30 Days of Song: day 08 - A song that you know all the words to
I had to take a break from this meme thanks to a shoulder injury that made typing a bit of a challenge last week.
Anyway, this one was difficult because I know the words to a lot of songs. In the end I decided to go with lyrics that are burned into my brain for a reason.
Tori Amos, 'Crucify'
Click to viewI was 15 when Tori Amos released Little Earthquakes in 1992 and I’ll never forget seeing her perform the single ‘Crucify’ on Top of the Pops. This woman, gyrating suggestively on a piano stool and singing about guilt, disturbed me so much that I switched off the television after the first couple of verses and didn’t listen to Amos again until I was 20.
As teenagers go, I wasn’t exactly innocent when it came to sex. By the time I was 15, I’d already been through a Madonna phase and was well into the Rocky Horror Show, but something about this song put me in direct contact with the complicated relationship between female subjectivity, sexuality and religious guilt that existed within me. Amos isn’t a Catholic herself, but her use of the crucifix as a metaphor here resonates with a Catholic subjectivity. It’s such a central piece of Catholic iconography and was so ubiquitous in my childhood (my mother still likes to have one in every room in the house). I had my religion, my sexuality and my femaleness neatly boxed away in separate packages and this song brought them all together in a way that I just didn’t want to deal with. It was too disturbingly upfront about the erotic undertones in Christian iconography. I wonder what she'd make of the tradition in my church of queuing up on Good Friday to kiss the bloodied knees and tortured feet of Christ on the cross. A whole album, probably.
'Crucify'
Every finger in the room is pointing at me
I wanna spit in their faces
Then I get affraid what that could bring
I got a bowling ball in my stomach
I got a desert in my mouth
Figures that my COURAGE would choose to sell out now.
I've been looking for a savior in these dirty streets
Looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets
I've been raising up my hands
Drive another nail in
Just what GOD needs
One more victim
Why do we crucify ourselves
Every day I crucify myself
Nothing I do is good enough for you
Crucify myself
Every day I crucify myself
And my HEART is sick of being in chains
Got a kick for a dog beggin' for LOVE
I gotta have my suffering
So that I can have my cross
I know a cat named Easter
He says will you ever learn
You're just an empty cage girl if you kill the brid
I've been looking for a savior in these dirty streets
Looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets
I've been raising up my hands
Drive another nail in
Got enough GUILT to start
My own religion
Why do we crucify ourselves
Every day I crucify myself
Nothing I do is good enough for you
Crucify myself
Every day I crucify myself
And my HEART is sick of being in chains
Please be
Save me
I CRY
Looking for a savior in these dirty streets
Looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets
I've been raising up my hands
Drive another nail in
Where are those angels
When you need them
Why do we crucify ourselves
Every day I crucify myself
Nothing I do is good enough for you
Crucify myself
Every day I crucify myself
And my HEART is sick of being in chains
Why do we change (chains?)
Crucify ourselves
Everyday
Never going back again
Crucify myself again
You know
Never going back again to
Crucify myself
Everyday