the work study vent... long time no blog.
This autumn season is my favorite time of year, when I'd never even imagine leaving West Virginia. Unfortunately, it will get colder, and my car doors will freeze shut, and I'll be forced to climb in through the trunk, wishing I was in South Carolina already. I'm sure they have some sort of freezing weather down there... I'll just practice in Georgia... someday, hopefully, maybe.
There's something so gratifying about the clicking sounds of a real typewriter; it almost urges you to type more, for the words to just flow out of you. Last night I "broke in" Kimmy's old one that's on loan to me; it had been sitting in a closet for what I gather as years on end. I just poured on and on, and though it felt like recycling old metaphors, it was good. Isn't writing about revitalizing older ideas and refreshing oneself, as well as expressing whatever needs documenting? Autumn (and malicious ex-friends/lovers) will be my inspiration for now.
I've been reprioritizing over the past couple of weeks. I didn't do much of anything this weekend except sleep, spend time with the family, and attempt to study. Though I feel like I missed out on what may well have been the best Saturday night ever, I know there's more to life than that; I know there's something more. I know I've been involved in habits that just aren't conducive to living healthily and spiritually. Is it really going to hurt me if I lose those friends? Probably not. Will it benefit me to totally consume myself in the efforts of church and school? I don't see much harm in it. I do, however, have this perception of what I'll become: desparingly lonely. I absolutely dread and loathe the idea of not being able to share life's experiences with anyone except those few that are close - my mother and dear friends. I want to be social and meet people and get out and just live. At the same time, I don't know if I can keep myself in check. There is such a thing as "too much of a good thing." It really is all about checks and balances.
I want to make more time in my grand schedule of life for opportunites to be creative and expressive. More cultural activities, more crafting, more intrinsic motiviation to sit at the piano and come up with something, more time outside, more spiritual searching... which leads to less internet, less cell phone, less naps. Naps, I tell you, are like Eve's apples. They nourish you, make you feel so good, but then this overwhelming guilt swamps you, making you realize that you just wasted two and a half hours on a couch, unconscious to the world. But, I still enjoy my naps.
And just as a random side note, I've noticed when attempting to express myself - even on here - I talk and type, and I have all these thoughts I want to get out, but I just feel like I'm skimming the surface of my intelligence. There's a lot going on; I just can't get to it. Am I losing it? Am I lacking something? Or am I just normal?
There's so much more going on in this world and in our lives than the simple, mundane things we humans tend to dwell on and magnify. Drama doesn't and shouldn't matter as much as the things we should truly value. Others' perceptions of you should not affect the decisions you make. Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."