, thankfully, not there to mack more on Gabrielle, which happened (gross) in the season one episode Prometheus.
This time, he's just strolling through the neighborhood. Gabrielle tells him about Xena's death, they embrace a few times, Gabrielle basically admits her love for Xena to him, and then he goes to find Hercules to tell him the news in person.
Wait. Backup a second. What kind of stuff does Gabrielle tell him? "I would've told her how empty my life was before she came, and all the lessons I learned . . . and that I love her." A complete and true declaration of love? Maybe not technically because they are best friends and they are women and women often go around, what with their fluid sexuality and tendency towards emotions, talking about how much their friends mean to them and how their lives were completely empty before meeting them.
All the time.
3) After Iolaus leaves, Gabrielle runs into a contingent of Amazons who are there to pay their last respects to Xena. (Okay, first Gabrielle randomly runs into Iolaus and then randomly runs into a group of Amazons. Again, Gabrielle and Xena are so easily findable.)
Ephiny is among the Amazons, along with some broad named Velasca, who tells Gabrielle that Xena "was a true Amazon, though she denied it." She wants Gabrielle to bring Xena back to the Amazon village for a traditional Amazon cremation.
A couple of points: Who is this chick and why does she think she should have any say on how Xena should be put to rest? Also, what does she mean when she says Xena was a true Amazon? What does she know that we don't? (It's a very interesting quote this early in the series. We don't get any glean of what this could mean until the premieres of the fourth season.)
4) This chick, Velasca, is the new Amazon queen. Adopted daughter of Queen Melosa, she was banished from the Amazon village before Gabrielle and Xena ever made their way there in Hooves and Harlots. Some family intrigue went down, but Velasca came back and challenged Melosa for her title. She beat Melosa in "fair" combat and became the new queen.
The trouble is that Gabrielle, as the Amazon princess by right of, well, the right of caste, bestowed on her by Queen Melosa's true sister Terreis, actually has the ability to claim the title of queen for herself. All she has to do is come back to the village and take up her crown.
5) Meanwhile, Xena's spirit is taking over the body of Autolycus. She wills him to go steal the dagger of Helios, which she needs in the plan to get her body back.
6) Gabrielle goes back to the village with Ephiny, Velasca and the others, but still has every intention of taking Xena's body back to Amphipolis. That is, at least, until Velasca tries to get Gabrielle to pass over the role of queen to her, making it official. Velasca doesn't like the idea of Gabrielle having the role of queen. Gabrielle was not Amazon born, is not a warrior, and has no practical training to be a queen. On top of that, Gabrielle is not Velasca, dammit!
It was a bad idea of Velasca's. Gabrielle may look all gentle and kind and she may look like an easy pushover, but she's all steel. She's learned from the best. While she had no real intention of taking up as the Amazon queen prior to the conversation, Velasca manages to piss her off, pushing her towards a different intention.
7) So Xena needs Autolycus to go and steal her body from the Amazons. She only has a limited time to get back into it, but with Autolycus' help and with the help of the Dagger of Helios, she can go and get some ambrosia, food of the gods. If a mortal has the ambrosia, they will turn into a god. If a dead person has the ambrosia, apparently it will make them come alive.
8) The problem is that Gabrielle has decided to give up on taking Xena back to Amphipolis to be buried next to her brother. Instead, she's going to give Xena an Amazon funeral.
I have some issues with this.
Now, it's not exactly like Gabrielle is going back on her promise to Xena in The Greater Good. She tells Ephiny that she has every intention of taking Xena's ashes to Amphipolis to be put in the family mausoleum. But . . . Xena didn't ask to be cremated. She wanted to buried next to her brother. On top of that, Gabrielle is allowing an Amazon funeral. If Xena wanted an Amazon funeral, she would have asked for one. Gabrielle, of all people, should know better than that. Xena wasn't an Amazon.
I just think that not anything Xena ever would have wanted.
9) Still, it's a lovely scene before the cremation. Gabrielle tells Xena, "You know there are two kinds of tears. Tears for those who leave you and tears for those who you never let go. And I won't say goodbye to you Xena, 'cause we'll be together again one day."
Yeah, platonic all the way. Gabrielle only anticipates being with Xena in eternity. Just a female thing.
What's kind of sad about this, though, is that Xena, at the end of Destiny was in Tartarus. Gabrielle, when she died in Is There A Doctor In The House, found herself in the Elysian Fields. I'm not sure these two are destined to be together in the afterlife.
10) Autolycus is caught trying to take Xena's body and put in jail, but he manages to escape just in the nick of time. Xena takes over his body so he goes all Xena on everybody, enabling Gabrielle to figure out that Autolycus hadn't been lying when he was telling her that Xena was just trying to get her body back.
As he tethers Xena's sarcophagus to Argo and rides like hell out of there, Gabrielle, who had just accepted the mask of the queen, despite Velasca's whiny tantrum in opposition, gets the hell out of dodge and surfs out of the village on top of Xena's sarcophagus.
11) As they leave the village, Velasca demands that Gabrielle and Autolycus are brought back to the village for some Amazon justice.
This is not good. Ephiny agrees to go after them, but not as part of a group and only to talk. Velasca's a bit stubborn (and crazy), though, and basically calls for all supporters of Gabrielle to be jailed.
Nope. Not good.
12) But who really cares what's going on in Amazonia when the most epic subtext scene is about to happen? Seriously, this scene is so chock full of hardcore lesbianism that I can't believe it didn't convert everybody on the spot.
Gabrielle and Autolycus find a clearing to rest and Xena takes over Autolycus' body so she can speak directly to Gabrielle. She and Gabrielle meet in some kind of dreamscape where Xena tells her about the need to get the ambrosia. Gabrielle nearly bursts into tears just at the sight of her and tries to tell Xena all that she wanted to tell her before her death, but Xena stops her with a finger to her lips. Xena tells her she doesn't have to say anything and then . . .
SHE FRAKKING GOES IN TO KISS HER!
Now, we're totally screwed from seeing Xena and Gabrielle actually lock lips, but just as Xena goes in for the kill, we come back to reality, and Autolycus and Gabrielle are locked in it. It's not a friendly kiss at all. And when Gabrielle comes to, she's surprised to see it's Autolycus. Yes, that's because Gabrielle was making out with Xena in the dreamscape. Even Autolycus is surprised. He tells her, "I hope you two worked things out." On top of that? His hand is on Gabrielle's ass. He's genuinely surprised that it's there. That means?
XENA WAS FRAKKING GROPING GABRIELLE!
Is it any wonder this show attracted such a Sapphic audience?
13) Gabrielle and Autolycus go off to find the ambrosia, but Velsaca manages to find them. She puts them in jail, but with help from Autolycus's superior skills of breaking and entering and Solari's amble breast cleavage bobby pin, they bust out of jail, but after Velasca finds the Dagger of Helios on Autolycus and goes after the ambrosia herself.
14) The scene that follows is, perhaps, just as gay as the kiss/grope scene. Autolycus was injured by Velsaca earlier, so his arm is gimp. Xena can't use him to fight Velsaca and she goes for the ambrosia. So what's a girl to do? Merge with Gabrielle, of course?
Yep, Xena enters her.
And kicks some serious ass. She and Velsaca fight each other on ropes and eventually Velsaca falls to the spikes covering the ground. The ambrosia goes into the fire, but during the scuffle, some of it flew into Gabrielle's cleavage, and it's just enough to save Xena.
She runs to get Xena's sarcophagus and shoves the ambrosia down her gullet and . . .
XENA LIVES! Yes, literally saved by Gabrielle's cleavage.
15) The problem? Velasca didn't die impaled on those spikes. And that ambrosia? Not all of it fell in the fire.
16) But before that becomes a major problem, Gabrielle, Xena, and Autolycus are hanging out around the campfire. Gabrielle tells Xena that having Xena inside of her felt warm, friendly, and loving.
Nope. Still just best friends.
So that was The Quest. An essential episode for a few reasons: It explains how Gabrielle becomes an Amazon queen, it brings Xena back from the dead for a second time, IT HAS EPIC SUBTEXT, and it leads us into the next episode, A Necessary Evil, where we see the introduction and death of a few new gods. It's a pretty fun story on its own, though, and it would score high marks even without all the making out, groping, and spiritual intercourse. I'm going to go ahead and give The Quest 4.5 out of 5 airlocks.
1) Previously on Xena . . . Xena died.
So The Quest begins with Gabrielle on a quest to take Xena's body home to Amphipolis to be buried next to her brother, Lyceus. This is a good callback The Greater Good, when Xena died for the first time in the series and made the request of Gabrielle.
2) Along the way, some random marauders come on Gabrielle and Xena's huge sarcophagus (where did Gabrielle get that thing, anyway?). Gabrielle manages to thwart them with some added bonus help from Iolaus, taking a vacation from the set of Hercules and, thankfully, not there to mack more on Gabrielle, which happened (gross) in the season one episode Prometheus.
This time, he's just strolling through the neighborhood. Gabrielle tells him about Xena's death, they embrace a few times, Gabrielle basically admits her love for Xena to him, and then he goes to find Hercules to tell him the news in person.
Wait. Backup a second. What kind of stuff does Gabrielle tell him? "I would've told her how empty my life was before she came, and all the lessons I learned . . . and that I love her." A complete and true declaration of love? Maybe not technically because they are best friends and they are women and women often go around, what with their fluid sexuality and tendency towards emotions, talking about how much their friends mean to them and how their lives were completely empty before meeting them.
All the time.
3) After Iolaus leaves, Gabrielle runs into a contingent of Amazons who are there to pay their last respects to Xena. (Okay, first Gabrielle randomly runs into Iolaus and then randomly runs into a group of Amazons. Again, Gabrielle and Xena are so easily findable.)
Ephiny is among the Amazons, along with some broad named Velasca, who tells Gabrielle that Xena "was a true Amazon, though she denied it." She wants Gabrielle to bring Xena back to the Amazon village for a traditional Amazon cremation.
A couple of points: Who is this chick and why does she think she should have any say on how Xena should be put to rest? Also, what does she mean when she says Xena was a true Amazon? What does she know that we don't? (It's a very interesting quote this early in the series. We don't get any glean of what this could mean until the premieres of the fourth season.)
4) This chick, Velasca, is the new Amazon queen. Adopted daughter of Queen Melosa, she was banished from the Amazon village before Gabrielle and Xena ever made their way there in Hooves and Harlots. Some family intrigue went down, but Velasca came back and challenged Melosa for her title. She beat Melosa in "fair" combat and became the new queen.
The trouble is that Gabrielle, as the Amazon princess by right of, well, the right of caste, bestowed on her by Queen Melosa's true sister Terreis, actually has the ability to claim the title of queen for herself. All she has to do is come back to the village and take up her crown.
5) Meanwhile, Xena's spirit is taking over the body of Autolycus. She wills him to go steal the dagger of Helios, which she needs in the plan to get her body back.
6) Gabrielle goes back to the village with Ephiny, Velasca and the others, but still has every intention of taking Xena's body back to Amphipolis. That is, at least, until Velasca tries to get Gabrielle to pass over the role of queen to her, making it official. Velasca doesn't like the idea of Gabrielle having the role of queen. Gabrielle was not Amazon born, is not a warrior, and has no practical training to be a queen. On top of that, Gabrielle is not Velasca, dammit!
It was a bad idea of Velasca's. Gabrielle may look all gentle and kind and she may look like an easy pushover, but she's all steel. She's learned from the best. While she had no real intention of taking up as the Amazon queen prior to the conversation, Velasca manages to piss her off, pushing her towards a different intention.
7) So Xena needs Autolycus to go and steal her body from the Amazons. She only has a limited time to get back into it, but with Autolycus' help and with the help of the Dagger of Helios, she can go and get some ambrosia, food of the gods. If a mortal has the ambrosia, they will turn into a god. If a dead person has the ambrosia, apparently it will make them come alive.
8) The problem is that Gabrielle has decided to give up on taking Xena back to Amphipolis to be buried next to her brother. Instead, she's going to give Xena an Amazon funeral.
I have some issues with this.
Now, it's not exactly like Gabrielle is going back on her promise to Xena in The Greater Good. She tells Ephiny that she has every intention of taking Xena's ashes to Amphipolis to be put in the family mausoleum. But . . . Xena didn't ask to be cremated. She wanted to buried next to her brother. On top of that, Gabrielle is allowing an Amazon funeral. If Xena wanted an Amazon funeral, she would have asked for one. Gabrielle, of all people, should know better than that. Xena wasn't an Amazon.
I just think that not anything Xena ever would have wanted.
9) Still, it's a lovely scene before the cremation. Gabrielle tells Xena, "You know there are two kinds of tears. Tears for those who leave you and tears for those who you never let go. And I won't say goodbye to you Xena, 'cause we'll be together again one day."
Yeah, platonic all the way. Gabrielle only anticipates being with Xena in eternity. Just a female thing.
What's kind of sad about this, though, is that Xena, at the end of Destiny was in Tartarus. Gabrielle, when she died in Is There A Doctor In The House, found herself in the Elysian Fields. I'm not sure these two are destined to be together in the afterlife.
10) Autolycus is caught trying to take Xena's body and put in jail, but he manages to escape just in the nick of time. Xena takes over his body so he goes all Xena on everybody, enabling Gabrielle to figure out that Autolycus hadn't been lying when he was telling her that Xena was just trying to get her body back.
As he tethers Xena's sarcophagus to Argo and rides like hell out of there, Gabrielle, who had just accepted the mask of the queen, despite Velasca's whiny tantrum in opposition, gets the hell out of dodge and surfs out of the village on top of Xena's sarcophagus.
11) As they leave the village, Velasca demands that Gabrielle and Autolycus are brought back to the village for some Amazon justice.
This is not good. Ephiny agrees to go after them, but not as part of a group and only to talk. Velasca's a bit stubborn (and crazy), though, and basically calls for all supporters of Gabrielle to be jailed.
Nope. Not good.
12) But who really cares what's going on in Amazonia when the most epic subtext scene is about to happen? Seriously, this scene is so chock full of hardcore lesbianism that I can't believe it didn't convert everybody on the spot.
Gabrielle and Autolycus find a clearing to rest and Xena takes over Autolycus' body so she can speak directly to Gabrielle. She and Gabrielle meet in some kind of dreamscape where Xena tells her about the need to get the ambrosia. Gabrielle nearly bursts into tears just at the sight of her and tries to tell Xena all that she wanted to tell her before her death, but Xena stops her with a finger to her lips. Xena tells her she doesn't have to say anything and then . . .
SHE FRAKKING GOES IN TO KISS HER!
Now, we're totally screwed from seeing Xena and Gabrielle actually lock lips, but just as Xena goes in for the kill, we come back to reality, and Autolycus and Gabrielle are locked in it. It's not a friendly kiss at all. And when Gabrielle comes to, she's surprised to see it's Autolycus. Yes, that's because Gabrielle was making out with Xena in the dreamscape. Even Autolycus is surprised. He tells her, "I hope you two worked things out." On top of that? His hand is on Gabrielle's ass. He's genuinely surprised that it's there. That means?
XENA WAS FRAKKING GROPING GABRIELLE!
Is it any wonder this show attracted such a Sapphic audience?
13) Gabrielle and Autolycus go off to find the ambrosia, but Velsaca manages to find them. She puts them in jail, but with help from Autolycus's superior skills of breaking and entering and Solari's amble breast cleavage bobby pin, they bust out of jail, but after Velasca finds the Dagger of Helios on Autolycus and goes after the ambrosia herself.
14) The scene that follows is, perhaps, just as gay as the kiss/grope scene. Autolycus was injured by Velsaca earlier, so his arm is gimp. Xena can't use him to fight Velsaca and she goes for the ambrosia. So what's a girl to do? Merge with Gabrielle, of course?
Yep, Xena enters her.
And kicks some serious ass. She and Velsaca fight each other on ropes and eventually Velsaca falls to the spikes covering the ground. The ambrosia goes into the fire, but during the scuffle, some of it flew into Gabrielle's cleavage, and it's just enough to save Xena.
She runs to get Xena's sarcophagus and shoves the ambrosia down her gullet and . . .
XENA LIVES! Yes, literally saved by Gabrielle's cleavage.
15) The problem? Velasca didn't die impaled on those spikes. And that ambrosia? Not all of it fell in the fire.
16) But before that becomes a major problem, Gabrielle, Xena, and Autolycus are hanging out around the campfire. Gabrielle tells Xena that having Xena inside of her felt warm, friendly, and loving.
Nope. Still just best friends.
So that was The Quest. An essential episode for a few reasons: It explains how Gabrielle becomes an Amazon queen, it brings Xena back from the dead for a second time, IT HAS EPIC SUBTEXT, and it leads us into the next episode, A Necessary Evil, where we see the introduction and death of a few new gods. It's a pretty fun story on its own, though, and it would score high marks even without all the making out, groping, and spiritual intercourse. I'm going to go ahead and give The Quest 4.5 out of 5 airlocks.