The Natural State of an Ankle is to Itch
Last time I was positive, this time, I'll show you the cons of an island paradise.
Bugs, holy TERRORS the bugs. We have a houseful of geckos and we can't get rid of all the bugs. I spray heavy-duty, no-one-in-her-right-mind-would-use kind of pesticides on the window screens and still... they seep through. These buggers make mosquitoes look easy. At least you can see a mosquito; you can hear it whining its vile little way towards you. You have a fighting chance at sending it to oblivion. These suckers here? No no.
They are called no-see-ums for a fine reason. You can't bloody see them. All you can do is FEEL the sudden scream of nerve endings when one gets you and, slap as you may, it's already gone. When - or if - you ever do find one on you, it is the most minuscule black dot. I don't even wear glasses and I feel like I need glasses to see them. Oh the havoc-causing potential of extremely tiny things. The only things that keep me sane are massive amounts of OFF Skintastic and the knowledge that the house lizards of various breeds are working overtime on these menaces.
Still, it appears nothing can stop these un-see-able vermin other than hermetically sealing the house... and suffocating in the ensuing stuffy heat. I would lobby for using the air-conditioners but (here I delve into another gripe) the power bill last month was more than I could handle as it was, sans a/c.
That is a new problem that has arisen. My financial adviser, Mom, has recently informed me that, well, "You know that money you thought you had, saved up from 18 months of work, well it's just about gone." What with all the doctor and dentist and whatnot bills finally coming through on my debit card, yeah, I'm broke. I had to just drain the account, hand the cash over to Dad, and throw myself on his mercy to feed and shuttle me around for the remainder of our time here, which I have already curtailed once, by two months, and cannot curtail again. So, I'm broke and on the dole. Splendid. And Dad is not one to let you forget he is doing a nice thing for you. I am going to have to grovel daily. And go home two months early. And get a job with speed.
Before you think me a horrid user and moocher, I did make rent for the rest of the time here, and paid back what I owed for the weekend trip we took to a neighboring island, but there's no dough left to help pay for the bread dough, so from now on, he pays or we go hungry. The thing is, the minimum lifestyle down here is quite exorbitant. The duties on imported food and goods, I have discovered, range from 0% exclusively on baby products, to 35% on food, to 50% on cars and imported items for which a Bahamian-produced product is available, to 100% on mattresses. No wonder there's no overt sales tax! They already have a 35% average tax embedded! Splendid. No wonder it's the playground of the rich (alone).
Okay, I will allow myself only one more gripe in this mass of negative energy, since it's really the only one left. Besides bugs, mendicancy, and the following, everything is great!
The biggest issue that I'm having here is dealing with my father on a daily basis. I'm not going to go into full detail and say all I'm liable to say once I get started, but I will say this. My mother was married to him 25 years and one week. That's 25 years longer than I would have remained married to him. His second wife was a blithering idiot but had the wisdom to cut and run after about four years, and that's three years and 364 days longer than I would have stayed.
He has always acted like a child and a bachelor, but I feel he is growing worse. Sad for him, since he really would like to have another relationship with a woman eventually. It's all I can do, despite all the love I have for him in my heart, not to scream NO WONDER YOU'RE SINGLE!!! directly in his face, daily. You'd think he had never met a female in his life, much less shared a home with a mother, sister, two wives, and a daughter. After a while, shouldn't your learning curve actually, you know, go up a little bit?
The lesson in all this? Self-evident. Paradise is the easiest thing in the world to get spoiled. That, and don't think living with your parents after being away is a good idea. Ever.
One more lesson that may not be self-evident: when someone offers you an island paradise, all your meals prepared, the house cleaned for you, and utter peace and quiet when you need to write or study, in short, if someone offers to be the enabler of your creativity, your ART! Refuse. It's a scam. You will cook your own food, no one will eat it at the table with you, you will clean everything yourself because you don't want the ants to get to it first, the house will always be filled with the blarings of Fox News and an over-zealous voice bellowing ultra-conservative hogwash at/around/through you,... and every time you sit down to do anything, it will be time to do what SOMEONE ELSE can't wait to do.
Paradise is a myth, ladies and gentlemen. Where there are relatives, peace and quiet are impossible. Patently impossible.
Having said all that, we went to the Abacos for the weekend and it was very pretty.
Bugs, holy TERRORS the bugs. We have a houseful of geckos and we can't get rid of all the bugs. I spray heavy-duty, no-one-in-her-right-mind-would-use kind of pesticides on the window screens and still... they seep through. These buggers make mosquitoes look easy. At least you can see a mosquito; you can hear it whining its vile little way towards you. You have a fighting chance at sending it to oblivion. These suckers here? No no.
They are called no-see-ums for a fine reason. You can't bloody see them. All you can do is FEEL the sudden scream of nerve endings when one gets you and, slap as you may, it's already gone. When - or if - you ever do find one on you, it is the most minuscule black dot. I don't even wear glasses and I feel like I need glasses to see them. Oh the havoc-causing potential of extremely tiny things. The only things that keep me sane are massive amounts of OFF Skintastic and the knowledge that the house lizards of various breeds are working overtime on these menaces.
Still, it appears nothing can stop these un-see-able vermin other than hermetically sealing the house... and suffocating in the ensuing stuffy heat. I would lobby for using the air-conditioners but (here I delve into another gripe) the power bill last month was more than I could handle as it was, sans a/c.
That is a new problem that has arisen. My financial adviser, Mom, has recently informed me that, well, "You know that money you thought you had, saved up from 18 months of work, well it's just about gone." What with all the doctor and dentist and whatnot bills finally coming through on my debit card, yeah, I'm broke. I had to just drain the account, hand the cash over to Dad, and throw myself on his mercy to feed and shuttle me around for the remainder of our time here, which I have already curtailed once, by two months, and cannot curtail again. So, I'm broke and on the dole. Splendid. And Dad is not one to let you forget he is doing a nice thing for you. I am going to have to grovel daily. And go home two months early. And get a job with speed.
Before you think me a horrid user and moocher, I did make rent for the rest of the time here, and paid back what I owed for the weekend trip we took to a neighboring island, but there's no dough left to help pay for the bread dough, so from now on, he pays or we go hungry. The thing is, the minimum lifestyle down here is quite exorbitant. The duties on imported food and goods, I have discovered, range from 0% exclusively on baby products, to 35% on food, to 50% on cars and imported items for which a Bahamian-produced product is available, to 100% on mattresses. No wonder there's no overt sales tax! They already have a 35% average tax embedded! Splendid. No wonder it's the playground of the rich (alone).
Okay, I will allow myself only one more gripe in this mass of negative energy, since it's really the only one left. Besides bugs, mendicancy, and the following, everything is great!
The biggest issue that I'm having here is dealing with my father on a daily basis. I'm not going to go into full detail and say all I'm liable to say once I get started, but I will say this. My mother was married to him 25 years and one week. That's 25 years longer than I would have remained married to him. His second wife was a blithering idiot but had the wisdom to cut and run after about four years, and that's three years and 364 days longer than I would have stayed.
He has always acted like a child and a bachelor, but I feel he is growing worse. Sad for him, since he really would like to have another relationship with a woman eventually. It's all I can do, despite all the love I have for him in my heart, not to scream NO WONDER YOU'RE SINGLE!!! directly in his face, daily. You'd think he had never met a female in his life, much less shared a home with a mother, sister, two wives, and a daughter. After a while, shouldn't your learning curve actually, you know, go up a little bit?
The lesson in all this? Self-evident. Paradise is the easiest thing in the world to get spoiled. That, and don't think living with your parents after being away is a good idea. Ever.
One more lesson that may not be self-evident: when someone offers you an island paradise, all your meals prepared, the house cleaned for you, and utter peace and quiet when you need to write or study, in short, if someone offers to be the enabler of your creativity, your ART! Refuse. It's a scam. You will cook your own food, no one will eat it at the table with you, you will clean everything yourself because you don't want the ants to get to it first, the house will always be filled with the blarings of Fox News and an over-zealous voice bellowing ultra-conservative hogwash at/around/through you,... and every time you sit down to do anything, it will be time to do what SOMEONE ELSE can't wait to do.
Paradise is a myth, ladies and gentlemen. Where there are relatives, peace and quiet are impossible. Patently impossible.
Having said all that, we went to the Abacos for the weekend and it was very pretty.