Comtemplation
I started this journal out of a need to record my thoughts, and share them with a (seemingly) friendly community. Maybe even to establish some connections within the industry, as although I’ve almost always been treated well in the business, I’ve always felt very much like a stranger in it. I will accept much of the blame for this, as admittedly I was not a big fan of professional wrestling until a few years ago and I did become a bigger star overnight than hundreds of independent wrestlers I’ve met around the world who have had professional wrestling as the sole passion in their lives for many, many years. But these things are truly not my fault, I meant no disrespect by entering the wrestling world through a reality television series, I understand and am very grateful for the opportunity afforded to me by “Tough Enough,” the free training by fabulous superstars, and the exposure on national television, that only a handful of others will ever receive when beginning an endeavor.
Things are very nice here in Tampa, although I still question my motives for moving here. Was it simply to escape my parents and life back in Seattle? As I did move to basically the furthest point away from them without actually leaving the United States. And there was a lot of baggage that went along with living around them, the constant doubt they put into my head about the legitimacy of my career, the pressure to return to college, the constant travel to independent shows.
But, if I truly did move here to make it easier on myself (and cheaper for independent bookers) to get on shows, why is it that I haven’t wrestled in months? I simply allowed myself to sink into a routine of working a mindless job at a department store. Do I even want to wrestle? I think so, at least I hope so. As I don’t know what else there is for me in this life.
I’m well aware of a petition circulating online to get me signed by the WWE. As well as more than a few people suggesting NWA: TNA sign me as part of an attempt to revitalize a legitimate woman’s division. I would like to express my deepest gratitude to all my fans for such actions. And I fear I am letting these possible door opening opportunities fall by the wayside. And more so, I fear that I won’t try a thing to make it otherwise.
Things are very nice here in Tampa, although I still question my motives for moving here. Was it simply to escape my parents and life back in Seattle? As I did move to basically the furthest point away from them without actually leaving the United States. And there was a lot of baggage that went along with living around them, the constant doubt they put into my head about the legitimacy of my career, the pressure to return to college, the constant travel to independent shows.
But, if I truly did move here to make it easier on myself (and cheaper for independent bookers) to get on shows, why is it that I haven’t wrestled in months? I simply allowed myself to sink into a routine of working a mindless job at a department store. Do I even want to wrestle? I think so, at least I hope so. As I don’t know what else there is for me in this life.
I’m well aware of a petition circulating online to get me signed by the WWE. As well as more than a few people suggesting NWA: TNA sign me as part of an attempt to revitalize a legitimate woman’s division. I would like to express my deepest gratitude to all my fans for such actions. And I fear I am letting these possible door opening opportunities fall by the wayside. And more so, I fear that I won’t try a thing to make it otherwise.