Fic: Tasty Muffin Man [Glee]
Title: Tasty Muffin Man
Author: teaboytoaliens
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Kurt/Puck
Word Count: ~2000
Spoilers: None.
Summary: Sure they may not have actually had any conversations beyond 'Can I get you a refill?', but Kurt is in love. Their romance will be epic--and he already knows how the guy likes his coffee, that's a start, right?
Disclaimer: I do not own any aspect of Fox's Glee nor do I make that claim. Original creations of this story, including, but not limited to, characters, settings, and plot, are copyright to me.
Author's Notes: Written for this glee_fluff_meme prompt. The prompt gives away the entire plot, though, so I wouldn't read it before the fic itself. I have a weakness for Jesse St. James and I know way too much of the backstory for this fic. Whatever.
“Shit.”
“Don’t swear at the customers, Hummel.”
“Shut it, St. James. Sorry, could you maybe start over?”
The pretty brunette that Kurt just cut off mid-coffee order does so, but with the added bonus of what Kurt assumes is her best bitch face. (It’s not very good, especially when you compare it to Kurt’s own.) He punches in her order and makes her change on auto-pilot before shoving the coffee cup he’s just scribbled on in permanent marker into Jesse’s shoulder harder than entirely necessary.
Jesse laughs and takes the coffee cup. “Where did that come from, anyway?” he asks.
“I got the last coffee order before we switched wrong,” Kurt mutters.
Jesse’s eyebrows raise knowingly. “Ah,” he says, glancing over to where said ‘last coffee order’ is sitting. “It doesn’t look like he minds.”
Jesse sweeps over to the proper machine for what Bitch Face Brunette (as Kurt has now christened her in his mind) ordered, and Kurt sighs and takes the next order. As he’s waiting for the business man to dig money out of his wallet his gaze drifts over to the customer whose coffee order he’d messed up. He’s sitting at a table by the windows, his textbooks spread out in front of him, and it looks like Jesse’s lying, because he takes a sip of his coffee and makes a face that doesn’t exactly imply that he loves it.
Kurt feels terrible, because he’s positive he dumped a lot of cream in there, and this particular customer has been coming in and ordering the exact same thing (strong, black, one packet of sugar) for more than a month, so there is really no reason that Kurt should have made a mistake. (He’s been in exactly nineteen times including the current day, sometimes sitting down with his textbooks and sometimes running off somewhere, but who’s counting? Kurt isn’t.)
And then he picks up the chocolate monstrosity of a muffin that Kurt would never in a million years put anywhere near his mouth and sinks his teeth into it and the look on his face is so hot that Kurt is completely distracted and doesn’t even register that the business man is trying to hand him money, because damn, does that man deserve the nickname Kurt’s given him.
He snaps back down to earth when Jesse hits him in the shoulder, but as soon as he’s made change for the business man and handed the coffee cup off to Jesse, he chances another glance over at the table by the window.
Oh, Tasty Muffin Man, someday when I actually know your name, you shall be mine.
---
“Your regular?”
“Can I get whatever it was that you gave me last time, actually? And a blueberry muffin this time, please.”
“Sure.”
Tasty Muffin Man likes the drink I made for him. This is an obvious sign of his undying love for me.
---
“You need to stop ogling him.”
Kurt quickly looks back down at his swatch board like he wasn’t just staring at Tasty Muffin Man from behind the counter.
“No, seriously, Kurt. Stop ogling him and go talk to him instead. It’s a slow day, I can cover it if someone comes in.”
Kurt shakes his head. “No, I need to finish this assignment.”
“Bullshit, I’ve known you long enough to know what a finished product looks like,” Jesse says, grabbing the board out of Kurt’s hands. “Go.”
The only reason Kurt is walking across the coffee shop a minute later is because he’s suffering a lack of muscles from spending all his time hunched over a sewing machine rather than doing active theatre stuff like Jesse. He needs to join the cheer squad or something, even though he has no time for that.
He makes his way over to Tasty Muffin Man’s table slowly, trying to come up with a course of action that would get him safely back behind the counter. He stands awkwardly about three feet away from the table, admiring the flex of Tasty Muffin Man’s arm muscles as he flips through a textbook. Kurt glimpses the side of one. Tasty Muffin Man is a law student.
We’d be the ultimate power couple-hotshot lawyer and famous fashion designer.
Just then Tasty Muffin Man looks up from his work and notices Kurt standing there. He smiles a little, the question of what the fuck Kurt is doing there written all over his face.
“Uh...” Kurt stammers out. “Can I get you a refill?”
Tasty Muffin Man still looks confused, but he picks up his cup and holds it out to Kurt anyway. “Sure. Thanks for offering.”
Kurt nods and scurries back behind the counter to get Tasty Muffin Man some more coffee. He resolutely ignores Jesse’s look (a cross between disbelief and disappointment with a side of what the fuck is your problem).
The smile Tasty Muffin Man flashes Kurt when he hands over the fresh cup of coffee nearly sends Kurt into cardiac arrest.
Maybe we shouldn’t get together. I’d be wrapped around his little finger with a smile like that.
---
“No, Finn. If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times: I am not going on a date with some frat boy who goes by the name of Puck.”
“Kurt, bro, you’ve gotta let some love into your life. He’s gay, he’s been approved by me-“
“And therein lies the problem.”
“Kurt-“
“No.”
We may have barely had a conversation, but I am destined for a life of love with Tasty Muffin Man.
---
“I mean, our romance will be epic. I already know how he likes his coffee, that’s a good start, right?”
“Do you seriously expect me to answer that question?” Jesse asks, knowing full well from prior experience, that no, Kurt doesn’t expect him to answer that question.
“I’m serious, St. James. I’m going to actually talk to him today. I’m going to find out his name. Mark it on the calendar. This day will be life-changing.”
This is new, though. Jesse’s still not convinced. “I’ll believe it when I see it.”
“You’re about to, because here he comes. Oh, God, what if I-“
Kurt falls silent abruptly and Jesse feels the need to look and find out what made him shut up so fast, if only so he can use it again in future. He sees the so-called ‘Tasty Muffin Man’ (Jesse can’t see the appeal even abstractly. He just looks like a dumb jock, although according to Kurt he studies law and thus is likely not totally stupid) coming through the door, but that’s not special, unless he looks particularly good somehow today? But no, now Jesse sees the problem.
Tasty Muffin Man’s got a blonde girl hanging off his arm.
Jesse feels obligated to push Kurt out of the way and take their orders himself, because he’s actually not as heartless as he pretends to be.
“They could just be friends,” he tells Kurt after Tasty Muffin Man and whatever mean name Kurt’s likely come up with for the blonde chick have gone to sit down with their coffee.
Kurt’s staring over his shoulder. “That doesn’t look like just friends,” he grumbles.
Jesse chances a look. They’re not making out (thank fuck, because he thinks it’s in the job description that they’re supposed to break that up and he doesn’t want to do that, thank you very much) but they’re sitting close together on the same side of the table and giggling about something. The blonde chick kisses Tasty Muffin Man on the cheek, and yeah, Jesse doesn’t know how he can play that off as a just friends thing, really.
“It’ll be all right, Hummel,” he says awkwardly, punching Kurt in the shoulder (he would describe it as affectionate, but he doesn’t actually do affection).
Kurt glares at him.
My heart is shattering, St. James. Don’t even try to play this off as no big deal.
---
“Hey, Finn? Still desperately want to set me up?”
“Are you actually going for it now?”
“...I guess so.”
“Sweet, hell yes, bro.”
If Puck the Douche Frat Boy is even a quarter as attractive as Tasty Muffin Man, this method of distraction could have a chance in succeeding.
---
Puck the Douche Frat Boy isn’t a quarter as attractive as Tasty Muffin Man. He is Tasty Muffin Man and he looks impossibly hotter when he cleans up for a dinner date. Kurt hasn’t even said anything yet, even though Puck (he has a name, what is that?) has been practically giving a monologue about how much of a coincidence this is and how he’s going to punch Finn for not giving him more detail about this guy he was being set up with, and hey, why don’t you guys wear name tags when you work?
Meanwhile Kurt’s brain is on overload, screaming things about how this must be destiny, fate, kismet, a divine force of some sort, a miracle, the best thing to ever happen to him ever, the sweet irony, the romantic stories they can tell in the future to their tasty muffin babies... and then he’s opening his mouth and going “What the hell kind of stupid name is Puck?”
Puck laughs nervously. “I kind of thought I was a total stud back in high school and since one of my high school friends ended up going to the same college as me, it kind of stuck. You can call me Noah. Seriously. I told Finn that, too, but he refuses to do it.”
“You’re still a stud,” Kurt says, then immediately wishes he hadn’t. “I mean, that sounds like Finn.”
Now Pu-Noah is smiling that smile and Kurt has to take a sip of his Diet Coke and sort of close his eyes to avoid hyperventilating at the dinner table. “Thank you, I think. Wow, I still can’t believe my favourite coffee barista is Finn’s stepbrother.”
“I’m your favourite?”
Kurt swears that Noah is blushing. “Well, yeah. I called you Pretty Fairy Boy in my head, which actually sounds kind of offensive now that I’m saying it out loud...”
Kurt isn’t paying attention to how offensive Noah’s nickname is for him, though. He’s just remembered something. “Wait, aren’t you straight?”
Noah frowns. “Uh, no? I agreed to a date with a dude, man, I think I’m pretty gay.”
“But you came in with Bi-I mean, that blonde girl. You were sort of all over each other.”
Noah stares at Kurt for a long, extremely awkward moment before bursting into laughter. Kurt stares back, kind of offended and extremely confused. There had been cheek kissing and giggling, for fuck’s sake. They were so coupley it had made Kurt want to vomit in his hat.
“You thought Quinn was my girlfriend? Dude, when I tell Rachel she’s going to be so pissed.”
“Rachel?”
“Quinn’s girlfriend,” Noah clarifies.
“Oh,” Kurt says. Then, “Oh.”
“Yeah. So, now that we’ve got that out of the way, do you want to ditch dinner and maybe make up for all those coy smiles you keep throwing at me when you make my coffee?”
“Only if you’re willing to make up for all the times I nearly went into cardiac arrest just from looking at you.”
“Done deal. Let’s get out of here.”
---
So many years my heart has waited,
Who'd have thought that love could be so caffeinated?
Author: teaboytoaliens
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Kurt/Puck
Word Count: ~2000
Spoilers: None.
Summary: Sure they may not have actually had any conversations beyond 'Can I get you a refill?', but Kurt is in love. Their romance will be epic--and he already knows how the guy likes his coffee, that's a start, right?
Disclaimer: I do not own any aspect of Fox's Glee nor do I make that claim. Original creations of this story, including, but not limited to, characters, settings, and plot, are copyright to me.
Author's Notes: Written for this glee_fluff_meme prompt. The prompt gives away the entire plot, though, so I wouldn't read it before the fic itself. I have a weakness for Jesse St. James and I know way too much of the backstory for this fic. Whatever.
“Shit.”
“Don’t swear at the customers, Hummel.”
“Shut it, St. James. Sorry, could you maybe start over?”
The pretty brunette that Kurt just cut off mid-coffee order does so, but with the added bonus of what Kurt assumes is her best bitch face. (It’s not very good, especially when you compare it to Kurt’s own.) He punches in her order and makes her change on auto-pilot before shoving the coffee cup he’s just scribbled on in permanent marker into Jesse’s shoulder harder than entirely necessary.
Jesse laughs and takes the coffee cup. “Where did that come from, anyway?” he asks.
“I got the last coffee order before we switched wrong,” Kurt mutters.
Jesse’s eyebrows raise knowingly. “Ah,” he says, glancing over to where said ‘last coffee order’ is sitting. “It doesn’t look like he minds.”
Jesse sweeps over to the proper machine for what Bitch Face Brunette (as Kurt has now christened her in his mind) ordered, and Kurt sighs and takes the next order. As he’s waiting for the business man to dig money out of his wallet his gaze drifts over to the customer whose coffee order he’d messed up. He’s sitting at a table by the windows, his textbooks spread out in front of him, and it looks like Jesse’s lying, because he takes a sip of his coffee and makes a face that doesn’t exactly imply that he loves it.
Kurt feels terrible, because he’s positive he dumped a lot of cream in there, and this particular customer has been coming in and ordering the exact same thing (strong, black, one packet of sugar) for more than a month, so there is really no reason that Kurt should have made a mistake. (He’s been in exactly nineteen times including the current day, sometimes sitting down with his textbooks and sometimes running off somewhere, but who’s counting? Kurt isn’t.)
And then he picks up the chocolate monstrosity of a muffin that Kurt would never in a million years put anywhere near his mouth and sinks his teeth into it and the look on his face is so hot that Kurt is completely distracted and doesn’t even register that the business man is trying to hand him money, because damn, does that man deserve the nickname Kurt’s given him.
He snaps back down to earth when Jesse hits him in the shoulder, but as soon as he’s made change for the business man and handed the coffee cup off to Jesse, he chances another glance over at the table by the window.
Oh, Tasty Muffin Man, someday when I actually know your name, you shall be mine.
---
“Your regular?”
“Can I get whatever it was that you gave me last time, actually? And a blueberry muffin this time, please.”
“Sure.”
Tasty Muffin Man likes the drink I made for him. This is an obvious sign of his undying love for me.
---
“You need to stop ogling him.”
Kurt quickly looks back down at his swatch board like he wasn’t just staring at Tasty Muffin Man from behind the counter.
“No, seriously, Kurt. Stop ogling him and go talk to him instead. It’s a slow day, I can cover it if someone comes in.”
Kurt shakes his head. “No, I need to finish this assignment.”
“Bullshit, I’ve known you long enough to know what a finished product looks like,” Jesse says, grabbing the board out of Kurt’s hands. “Go.”
The only reason Kurt is walking across the coffee shop a minute later is because he’s suffering a lack of muscles from spending all his time hunched over a sewing machine rather than doing active theatre stuff like Jesse. He needs to join the cheer squad or something, even though he has no time for that.
He makes his way over to Tasty Muffin Man’s table slowly, trying to come up with a course of action that would get him safely back behind the counter. He stands awkwardly about three feet away from the table, admiring the flex of Tasty Muffin Man’s arm muscles as he flips through a textbook. Kurt glimpses the side of one. Tasty Muffin Man is a law student.
We’d be the ultimate power couple-hotshot lawyer and famous fashion designer.
Just then Tasty Muffin Man looks up from his work and notices Kurt standing there. He smiles a little, the question of what the fuck Kurt is doing there written all over his face.
“Uh...” Kurt stammers out. “Can I get you a refill?”
Tasty Muffin Man still looks confused, but he picks up his cup and holds it out to Kurt anyway. “Sure. Thanks for offering.”
Kurt nods and scurries back behind the counter to get Tasty Muffin Man some more coffee. He resolutely ignores Jesse’s look (a cross between disbelief and disappointment with a side of what the fuck is your problem).
The smile Tasty Muffin Man flashes Kurt when he hands over the fresh cup of coffee nearly sends Kurt into cardiac arrest.
Maybe we shouldn’t get together. I’d be wrapped around his little finger with a smile like that.
---
“No, Finn. If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times: I am not going on a date with some frat boy who goes by the name of Puck.”
“Kurt, bro, you’ve gotta let some love into your life. He’s gay, he’s been approved by me-“
“And therein lies the problem.”
“Kurt-“
“No.”
We may have barely had a conversation, but I am destined for a life of love with Tasty Muffin Man.
---
“I mean, our romance will be epic. I already know how he likes his coffee, that’s a good start, right?”
“Do you seriously expect me to answer that question?” Jesse asks, knowing full well from prior experience, that no, Kurt doesn’t expect him to answer that question.
“I’m serious, St. James. I’m going to actually talk to him today. I’m going to find out his name. Mark it on the calendar. This day will be life-changing.”
This is new, though. Jesse’s still not convinced. “I’ll believe it when I see it.”
“You’re about to, because here he comes. Oh, God, what if I-“
Kurt falls silent abruptly and Jesse feels the need to look and find out what made him shut up so fast, if only so he can use it again in future. He sees the so-called ‘Tasty Muffin Man’ (Jesse can’t see the appeal even abstractly. He just looks like a dumb jock, although according to Kurt he studies law and thus is likely not totally stupid) coming through the door, but that’s not special, unless he looks particularly good somehow today? But no, now Jesse sees the problem.
Tasty Muffin Man’s got a blonde girl hanging off his arm.
Jesse feels obligated to push Kurt out of the way and take their orders himself, because he’s actually not as heartless as he pretends to be.
“They could just be friends,” he tells Kurt after Tasty Muffin Man and whatever mean name Kurt’s likely come up with for the blonde chick have gone to sit down with their coffee.
Kurt’s staring over his shoulder. “That doesn’t look like just friends,” he grumbles.
Jesse chances a look. They’re not making out (thank fuck, because he thinks it’s in the job description that they’re supposed to break that up and he doesn’t want to do that, thank you very much) but they’re sitting close together on the same side of the table and giggling about something. The blonde chick kisses Tasty Muffin Man on the cheek, and yeah, Jesse doesn’t know how he can play that off as a just friends thing, really.
“It’ll be all right, Hummel,” he says awkwardly, punching Kurt in the shoulder (he would describe it as affectionate, but he doesn’t actually do affection).
Kurt glares at him.
My heart is shattering, St. James. Don’t even try to play this off as no big deal.
---
“Hey, Finn? Still desperately want to set me up?”
“Are you actually going for it now?”
“...I guess so.”
“Sweet, hell yes, bro.”
If Puck the Douche Frat Boy is even a quarter as attractive as Tasty Muffin Man, this method of distraction could have a chance in succeeding.
---
Puck the Douche Frat Boy isn’t a quarter as attractive as Tasty Muffin Man. He is Tasty Muffin Man and he looks impossibly hotter when he cleans up for a dinner date. Kurt hasn’t even said anything yet, even though Puck (he has a name, what is that?) has been practically giving a monologue about how much of a coincidence this is and how he’s going to punch Finn for not giving him more detail about this guy he was being set up with, and hey, why don’t you guys wear name tags when you work?
Meanwhile Kurt’s brain is on overload, screaming things about how this must be destiny, fate, kismet, a divine force of some sort, a miracle, the best thing to ever happen to him ever, the sweet irony, the romantic stories they can tell in the future to their tasty muffin babies... and then he’s opening his mouth and going “What the hell kind of stupid name is Puck?”
Puck laughs nervously. “I kind of thought I was a total stud back in high school and since one of my high school friends ended up going to the same college as me, it kind of stuck. You can call me Noah. Seriously. I told Finn that, too, but he refuses to do it.”
“You’re still a stud,” Kurt says, then immediately wishes he hadn’t. “I mean, that sounds like Finn.”
Now Pu-Noah is smiling that smile and Kurt has to take a sip of his Diet Coke and sort of close his eyes to avoid hyperventilating at the dinner table. “Thank you, I think. Wow, I still can’t believe my favourite coffee barista is Finn’s stepbrother.”
“I’m your favourite?”
Kurt swears that Noah is blushing. “Well, yeah. I called you Pretty Fairy Boy in my head, which actually sounds kind of offensive now that I’m saying it out loud...”
Kurt isn’t paying attention to how offensive Noah’s nickname is for him, though. He’s just remembered something. “Wait, aren’t you straight?”
Noah frowns. “Uh, no? I agreed to a date with a dude, man, I think I’m pretty gay.”
“But you came in with Bi-I mean, that blonde girl. You were sort of all over each other.”
Noah stares at Kurt for a long, extremely awkward moment before bursting into laughter. Kurt stares back, kind of offended and extremely confused. There had been cheek kissing and giggling, for fuck’s sake. They were so coupley it had made Kurt want to vomit in his hat.
“You thought Quinn was my girlfriend? Dude, when I tell Rachel she’s going to be so pissed.”
“Rachel?”
“Quinn’s girlfriend,” Noah clarifies.
“Oh,” Kurt says. Then, “Oh.”
“Yeah. So, now that we’ve got that out of the way, do you want to ditch dinner and maybe make up for all those coy smiles you keep throwing at me when you make my coffee?”
“Only if you’re willing to make up for all the times I nearly went into cardiac arrest just from looking at you.”
“Done deal. Let’s get out of here.”
---
So many years my heart has waited,
Who'd have thought that love could be so caffeinated?