Fanfic - Fool's Paradise (part four)
Sorry for the wait on this. It kind of fell by the wayside for a while. Hopefully this update doesn't disappoint.
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The pair sat there in the dark, empty still stillness of the abandoned chapel for what felt like an eternity, singing quietly to one another and to nothing at all. Kurt chose every one of their songs, turning to a new melody as soon as the last note of the previous song died away, sometimes doing little more than humming softly in the dark. Jeff didn’t know a good number of the songs Kurt chose, but he tried his best to follow along, sometimes adding in his own simple harmonies.
It reminded him of the game he liked to play with Blaine, how the two of them would sit at the piano in the practice room, teasing each other with more complex melodies and harmonies until their fingers tapped out something beautiful. He wanted to tell Kurt this, but thought better of it. Kurt hadn’t reacted well to the thought of Blaine earlier and singing together in the old chapel at the edge of campus for an hour or two probably wasn’t going to change that. And, if Jeff thought about it, he knew Blaine a hell of a lot better than Kurt. It was best to just keep it to himself.
It was nearly dawn when the last song spilled from Kurt’s lips and faded into silence. It had been so quiet as to be nearly a whisper since the hoarseness in Kurt’s voice had overtaken his typical lilting falsetto. Jeff himself had stopped singing some time ago when the dry tickle in the back of his throat and the sharp tingling needles of cold in his extremities had driven him to distraction. And now his brain was way too tired to try and keep up with the notes.
When the music finally died, they sat in silence for a while, neither one quite sure what to do, both unwilling to make the first move. Their breath rose in little hazy white puffs above their heads, and Jeff could have sworn that the temperature had dropped even more since he’d first ventured in here.
Kurt suddenly shifted, the ancient wood of the pew beneath them moving with him, and Jeff’s eyes wandered along the length of their shared seat to Kurt’s hands. They were curled into fists pressed tight against the boy’s thighs, the hand closest to Jeff clutched protectively around his phone, and their words from earlier started running through his head.
Do you need to call someone?
I hope not.
Jeff swallowed nervously, trying not to think about Kurt’s odd behavior nor what his actions might have done to encourage it. It doesn’t matter, he told himself again and again, trying rather unsuccessfully to convince himself that everything was okay. Kurt’s been ill. You know that for a fact. You did nothing wrong in sitting here with him. If anything, he needed the company. Jeff’s fingers had gone numb some time ago, and his face was burning with chill. They really ought to get back inside.
“Hey.” He turned to Kurt as he spoke to see the other boy startle at the sound of his voice. He had to admit that the silence had been so pervasive that his words now felt out of place. He cleared his throat, gathering up the courage to speak again. “We, um, we should probably get back inside.” He turned to fully face Kurt, a wide, disarming smile spread across his face to hide his growing unease. “I’m pretty sure we’ll freeze if we stay out here much longer.”
Kurt nodded and slid from the pew bench to his feet without a word. The old wood creaked with the sudden change in weight, the sound echoing off the high, arched ceiling. Jeff quickly followed suit, doing his best to ignore the numbness in his legs, and his eyes darted back to Kurt’s hands. The other boy was still clutching his phone like a lifeline, the skin of his fingers almost white from the pressure.
Jeff sighed and reached out to grab Kurt’s hand. His fingers wound around the cold skin of Kurt’s palm, and he tugged him toward the large double doors. “Come on,” he whispered. “Let’s go back.”
---
Jeff dragged Kurt to one of the lesser used side doors so they would be less likely to be caught. Warmth enveloped their bodies like a blanket the second they stepped out into the hall, and Jeff almost lost himself in the sensation. He glanced up and down the hallways, searching for any teachers and aids who might be lurking in the dim light of the coming dawn. The last thing he needed was to get caught wandering around with another student after curfew (or would that be before, now that the sun had started to rise?) the day before classes started.
They made it to the second floor, Jeff pulling an oddly pliant Kurt behind him the entire time, before slowing to a stop. Jeff’s breath was coming in fast little pants, and he could see Kurt’s chest moving a little faster and shallower than usual, his cheeks stained with bright spots of color. Sprinting up the grand staircase while dodging phantoms in the halls made for decent exercise.
“So,” he said with a breathy huff and a smile, finally letting go of Kurt’s hand. “Where do you want to go?”
“I don’t know,” Kurt whispered in response. He seemed a little more lucid now that they were inside. “I don’t want to go back to my room.”
Jeff cast a look up the remaining stairs and grimaced. Going into his dorm room now might very well wake his roommate, and Jeff didn’t trust the guy well enough yet to be sure he wouldn’t tattle on him. It would be safest to find a spot to hide out away from the dorms for now, like an empty classroom or perhaps in a secluded nook of one of the common rooms. “Yeah, that’s probably best. I don’t really feel like going to my room either.”
He looked down the hallway and tried to think of where they could go. The sky outside was fading from black to blue with the rising sun, lightening the long shadows of the hall. He sighed and looked back at Kurt and was taken aback by what he saw. Now that he could see him properly, the boy in front of him looked vastly different from the Kurt Hummel he remembered, like someone had taken Kurt and sucked out his essence, replacing him with something…different, not Kurt. Gone was the stubborn set of his chin, the calculating look in his eyes, replaced with a bone-deep weariness that Jeff couldn’t quite place. It was unsettling. He swallowed and grabbed Kurt’s hand again, leading him down the main hall.
“Come on. I know where we can go.”
Their footsteps echoed eerily in the silent halls, and Jeff’s heart pounded furiously in his chest. Oh god, they were going to get caught, weren’t they? They were going to get caught, and he was going to get a reprimand before school even started all because he had wandered outside, and he wasn’t ever going to go to college and get out of this stupid state, and-the sophomore commons were just as empty as everywhere else. The fire had long gone out in the fireplace, the ashes from the night before still lumped in a small charcoaled pile behind the old metal safety grate, but the room was just as warm as the rest of the building. Still and silent and no one would know they were there if they stayed quiet and out of direct sight of the hallway. Perfect.
Jeff released Kurt once more and stalked over to an armchair beside one of the large arching windows. Kurt stood there for a moment, his fingers moving restlessly over the surface of his phone before he stepped forward to follow. He made directly for the window and stared out the glass at the grounds below. He could see the shed where the groundskeeper kept a great deal of his equipment.
“Kurt? Are you okay?” Kurt turned at the soft query and looked at Jeff. The boy was leaning forward on his knees, his brow drawn into a worried frown.
“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry, I was just thinking.”
“About what?”
“Things,” he said vaguely, gesturing a little with his hands as he moved away from the window to sit across from Jeff on one of the great scarlet couches. He didn’t bother to elaborate any further, and Jeff didn’t feel like pushing it.
“So, um, how was your summer?” Stupid question. “I mean, aside from getting sick and all-”
“I don’t remember most of it. I was in and out of the hospital a lot.”
“Oh.” Well, that went south fast. “Um, do you want to talk about it?”
Kurt looked away. “Not really. There’s not much to talk about, and I don’t know what there is to say.”
That was at least a partial lie: there was plenty to talk about if Kurt was willing. Hospital visits weren’t exactly vacations; there was always a reason behind them. “Well, are you better? That’s a good place to start, I suppose.” Jeff caught himself and backtracked on his words a bit, praying that he wasn’t overstepping his bounds. “That is, if you want to tell me, of course! I don’t want to push you into talking about this if you don’t want to.”
Kurt shot him a sad, tired smile. “No, it’s okay. I just don’t know what to say about the whole thing. I was sick, I got treatment, and now I’m well enough to go back to school. I’m not completely better yet, but I guess it’s something.”
“Hey now, when did you go and become an optimist?”
“You call that optimism?”
“Well, not exactly, but coming from you…I’ll take what I can get.”
Kurt actually laughed at that, and Jeff relaxed a bit. As long as he could keep this as casual as possible, he might be able to garner some real information from Kurt. As the shorter boy sobered, Jeff steeled himself for his next question. “So, do you have, like, cancer or something?” The question came out so quiet it was almost a whisper. He hadn’t wanted to ask, but he needed to know. Cancer was big. Big enough to need hospitalization off and on over several months, and treatments for it would certainly explain Kurt’s wan appearance.
“Cancer?” Kurt’s eyes had gone wide with surprise, and his voice was tinged with disbelief. He stared at Jeff for a moment before letting forth another quick laugh. He stilled when he realized that Jeff was hadn‘t moved and was still silent as the grave. “Wait, you’re serious?”
“Yes, Kurt. I’m serious. Though I’m guessing from your reaction that it’s not cancer.”
“No, it’s not cancer.”
“You need some sort of transplant? There was a kid my freshman year who had to get his liver or something replaced, and-”
“No, my organs are just fine, thanks.”
“Then, it’s, um…yeah, I can’t think of anything else at the moment.” That wasn’t exactly true either; Jeff just didn’t want to guess. Some of the other maladies he could name fit better, but he wanted Kurt to trust him enough to tell him what was up. He stared silently at Kurt, his eyes urging him to say what had happened over the summer to have changed him and Blaine so much.
Kurt frowned once he caught on to what Jeff was waiting for and tucked his chin down tight toward his chest. He curled his legs up on the couch and drew himself together like a clam closing shut, his arms wrapping tightly around his torso. Jeff could see Kurt’s fingers twitching nervously, as though they wanted to move elsewhere, but Kurt wouldn’t allow them access to wherever it was they wanted to go. “I really don’t want to talk about this,” he mumbled into the fabric of his jacket.
“Okay. Okay, we don’t have to talk about that if you don’t want to. It’s fine. I’m sorry about asking and stuff. I knew you were uncomfortable with it, but I kept-”
“Jeff, it’s fine. I just don’t want to talk about it.”
“Okay. We can-we can talk about something else. How about music? Like, you could tell me about some of the songs you were singing outside, or maybe we could talk about the Warblers.” Kurt’s head shot up at that, his face pale.
“We haven’t started practices or anything for that yet, have we?”
Jeff shook his head. “No, though we do have auditions for new members coming up soon. We’re meeting up on Tuesday for those by the way, so make sure you’re there for that. It’s mandatory, and as a member of the council, it would seem unfair for me to let you get away with missing it. There was a meeting earlier, but it was for Bl-” he stopped short, not sure if he should bring up Blaine. “It wasn’t important.”
“It was Blaine, wasn’t it? That’s how you found out I was sick: he went and announced it to everyone.” The hurt and betrayal written across Kurt’s face stung like a knife to the chest, and Jeff fumbled with his words, trying to come to his friend’s defense.
“No! Well, I mean, I found out that you’d been sick after that meeting, but that was after I pestered him for a while about what was bothering him. And even then he didn’t really tell me much of anything; I had to figure most everything out on my own. I swear, he didn’t say anything about you at the meeting.”
Kurt wasn’t convinced in the slightest. His fingers were nearly tearing the sleeves of his jacket, he was gripping it so hard. “Sure. Whatever you say.”
“No, really. He didn’t say a word about you. Just that he couldn’t be on the council anymore because-”
“Wait,” Kurt interrupted, jerking forward in his seat, “he’s not on the council anymore?”
“That’s what I said.”
“But that-he told me that’s what he’s wanted for forever now, to be able to help choose songs and things and help the younger guys get accustomed to the group. He worked hard to get there, and I don’t understand why he would-”
Jeff held up a hand to still him. “I know, Kurt. We all thought it was weird too, but he simply called an early meeting around move-in and resigned. He didn’t say anything about you. In fact, I’m not sure that a lot of the guys noticed you were missing.”
Kurt winced, and Jeff cursed himself under his breath for sticking his foot in his mouth yet again. “I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just-”
“It’s fine. It’s better that people didn’t notice that I was gone. Less questions that way.”
Jeff went quiet for a while, not really sure what he could say to make things better. He knew that Kurt loved being in the spotlight, and the very thought of being forgotten was probably painful for him. He scoured his brain for a different subject to talk about. “Uh, so how do you feel about classes starting up?”
“Nervous.”
Well, at least they had that in common. “Yeah, me too. I did kind of terrible on my SAT and my parents want me to re-take it in November.”
“Oh. Sorry. That-that’s kind of awful.” Kurt’s words were halting but sincere. Some of the tension drained away from Jeff’s shoulders.
“It sucks something awful. Taking that thing again is one of the last things I want to do. Did you do well? You’re pretty smart, so I’m guessing you did.”
“I did all right. I didn’t score as high on the math portion as I’d hoped.”
“I know what you mean. Except in my case, just replace math with all of it.”
“Sorry,” Kurt whispered in sympathy.
“It’s okay. My parents are just really on me about grades and stuff this year. You know, with college coming up and all.” He paused for a second, lost in thought before turning back in full to face Kurt. “Do you know where you’re going to college?”
“College? I…no, not really.” Kurt’s gaze was fixed firmly on the floor. “I don’t…I’m not sure I’m even going to college.”
Well, that was certainly news to him. “Why not, Kurt? You’re really smart-I’ve seen your grades, man-and you were always talking to Blaine about going to New York and stuff. Did something change?” Another stupid question, but it was too late to do anything about it now. Of course something had changed. The kid had been in and out of the hospital all summer with what was probably a life-threatening disease. College was probably one of the last things on his mind.
Kurt stayed quiet, turning his head to look out the window beside them. The sun was peeking out over the horizon, hidden by a thick blanket of clouds stained orange and yellow with early morning light. Some of the early-rising students and staff would be up soon, and they’d no longer be alone. A thin layer of white frost had gathered along the edges of the roof he could see through the window. The corners of the glass were fogged a bit, obscuring the view of the grounds. It was colder than he’d thought.
“Yeah, Jeff. Something changed.” He brought his knees up to his chest, his gaze still fixed on the window almost like he was trying to memorize everything he saw. His voice was shaky, the hoarseness from before accentuating his distress and making it seem as though he was about to cry.
Jeff stood and walked over to the couch. He set himself down beside Kurt and sank into the plush old cushions. He wanted nothing more than to draw the other boy up into a hug-he certainly looked like he could use one right now-but thought better of it. Kurt had never seemed one for physical affection, and Jeff really didn’t know him that well. It wasn’t like they were friends or anything-just guys who sang together in the glee club.
He swallowed and placed a hand on Kurt’s shoulder. The boy was trembling like a bird under his hand, and his mind went unbidden to Pavarotti, and how broken up Blaine had seemed about it. “It’s okay, Kurt. Everything is going to be okay.”
Jeff wasn’t sure that he believed his own words, but it felt comforting to say them out loud. He didn’t want to be here with this boy he hardly knew. He didn’t want to be the go-between for Kurt and Blaine now that their friendship, relationship, whatever it was had gone sour. He didn’t want to be here anymore with the weight of the damn world on his shoulders.
But Jeff was a nothing if not a good friend, and Kurt needed him now. He could sit here in the quiet of the early morning with the other boy until they were ready to talk some more or perhaps head back up to their rooms. There was no need to talk about Blaine or Kurt’s illness or anything else right now. They could sort out this whole mess later.
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Part one
Part three
Part five
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The pair sat there in the dark, empty still stillness of the abandoned chapel for what felt like an eternity, singing quietly to one another and to nothing at all. Kurt chose every one of their songs, turning to a new melody as soon as the last note of the previous song died away, sometimes doing little more than humming softly in the dark. Jeff didn’t know a good number of the songs Kurt chose, but he tried his best to follow along, sometimes adding in his own simple harmonies.
It reminded him of the game he liked to play with Blaine, how the two of them would sit at the piano in the practice room, teasing each other with more complex melodies and harmonies until their fingers tapped out something beautiful. He wanted to tell Kurt this, but thought better of it. Kurt hadn’t reacted well to the thought of Blaine earlier and singing together in the old chapel at the edge of campus for an hour or two probably wasn’t going to change that. And, if Jeff thought about it, he knew Blaine a hell of a lot better than Kurt. It was best to just keep it to himself.
It was nearly dawn when the last song spilled from Kurt’s lips and faded into silence. It had been so quiet as to be nearly a whisper since the hoarseness in Kurt’s voice had overtaken his typical lilting falsetto. Jeff himself had stopped singing some time ago when the dry tickle in the back of his throat and the sharp tingling needles of cold in his extremities had driven him to distraction. And now his brain was way too tired to try and keep up with the notes.
When the music finally died, they sat in silence for a while, neither one quite sure what to do, both unwilling to make the first move. Their breath rose in little hazy white puffs above their heads, and Jeff could have sworn that the temperature had dropped even more since he’d first ventured in here.
Kurt suddenly shifted, the ancient wood of the pew beneath them moving with him, and Jeff’s eyes wandered along the length of their shared seat to Kurt’s hands. They were curled into fists pressed tight against the boy’s thighs, the hand closest to Jeff clutched protectively around his phone, and their words from earlier started running through his head.
Do you need to call someone?
I hope not.
Jeff swallowed nervously, trying not to think about Kurt’s odd behavior nor what his actions might have done to encourage it. It doesn’t matter, he told himself again and again, trying rather unsuccessfully to convince himself that everything was okay. Kurt’s been ill. You know that for a fact. You did nothing wrong in sitting here with him. If anything, he needed the company. Jeff’s fingers had gone numb some time ago, and his face was burning with chill. They really ought to get back inside.
“Hey.” He turned to Kurt as he spoke to see the other boy startle at the sound of his voice. He had to admit that the silence had been so pervasive that his words now felt out of place. He cleared his throat, gathering up the courage to speak again. “We, um, we should probably get back inside.” He turned to fully face Kurt, a wide, disarming smile spread across his face to hide his growing unease. “I’m pretty sure we’ll freeze if we stay out here much longer.”
Kurt nodded and slid from the pew bench to his feet without a word. The old wood creaked with the sudden change in weight, the sound echoing off the high, arched ceiling. Jeff quickly followed suit, doing his best to ignore the numbness in his legs, and his eyes darted back to Kurt’s hands. The other boy was still clutching his phone like a lifeline, the skin of his fingers almost white from the pressure.
Jeff sighed and reached out to grab Kurt’s hand. His fingers wound around the cold skin of Kurt’s palm, and he tugged him toward the large double doors. “Come on,” he whispered. “Let’s go back.”
---
Jeff dragged Kurt to one of the lesser used side doors so they would be less likely to be caught. Warmth enveloped their bodies like a blanket the second they stepped out into the hall, and Jeff almost lost himself in the sensation. He glanced up and down the hallways, searching for any teachers and aids who might be lurking in the dim light of the coming dawn. The last thing he needed was to get caught wandering around with another student after curfew (or would that be before, now that the sun had started to rise?) the day before classes started.
They made it to the second floor, Jeff pulling an oddly pliant Kurt behind him the entire time, before slowing to a stop. Jeff’s breath was coming in fast little pants, and he could see Kurt’s chest moving a little faster and shallower than usual, his cheeks stained with bright spots of color. Sprinting up the grand staircase while dodging phantoms in the halls made for decent exercise.
“So,” he said with a breathy huff and a smile, finally letting go of Kurt’s hand. “Where do you want to go?”
“I don’t know,” Kurt whispered in response. He seemed a little more lucid now that they were inside. “I don’t want to go back to my room.”
Jeff cast a look up the remaining stairs and grimaced. Going into his dorm room now might very well wake his roommate, and Jeff didn’t trust the guy well enough yet to be sure he wouldn’t tattle on him. It would be safest to find a spot to hide out away from the dorms for now, like an empty classroom or perhaps in a secluded nook of one of the common rooms. “Yeah, that’s probably best. I don’t really feel like going to my room either.”
He looked down the hallway and tried to think of where they could go. The sky outside was fading from black to blue with the rising sun, lightening the long shadows of the hall. He sighed and looked back at Kurt and was taken aback by what he saw. Now that he could see him properly, the boy in front of him looked vastly different from the Kurt Hummel he remembered, like someone had taken Kurt and sucked out his essence, replacing him with something…different, not Kurt. Gone was the stubborn set of his chin, the calculating look in his eyes, replaced with a bone-deep weariness that Jeff couldn’t quite place. It was unsettling. He swallowed and grabbed Kurt’s hand again, leading him down the main hall.
“Come on. I know where we can go.”
Their footsteps echoed eerily in the silent halls, and Jeff’s heart pounded furiously in his chest. Oh god, they were going to get caught, weren’t they? They were going to get caught, and he was going to get a reprimand before school even started all because he had wandered outside, and he wasn’t ever going to go to college and get out of this stupid state, and-the sophomore commons were just as empty as everywhere else. The fire had long gone out in the fireplace, the ashes from the night before still lumped in a small charcoaled pile behind the old metal safety grate, but the room was just as warm as the rest of the building. Still and silent and no one would know they were there if they stayed quiet and out of direct sight of the hallway. Perfect.
Jeff released Kurt once more and stalked over to an armchair beside one of the large arching windows. Kurt stood there for a moment, his fingers moving restlessly over the surface of his phone before he stepped forward to follow. He made directly for the window and stared out the glass at the grounds below. He could see the shed where the groundskeeper kept a great deal of his equipment.
“Kurt? Are you okay?” Kurt turned at the soft query and looked at Jeff. The boy was leaning forward on his knees, his brow drawn into a worried frown.
“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry, I was just thinking.”
“About what?”
“Things,” he said vaguely, gesturing a little with his hands as he moved away from the window to sit across from Jeff on one of the great scarlet couches. He didn’t bother to elaborate any further, and Jeff didn’t feel like pushing it.
“So, um, how was your summer?” Stupid question. “I mean, aside from getting sick and all-”
“I don’t remember most of it. I was in and out of the hospital a lot.”
“Oh.” Well, that went south fast. “Um, do you want to talk about it?”
Kurt looked away. “Not really. There’s not much to talk about, and I don’t know what there is to say.”
That was at least a partial lie: there was plenty to talk about if Kurt was willing. Hospital visits weren’t exactly vacations; there was always a reason behind them. “Well, are you better? That’s a good place to start, I suppose.” Jeff caught himself and backtracked on his words a bit, praying that he wasn’t overstepping his bounds. “That is, if you want to tell me, of course! I don’t want to push you into talking about this if you don’t want to.”
Kurt shot him a sad, tired smile. “No, it’s okay. I just don’t know what to say about the whole thing. I was sick, I got treatment, and now I’m well enough to go back to school. I’m not completely better yet, but I guess it’s something.”
“Hey now, when did you go and become an optimist?”
“You call that optimism?”
“Well, not exactly, but coming from you…I’ll take what I can get.”
Kurt actually laughed at that, and Jeff relaxed a bit. As long as he could keep this as casual as possible, he might be able to garner some real information from Kurt. As the shorter boy sobered, Jeff steeled himself for his next question. “So, do you have, like, cancer or something?” The question came out so quiet it was almost a whisper. He hadn’t wanted to ask, but he needed to know. Cancer was big. Big enough to need hospitalization off and on over several months, and treatments for it would certainly explain Kurt’s wan appearance.
“Cancer?” Kurt’s eyes had gone wide with surprise, and his voice was tinged with disbelief. He stared at Jeff for a moment before letting forth another quick laugh. He stilled when he realized that Jeff was hadn‘t moved and was still silent as the grave. “Wait, you’re serious?”
“Yes, Kurt. I’m serious. Though I’m guessing from your reaction that it’s not cancer.”
“No, it’s not cancer.”
“You need some sort of transplant? There was a kid my freshman year who had to get his liver or something replaced, and-”
“No, my organs are just fine, thanks.”
“Then, it’s, um…yeah, I can’t think of anything else at the moment.” That wasn’t exactly true either; Jeff just didn’t want to guess. Some of the other maladies he could name fit better, but he wanted Kurt to trust him enough to tell him what was up. He stared silently at Kurt, his eyes urging him to say what had happened over the summer to have changed him and Blaine so much.
Kurt frowned once he caught on to what Jeff was waiting for and tucked his chin down tight toward his chest. He curled his legs up on the couch and drew himself together like a clam closing shut, his arms wrapping tightly around his torso. Jeff could see Kurt’s fingers twitching nervously, as though they wanted to move elsewhere, but Kurt wouldn’t allow them access to wherever it was they wanted to go. “I really don’t want to talk about this,” he mumbled into the fabric of his jacket.
“Okay. Okay, we don’t have to talk about that if you don’t want to. It’s fine. I’m sorry about asking and stuff. I knew you were uncomfortable with it, but I kept-”
“Jeff, it’s fine. I just don’t want to talk about it.”
“Okay. We can-we can talk about something else. How about music? Like, you could tell me about some of the songs you were singing outside, or maybe we could talk about the Warblers.” Kurt’s head shot up at that, his face pale.
“We haven’t started practices or anything for that yet, have we?”
Jeff shook his head. “No, though we do have auditions for new members coming up soon. We’re meeting up on Tuesday for those by the way, so make sure you’re there for that. It’s mandatory, and as a member of the council, it would seem unfair for me to let you get away with missing it. There was a meeting earlier, but it was for Bl-” he stopped short, not sure if he should bring up Blaine. “It wasn’t important.”
“It was Blaine, wasn’t it? That’s how you found out I was sick: he went and announced it to everyone.” The hurt and betrayal written across Kurt’s face stung like a knife to the chest, and Jeff fumbled with his words, trying to come to his friend’s defense.
“No! Well, I mean, I found out that you’d been sick after that meeting, but that was after I pestered him for a while about what was bothering him. And even then he didn’t really tell me much of anything; I had to figure most everything out on my own. I swear, he didn’t say anything about you at the meeting.”
Kurt wasn’t convinced in the slightest. His fingers were nearly tearing the sleeves of his jacket, he was gripping it so hard. “Sure. Whatever you say.”
“No, really. He didn’t say a word about you. Just that he couldn’t be on the council anymore because-”
“Wait,” Kurt interrupted, jerking forward in his seat, “he’s not on the council anymore?”
“That’s what I said.”
“But that-he told me that’s what he’s wanted for forever now, to be able to help choose songs and things and help the younger guys get accustomed to the group. He worked hard to get there, and I don’t understand why he would-”
Jeff held up a hand to still him. “I know, Kurt. We all thought it was weird too, but he simply called an early meeting around move-in and resigned. He didn’t say anything about you. In fact, I’m not sure that a lot of the guys noticed you were missing.”
Kurt winced, and Jeff cursed himself under his breath for sticking his foot in his mouth yet again. “I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just-”
“It’s fine. It’s better that people didn’t notice that I was gone. Less questions that way.”
Jeff went quiet for a while, not really sure what he could say to make things better. He knew that Kurt loved being in the spotlight, and the very thought of being forgotten was probably painful for him. He scoured his brain for a different subject to talk about. “Uh, so how do you feel about classes starting up?”
“Nervous.”
Well, at least they had that in common. “Yeah, me too. I did kind of terrible on my SAT and my parents want me to re-take it in November.”
“Oh. Sorry. That-that’s kind of awful.” Kurt’s words were halting but sincere. Some of the tension drained away from Jeff’s shoulders.
“It sucks something awful. Taking that thing again is one of the last things I want to do. Did you do well? You’re pretty smart, so I’m guessing you did.”
“I did all right. I didn’t score as high on the math portion as I’d hoped.”
“I know what you mean. Except in my case, just replace math with all of it.”
“Sorry,” Kurt whispered in sympathy.
“It’s okay. My parents are just really on me about grades and stuff this year. You know, with college coming up and all.” He paused for a second, lost in thought before turning back in full to face Kurt. “Do you know where you’re going to college?”
“College? I…no, not really.” Kurt’s gaze was fixed firmly on the floor. “I don’t…I’m not sure I’m even going to college.”
Well, that was certainly news to him. “Why not, Kurt? You’re really smart-I’ve seen your grades, man-and you were always talking to Blaine about going to New York and stuff. Did something change?” Another stupid question, but it was too late to do anything about it now. Of course something had changed. The kid had been in and out of the hospital all summer with what was probably a life-threatening disease. College was probably one of the last things on his mind.
Kurt stayed quiet, turning his head to look out the window beside them. The sun was peeking out over the horizon, hidden by a thick blanket of clouds stained orange and yellow with early morning light. Some of the early-rising students and staff would be up soon, and they’d no longer be alone. A thin layer of white frost had gathered along the edges of the roof he could see through the window. The corners of the glass were fogged a bit, obscuring the view of the grounds. It was colder than he’d thought.
“Yeah, Jeff. Something changed.” He brought his knees up to his chest, his gaze still fixed on the window almost like he was trying to memorize everything he saw. His voice was shaky, the hoarseness from before accentuating his distress and making it seem as though he was about to cry.
Jeff stood and walked over to the couch. He set himself down beside Kurt and sank into the plush old cushions. He wanted nothing more than to draw the other boy up into a hug-he certainly looked like he could use one right now-but thought better of it. Kurt had never seemed one for physical affection, and Jeff really didn’t know him that well. It wasn’t like they were friends or anything-just guys who sang together in the glee club.
He swallowed and placed a hand on Kurt’s shoulder. The boy was trembling like a bird under his hand, and his mind went unbidden to Pavarotti, and how broken up Blaine had seemed about it. “It’s okay, Kurt. Everything is going to be okay.”
Jeff wasn’t sure that he believed his own words, but it felt comforting to say them out loud. He didn’t want to be here with this boy he hardly knew. He didn’t want to be the go-between for Kurt and Blaine now that their friendship, relationship, whatever it was had gone sour. He didn’t want to be here anymore with the weight of the damn world on his shoulders.
But Jeff was a nothing if not a good friend, and Kurt needed him now. He could sit here in the quiet of the early morning with the other boy until they were ready to talk some more or perhaps head back up to their rooms. There was no need to talk about Blaine or Kurt’s illness or anything else right now. They could sort out this whole mess later.
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Part one
Part three
Part five