Ugh....
I basically need to bitch, so if you dont want to hear it, dont read.....
The roommate issues continue. Where do I begin? Well, Eric will never go away I have decided. My roommate decides about every three days that she is going to be "semi-committed" to him which basically fuck him whenever she wants and when he's not here sit on the computer and see if she can find somebody better. Nice really. Of course Eric lost his job again, as I said would happen 3 weeks ago. I just looked at Ashlee and said "I'm not one to say I told you so, but...." she just laughed because she knew it was true. The man can't hold a job.
So a few weeks ago I said "Ashlee, Eric has really been here a lot lately and part of the deal was that he wasnt' going to be around." Her response was "I'm off on the weekends and if I want him here on the weekends he is going to be here." Nice.
Wednesday after work Ashlee was supposed to go to Ohio, as her mom was having heart surgery. I was excited, I knew I'd have a few days totally to myself as she was even taking Simone (the dog). So Wednesday she calls off work to "get ready" to leave. Remind you, she was already taking Thursday, Friday off work to go to Ohio. This brings another issue up as I digress.....her not working means her not having money and her not having money means her not paying me off the money she owes me as I keep paying bills and her debt keeps rising..but..whatever...it just pisses me off when she is totally able-bodied and doesnt work. Maybe it irked me more because I have been sick as fuck lately and still go to work EVERY DAY. I digress.....
So she takes off Wednesday to "get ready to leave." Now, in my world that means, give Simone a bath, pack her bags, do laundry, etc. But in Ashlee's world that means "have Eric over and fuck all afternoon and evening until about 10 pm." He finally leaves, she follows behind. I have all day Thursday, Friday, Saturday to myself and it is AWESOME. No dog to worry with (I take care of her dog more than she does) no roommate issues, no various men in and out of the house, no Eric (which is a big one). She comes home Sunday afternoon, around 1:00. She went to her bedroom almost immediately and finally emerged a little while later. We were talking a little about her trip. She then says to me. "Well, do you want the good news or the bad news?" She opts for the good news first: Eric is going to Richmond, KY Monday morning to look for a job and likely live with his brother that lives there. That is good, I'm guessing, because it puts him farther away (by only about 30 minutes though). Then she says "and there is more good news." He'll be here in about 30 minutes for the night so he can get up in the morning and go to richmond", she then smiles and walks away. All I could think is "Bitch." It's bad enough I hate him and she could really care less about my feelings and never takes into consideration that I live here too, but then she goes and rubs it in my face like that. So..I'm thinking "well, at least he'll leave in the morning, she leaves for work at 12:30, so I'll have the rest of tomorrow to myself." How funny am I? Of course I was bamboozled. Eric did not go to Richmond this morning, why would he? Why would he want to get a job? He never has in the past? And why would Ashlee be responsible? I mean, bless her heart, she's only been off of work for the past 5 days, she needs a break today. So she calls into work and doesnt go (back to the money issue) and as of 3:30 (right now) they are both still here. So let's recap: In the last 14 1/2 hours (over 3 days) she's been in this house, he's been here for 11 of them. (also over 3 days).
What this all boils down to inevitably is respect. She has absolutely no respect for me or my feelings. You know, she's always been the more selfish one in our friendship and I was okay with that for a while, but rather than getting more equitable, it just gets more selfish. All she ever thinks about is herself. As long as Ashlee feels good and is happy to hell with everybody else. I'm just so sick of it. Anything I do that has to do with house-living I ALWAYS think about how it would effect her or how she'd feel. I typically dont have guests over when she's here, and if I do I always tell her first so I know that she's okay with it. Well, no more of that. There are even more little things. For example, I have bough the laundry detergent and the toilet paper the last 3 or 4 times. I dont even mind buying it, but it shows lack of care because she uses the last of it and doesnt even bother to tell me we are out. Just Saturday, I got annoyed. I went to the basement to do laundry and there was no detergent. She didnt bother to replace it OR tell me that we needed some.That's all I want to know so that I dont have to make a trip out when I'm sick to get some to do laundry. And the toilet paper..well..you can imagine. lol. Not as easy to go out and buy it when you "need" it. ugh. I cant wait for my lease to be up. I wish it were up soon. In fact, I've thought about calling the landlord and asking if there is ANYWAY I can get out of it. It's not worth this. I cant believe I'm living with a person who is supposed to be my best friend who NEVER shows any concern for me or my feelings. At least my role is clear now as a friend. My role is to be supporter, definately not the supported. I feel like really only friends in my online community are supportive which I guess is a little bit sad really. Oh well. So that's kinda my beef. I'm really aggrevated right now and it's not really going away.
So, beyond all that stuff: I am feeling better, finally, thanks to a lot of antibiotics. I wish I could be finished taking them as they tear up my stomach , but I have I think 9 days left. Not happy. Also, my date for PhD is getting closer and closer, leave for Santa Barbara in 2 weeks. I also called Dave this weekend for the first time in over 3 months. I had told him that I wanted all communication split, but what I realized was that that didnt really help me cope. Ive noticed myself thinking about him a lot lately, wondering how he is doing. So, I called him. I think he was really happy that the "no more communication" ban was lifted. We'll see. I think he was also a little freaked out. What's even more interesting is that I found out one of his other ex's will be starting his PhD at Fielding too, so I'll get to meet him in March. Interesting.
Final bit of weirdness/maybe goodness: about 3 years ago I used to talk to this guy online a lot. It progressed to telephone conversations almost daily. He lived in the DC area, so we never met up. Plus, I was in grad school, busy etc. Well, I ended up meeting Dave and he moved to Arizona. I hadn't really heard from him for probably 2 1/2 years. Well, he found me online somewhere, sent me a message, and we started talking again. Last night we talked on the phone for the first time and talked for 3 hours. Now he wants to fly out and see me...soon maybe even... just an odd turn of events. It's really pretty exciting though.
The roommate issues continue. Where do I begin? Well, Eric will never go away I have decided. My roommate decides about every three days that she is going to be "semi-committed" to him which basically fuck him whenever she wants and when he's not here sit on the computer and see if she can find somebody better. Nice really. Of course Eric lost his job again, as I said would happen 3 weeks ago. I just looked at Ashlee and said "I'm not one to say I told you so, but...." she just laughed because she knew it was true. The man can't hold a job.
So a few weeks ago I said "Ashlee, Eric has really been here a lot lately and part of the deal was that he wasnt' going to be around." Her response was "I'm off on the weekends and if I want him here on the weekends he is going to be here." Nice.
Wednesday after work Ashlee was supposed to go to Ohio, as her mom was having heart surgery. I was excited, I knew I'd have a few days totally to myself as she was even taking Simone (the dog). So Wednesday she calls off work to "get ready" to leave. Remind you, she was already taking Thursday, Friday off work to go to Ohio. This brings another issue up as I digress.....her not working means her not having money and her not having money means her not paying me off the money she owes me as I keep paying bills and her debt keeps rising..but..whatever...it just pisses me off when she is totally able-bodied and doesnt work. Maybe it irked me more because I have been sick as fuck lately and still go to work EVERY DAY. I digress.....
So she takes off Wednesday to "get ready to leave." Now, in my world that means, give Simone a bath, pack her bags, do laundry, etc. But in Ashlee's world that means "have Eric over and fuck all afternoon and evening until about 10 pm." He finally leaves, she follows behind. I have all day Thursday, Friday, Saturday to myself and it is AWESOME. No dog to worry with (I take care of her dog more than she does) no roommate issues, no various men in and out of the house, no Eric (which is a big one). She comes home Sunday afternoon, around 1:00. She went to her bedroom almost immediately and finally emerged a little while later. We were talking a little about her trip. She then says to me. "Well, do you want the good news or the bad news?" She opts for the good news first: Eric is going to Richmond, KY Monday morning to look for a job and likely live with his brother that lives there. That is good, I'm guessing, because it puts him farther away (by only about 30 minutes though). Then she says "and there is more good news." He'll be here in about 30 minutes for the night so he can get up in the morning and go to richmond", she then smiles and walks away. All I could think is "Bitch." It's bad enough I hate him and she could really care less about my feelings and never takes into consideration that I live here too, but then she goes and rubs it in my face like that. So..I'm thinking "well, at least he'll leave in the morning, she leaves for work at 12:30, so I'll have the rest of tomorrow to myself." How funny am I? Of course I was bamboozled. Eric did not go to Richmond this morning, why would he? Why would he want to get a job? He never has in the past? And why would Ashlee be responsible? I mean, bless her heart, she's only been off of work for the past 5 days, she needs a break today. So she calls into work and doesnt go (back to the money issue) and as of 3:30 (right now) they are both still here. So let's recap: In the last 14 1/2 hours (over 3 days) she's been in this house, he's been here for 11 of them. (also over 3 days).
What this all boils down to inevitably is respect. She has absolutely no respect for me or my feelings. You know, she's always been the more selfish one in our friendship and I was okay with that for a while, but rather than getting more equitable, it just gets more selfish. All she ever thinks about is herself. As long as Ashlee feels good and is happy to hell with everybody else. I'm just so sick of it. Anything I do that has to do with house-living I ALWAYS think about how it would effect her or how she'd feel. I typically dont have guests over when she's here, and if I do I always tell her first so I know that she's okay with it. Well, no more of that. There are even more little things. For example, I have bough the laundry detergent and the toilet paper the last 3 or 4 times. I dont even mind buying it, but it shows lack of care because she uses the last of it and doesnt even bother to tell me we are out. Just Saturday, I got annoyed. I went to the basement to do laundry and there was no detergent. She didnt bother to replace it OR tell me that we needed some.That's all I want to know so that I dont have to make a trip out when I'm sick to get some to do laundry. And the toilet paper..well..you can imagine. lol. Not as easy to go out and buy it when you "need" it. ugh. I cant wait for my lease to be up. I wish it were up soon. In fact, I've thought about calling the landlord and asking if there is ANYWAY I can get out of it. It's not worth this. I cant believe I'm living with a person who is supposed to be my best friend who NEVER shows any concern for me or my feelings. At least my role is clear now as a friend. My role is to be supporter, definately not the supported. I feel like really only friends in my online community are supportive which I guess is a little bit sad really. Oh well. So that's kinda my beef. I'm really aggrevated right now and it's not really going away.
So, beyond all that stuff: I am feeling better, finally, thanks to a lot of antibiotics. I wish I could be finished taking them as they tear up my stomach , but I have I think 9 days left. Not happy. Also, my date for PhD is getting closer and closer, leave for Santa Barbara in 2 weeks. I also called Dave this weekend for the first time in over 3 months. I had told him that I wanted all communication split, but what I realized was that that didnt really help me cope. Ive noticed myself thinking about him a lot lately, wondering how he is doing. So, I called him. I think he was really happy that the "no more communication" ban was lifted. We'll see. I think he was also a little freaked out. What's even more interesting is that I found out one of his other ex's will be starting his PhD at Fielding too, so I'll get to meet him in March. Interesting.
Final bit of weirdness/maybe goodness: about 3 years ago I used to talk to this guy online a lot. It progressed to telephone conversations almost daily. He lived in the DC area, so we never met up. Plus, I was in grad school, busy etc. Well, I ended up meeting Dave and he moved to Arizona. I hadn't really heard from him for probably 2 1/2 years. Well, he found me online somewhere, sent me a message, and we started talking again. Last night we talked on the phone for the first time and talked for 3 hours. Now he wants to fly out and see me...soon maybe even... just an odd turn of events. It's really pretty exciting though.