Home Part 4
"Wow, Yasu." Maru said. "You're glowing!"
"Eh?" Shota said, touching his face. "What do you mean?"
"I mean you look really happy!"
"You woke up and came down here with that smile and haven't stopped since." Ohkura added.
"And yesterday you wouldn't even come out of your room for anything. We were all worried!"
"What happened last night that made you so happy?"
Shota bit his lip, trying not to smile anymore. He couldn't help but be happy. Maybe they wouldn't understand why such a seemingly simple thing made him so happy, but for Shota, it meant a lot. Though he knew his friends here would always look out for him, it meant so much more being told it, and that someone would be willing to fight for him.
"Oh, look, he's blushing. Must be something scandalous." Yoko laughed, coming downstairs. "What did you do, Yasu?"
"I-It's nothing like that! Really! Really, I'm just happy, is all..."
"Just happy or..."
"Or?"
"Yasu," Maru said, leaning an arm on his shoulder, taking a serious mood. "You can- should!- tell us what your feeling."
"I said this yesterday, but I bet it's true now. You're crushing, aren't you!"
Shota looked at Yoko and blushed. What could he say? He wasn't sure himself if that was true, but could that be why he feels so happy? "Well...I...Maybe so."
"Yasu," Yoko said, suddenly getting serious. "Think about it hard. Think about every other time you felt like this. Do you really think it will be different this time?"
Shota couldn't tell if Yoko was trying to discourage him, or just looking out for him. "I think...I think it's okay this time."
"How many times have we heard that from you?"
"But this time I really think so! It's not the same as before so...I think it's safe to feel this way. Be-Besides, maybe nothing will come out of it anyway...I mean, I don't even know if he..." In his small moment of happiness, Shota forgot about other peoples feelings. Until now he didn't stop to think if Subaru wouldn't feel the same way toward him. He was supposed to get married anyway...Shota looked at the floor, sad, starting to rethink everything.
"Yoko, look what you did! You ruined it!" Maru said, shoving Yoko out of the way. "It's good you've finally been able to say that, Yasu! So what if you don't know if he likes you or not yet? That's half the fun!"
"Fun?" Yoko echoed.
"Yes, fun! Don't give up so easily, Yasu! What's the worst that could happen??"
"I get rejected?" Shota looked up slightly at Maru.
"...Okay! So you get rejected! At least that's better than being lead on and hurt later! Sure it'll sting a little, but it's still better knowing he wouldn't do that to you!"
"Since when did you become such a love expert?" Yoko looked at him, almost confused.
"Eh heh! I've always been!"
"Because anyone would believe that."
Shota left the two behind to talk and left for the shop. He needed time to think all by himself, without other people talking to him or giving him any ideas. He started to worry he might be jumping into things too quickly. Maybe he read too deep into what Subaru had said the night before. It was probably just a nice gesture. And if that's all it was, Shota's getting ahead of himself. Again. But he just couldn't help feeling the way he had just a few minutes ago. He wouldn't think about it, Shota decided. The more he thought about it, the more worried he got, and the tighter his stomach felt.
To make things worse for Shota, it was almost impossible for him to not think about it. And his thoughts kept skipping, from trying to figure out if his feelings were a crush, to if that were so, if he should even consider acting on those feelings, to if it were even possible to have the feelings returned, among other things. Because his mind was constantly elsewhere, he got orders wrong, annoying the customers, and tripped over things while holding the trays of food. And to think, none of this would probably be happening if he never talked to Maru or Yoko that morning!
But because of how clumsy Shota was acting, Hina had to take him off waiting. He couldn't have more customers coming up to him complaining and refusing to pay their bill for the mistakes. He sent him to work in the back and be a bus boy for a while, until he got control of himself.
"'You're doing it wrong.'" Subaru said, standing next to Shota. Shota jumped, dropping the plate into the water, breaking it. He had still been in his own world and didn't even realize other people were around him, no less Subaru. "'There's still food here. We can't use them. Everyone else is doing their job right.' For a guy who was so annoying about getting the plates done right, you're sure sucking at it right now."
Shota stared at him for a minute before taking another plate and starting to clean it. "I know I deserve it," he mumbled, high pitched and nervous. "I was a terrible person and I shouldn't have done that."
Subaru was surprised at the way Shota acted toward that. "Uhm, I was joking? I didn't mean anything by it?"
Shota hadn't even realized he said anything out loud, and dropped another plate trying to hide his embarrassment. "No, ah, I know that! I-I'm just so out of it today..."
"Yasu!" Hina yelled, coming into the kitchen. "I ignored the sound once, thinking it wasn't what I was thinking, but I heard it again! Now you're breaking things in here?"
"I'm sorry! It's not my fault! Blame Yoko and Maru! It's all their faults!"
"Their not even back here! Yasu, we can't afford a new set of plates! Just, go on break! We're closing up for now anyway. Get yourself in gear!" Hina left the back, followed by Ohkura who was eager to leave to get something he would be allowed to eat. Shota sighed, sliding to floor. He didn't know how much more he could take.
"Aren't you going to go?"
"There's no point..." Shota sighed again. "Everyone is already going out with someone else. I don't want to eat alone." Shota sighed once more, feeling exhausted.
"Well, I'm here too, you know? I don't have anyone else to eat with either." Shota looked up at Subaru, forgetting that they actually could go out together. "And besides, I still don't know anything about this town."
"...You're sort of an awkward guy sometimes, aren't you?"
"Eh?"
"That's fine, anyway." Shota stood up, grabbing Subaru's wrist. "If you want to see the town, we better get moving! Break doesn't last forever!"
~*~
"This town isn't as small as I thought it was." Subaru said. They ended up at another small restaurant, after Shota decided if they didn't eat soon, they never would.
"That's 'cause our house is outside the town, and our shop is just on the edge. Really, there's even more if you keep going straight from here! Around here is pretty much a bunch of restaurants and tiny stores, but deeper in there is a big mall and a lot of pretty good, high end shopping. You don't see any of that if you just stay around home." Shota was glad he was able to talk normally now. He thanked Hina in his mind for letting them take the break, because it did help. He was also thankful Subaru was the one to bring up going out somewhere. He didn't feel so worried about things now. "Your town must have been pretty big. I mean, considering."
"I don't know. The only time I really saw my town was going to and from school, and the few times I went to stores when I could. It could have been the biggest city in the country, and I was oblivious."
Shota nodded, not really understanding though how you couldn't know the size of your own home town. But he became curious about other things. Things that maybe, later, he might kick himself for asking later, but he really wanted to know. "Have you ever been in love before?" He knew that Subaru had said he hadn't had any friends, but that doesn't mean a person with out friends can't experience love.
Subaru didn't have to think about his answer. "Never."
"Not even once?"
"No."
"Not even a crush?"
"Nope. Never had any sort of feelings for anyone, and no one had any toward me."
In a way, Shota was relieved. That means there wouldn't be anyone to compare to him. But it quickly dissolved, as he remembered he was getting ahead of himself. "That's sort of unbelievable. To not even once have feelings? Didn't you ever feel happy just being around someone? Getting someones attention didn't make you happy at all? Must be lonely."
Subaru would be lieing if he denied Shota's last questions. At least now, anyway. It wasn't until recently he felt good about having someones attention. Or that because Shota was giving him good attention now, he did feel happy. Because him and Shota were getting along now, he actually liked being around him. And the fact that Shota seems to trust him, even a little bit, now. But until now, Subaru hadn't connected them to any sort of 'feelings,' at least not the ones Shota was talking about. Even if he had experienced them before, he wouldn't have known what to call them. "If you think it's so lonely, I bet you've been in love before."
Shota just shrugged. "I have, but I'm stupid, so nothing good comes out of them."
"Why do you keep saying that? That you're stupid?"
"Because it's true, you know."
"Sure, you're dumb sometimes, but your always calling yourself that."
"Doesn't matter. Ah, look at the time. If we don't get back now, Hina will literally kill us. Let's go!"
Shot down again, Subaru thought. Just leave it like that, and not explain anything. He should be used to it by now, but instead it's just making him want to know even more. Won't Shota just realize he wouldn't ask him about things if he'd just answer once in a while?
~*~
"You don't really seem like a suit guy." Shota said, going through Subaru's bags, taking things out and folding them. It was night, and it had been a while since they were able to just sit around and talk, just they two of them with out the others possibly listening in. "I mean, you look good in them but..."
"Then what do I seem like I'd be in, if you know so much?"
Shota shrugged. "I don't know? Something more casual than this. Ah! We should go shopping! There are some pretty cool stores in town that have about every style possible!"
"Even yours? That's a surprise."
"Hey! You got a problem with my clothes??" Shota pouted, turning toward Subaru.
"Ah, no, not at all. Except for the fact I'm practically blinded by your outfits every time I see you."
Shota shoved Subaru over, trying to keep a straight face. "That's just because I'm that good looking. It has nothing to do with my clothes!"
"Oh, great, now he's delusional." Shota let out a laugh,deciding that was enough. He lied down next to Subaru, leaning his chin on his chest. Even though Shota seemed genuinely happy recently, something bothered Subaru. He wondered what Shota was hiding in him and bottling up. To him, Shota didn't seem like the kind of person that would be able to keep things in like that for a long time before exploding. And for the longest time, he was wondering about Shota's past. It was probably that, more than anything. For one, when Shota asked him about his, Subaru had told him! He didn't keep it as some big secret! Shota was refusing to tell him, along with everyone else. For another, he wanted to know why Shota had gotten so scared about that guy they ran into. He's wanted to ask him directly for the longest time, but because Shota finally seemed happy and they were on really good terms now, he didn't exactly want to revert back to the way things were before. But now, they were alone, and most of the others were out, and he wouldn't be able to leave to go to them. Maybe he won't start out so directly.
"What was your family like?" He asked. Shota tilted his head.
"Eh? Why?"
"I want to know. Were they that bad that you left them or something?"
"No...No, they weren't. They were good to me. They always made sure I was happy and looked out for."
"Then why'd you run away?"
"Run away?"
"That guy we saw, he said you pretty much ran away. Why would you run away from your family if they were that good to you?"
Shota stared at him for a second, like he was thinking of something. Subaru thought he might actually get somewhere with him, but instead Shota sat up and shook his head, turning away. "It's complicated."
"Can't be that complicated if you could explain it to everyone else."
"Well, it is."
"Why won't you say anything about it?!"
"Somethings just don't need to be said!" Shota snapped. "Somethings just don't need to be brought up again! Everyone that matters knows already!"
"So I'm not someone that matters again? Once someone does or says something you don't like they don't matter anymore?!"
Shota wouldn't look at him. He did it again. He let something slip he didn't mean. "Thats not..." He started to say, but he could feel he was being glared at. Inside, Shota actually did wanted to tell him. He wanted to, because he thought he might be able to trust him not to judge him or treat him badly after he knew. But he just couldn't. His mouth wouldn't let the words come out, because just thinking about it hurt him. The others only knew because it had happened again when Shota first came to the house. It wasn't because he said anything.
"I'm...I'm stupid." Shota forced out. "I'm so stupid. I put my trust and my feelings into people, and they just took advantage of me. That guy, he used to be my best friend. And for some reason, I started having feelings for him. After sitting there for so long holding it in, I told him. And I was scared. Our town was small and old, and the parents were old too. No one had open minds about things like that. I regretted telling him right after, but he seemed fine with it. And then, we even got closer. He would do things, things that only someone with the same feelings would do back. I trusted him not to let other people know. The people that mattered, like my parents and him, knew, and no one else needed to.
"But then, one day, people changed toward me. The week before people were nice and friendly, then suddenly were the complete opposite. They would either ignore me completely, or shove me around. Even the people I thought were my closest friends...They would say terrible things. But him, he wouldn't say anything. He would still be near me, stick up for me. I felt so thankful for him. But even that didn't last. It was all just a trick. A cruel, mean trick. Even he said he couldn't stand me anymore. That he thought I was disgusting. Just because I...
"People wouldn't leave me alone with it. No matter what I did or tried to do, it didn't matter. I tried to take what I said back, but I couldn't. Because they all knew it was true anyway. A couple of times, someone I hadn't known before would come up and talk to me, act all nice, like they might just care, and I would think they did. But it always ended the same way! I was so goddamned stupid to actually believe them when I should have known they were just having fun with it. I couldn't trust anyone there! Somehow my parents found out about what was happening, and they tried to step in to stop it. But, you know what? When your in high school and parents come around trying to do things, the opposite happens! Nothing gets better because then everyone thinks you can't do things yourself and have to get your damn parents to fix everything! Things just get worse!
"I had to leave there. There was no way I could live there anymore. If I stayed, I'd probably be dead. That's just how much I couldn't take it. My parents couldn't afford to move, so I just left. I haven't been back home since. Even though everyone would be adults now, moved away, I can't go back. Do you know how long it took to trust everyone here? I was scared to stay here. But I couldn't afford anywhere else, and I didn't want to stay on the street or go back.It was stupid to be like that, because that was wrong. Everyone here is good. But there was once, when Hina let someone else stay here, and like before, everything seemed fine in the beginning, but it still ended the same way everything else did. Even though I ran so far away, it still happened again. He was forced to leave, but that just meant it left a spot for someone else. I made Hina swear he wouldn't do that to me again. And he didn't. Until now. Until they decided for me I needed to move on and stop being afraid of everyone. Do you get it now? Why I didn't want you here so badly?"
Shota still had his back to Subaru. He couldn't look back at him. Even then, he was scared. Even though Shota thought he could really trust Subaru, he'd thought that before. His chest hurt, his stomach hurt. "I want to know I can trust you. I really, really want to. But can I?"
"If I just say it, will you? If I tell you you could trust me, that I won't be like them, would you believe me?"
Shota thought about it. He didn't want to regret anything later. "You've...You've had every chance to be like them. I hope you wouldn't just change that now. I told you everything because I thought I might be able to trust you. So I want to believe you when you say I can."
Subaru didn't know what to say to him. He wondered if a simple 'You can' would really make him believe it. And Shota was right. If he had any intention of hurting him, he would have done it by now. He knew he wouldn't, but no matter what Shota says he'll still remember everything that's happened before and might still be afraid of what could happen later. Because how many people have said that he could and he just easily believed him?
He grabbed onto Shota's arm, having him turn around, and pulled him close. "Will you really believe it? I don't want you to have to wonder about whether it's true or not, even if you say you won't."
"I- I will. Because, because I really want to be able to be with you and be happy. Because I think I really, really..."
Subaru knew what he was going to say. It was written all over his face, and it had been for a while. He pulled Shota closer until their lips met. He hoped that it would convey what he wanted it to. Shota didn't try to pull away, but welcomed it. He wanted it to happen, but didn't want to initiate it himself. Right then, Shota was at his happiest, not wanting it to end.
Nothing much else was said the rest of the night, nothing else really needed to be. Anything they would have had to say was already known, or could wait until morning. Neither of them wanted to ruin anything that night, feeling like they had made it to the one point where both of them are most happy.
~*~
"Don't you think they've been getting closer?" Ohkura mentioned to Maru.
"Now that you say something...I think so. Don't you, Ryo? Their practically like you and Uchi."
"Only their not making out every five minutes." Yoko added.
"Leave us out of this. That is none of your guys' business."
"Even so, isn't it just good that Yasu can even act like that toward someone?" Hina leaned over. "It's been forever."
"Aah, he's all grown up now!" Uchi said cheerfully.
The six sat leaning over the dining table, watching the two in the other room, their conversation going completely unnoticed. Not like they would notice much anyway.
"But don't you think Yasu isn't the only one that changed?" Uchi asked.
"He's right. For Subaru, too. Well, it's been changing a little just because things got used to, but he's gotten a lot less stiff since him and Yasu made friends." Hina said.
"Well, I'm happy for them!" Maru exclaimed. He felt he had a hand in it, trying to encourage Shota in any way he could.
"But you know," Ryo brought up. "I wonder how long it can last."
"What do you mean? You think they wouldn't be able to?"
"No- That's not it. Think about it. That guy was supposed to get married, remember?" The only reason Ryo, or anyone else other than Shota, knew about that fact was because, like Ryo had said, they'd been eavesdropping. But no one's said anything about it before. "Do you really think his people are really just going to say, 'Oh, he ran away, so he must not have wanted it. That's alright.'?"
"I didn't even think of that." Maru slumped back in his chair.
"Exactly. Those two aren't thinking about it either, otherwise I'm sure it wouldn't be happening."
"But it's been how long since he's come here? Nothing's happened yet, so maybe nothing will?"
Ryo shrugged, standing to leave. "Maybe not. We'll just have to wait and see what happens."
"Eh?" Shota said, touching his face. "What do you mean?"
"I mean you look really happy!"
"You woke up and came down here with that smile and haven't stopped since." Ohkura added.
"And yesterday you wouldn't even come out of your room for anything. We were all worried!"
"What happened last night that made you so happy?"
Shota bit his lip, trying not to smile anymore. He couldn't help but be happy. Maybe they wouldn't understand why such a seemingly simple thing made him so happy, but for Shota, it meant a lot. Though he knew his friends here would always look out for him, it meant so much more being told it, and that someone would be willing to fight for him.
"Oh, look, he's blushing. Must be something scandalous." Yoko laughed, coming downstairs. "What did you do, Yasu?"
"I-It's nothing like that! Really! Really, I'm just happy, is all..."
"Just happy or..."
"Or?"
"Yasu," Maru said, leaning an arm on his shoulder, taking a serious mood. "You can- should!- tell us what your feeling."
"I said this yesterday, but I bet it's true now. You're crushing, aren't you!"
Shota looked at Yoko and blushed. What could he say? He wasn't sure himself if that was true, but could that be why he feels so happy? "Well...I...Maybe so."
"Yasu," Yoko said, suddenly getting serious. "Think about it hard. Think about every other time you felt like this. Do you really think it will be different this time?"
Shota couldn't tell if Yoko was trying to discourage him, or just looking out for him. "I think...I think it's okay this time."
"How many times have we heard that from you?"
"But this time I really think so! It's not the same as before so...I think it's safe to feel this way. Be-Besides, maybe nothing will come out of it anyway...I mean, I don't even know if he..." In his small moment of happiness, Shota forgot about other peoples feelings. Until now he didn't stop to think if Subaru wouldn't feel the same way toward him. He was supposed to get married anyway...Shota looked at the floor, sad, starting to rethink everything.
"Yoko, look what you did! You ruined it!" Maru said, shoving Yoko out of the way. "It's good you've finally been able to say that, Yasu! So what if you don't know if he likes you or not yet? That's half the fun!"
"Fun?" Yoko echoed.
"Yes, fun! Don't give up so easily, Yasu! What's the worst that could happen??"
"I get rejected?" Shota looked up slightly at Maru.
"...Okay! So you get rejected! At least that's better than being lead on and hurt later! Sure it'll sting a little, but it's still better knowing he wouldn't do that to you!"
"Since when did you become such a love expert?" Yoko looked at him, almost confused.
"Eh heh! I've always been!"
"Because anyone would believe that."
Shota left the two behind to talk and left for the shop. He needed time to think all by himself, without other people talking to him or giving him any ideas. He started to worry he might be jumping into things too quickly. Maybe he read too deep into what Subaru had said the night before. It was probably just a nice gesture. And if that's all it was, Shota's getting ahead of himself. Again. But he just couldn't help feeling the way he had just a few minutes ago. He wouldn't think about it, Shota decided. The more he thought about it, the more worried he got, and the tighter his stomach felt.
To make things worse for Shota, it was almost impossible for him to not think about it. And his thoughts kept skipping, from trying to figure out if his feelings were a crush, to if that were so, if he should even consider acting on those feelings, to if it were even possible to have the feelings returned, among other things. Because his mind was constantly elsewhere, he got orders wrong, annoying the customers, and tripped over things while holding the trays of food. And to think, none of this would probably be happening if he never talked to Maru or Yoko that morning!
But because of how clumsy Shota was acting, Hina had to take him off waiting. He couldn't have more customers coming up to him complaining and refusing to pay their bill for the mistakes. He sent him to work in the back and be a bus boy for a while, until he got control of himself.
"'You're doing it wrong.'" Subaru said, standing next to Shota. Shota jumped, dropping the plate into the water, breaking it. He had still been in his own world and didn't even realize other people were around him, no less Subaru. "'There's still food here. We can't use them. Everyone else is doing their job right.' For a guy who was so annoying about getting the plates done right, you're sure sucking at it right now."
Shota stared at him for a minute before taking another plate and starting to clean it. "I know I deserve it," he mumbled, high pitched and nervous. "I was a terrible person and I shouldn't have done that."
Subaru was surprised at the way Shota acted toward that. "Uhm, I was joking? I didn't mean anything by it?"
Shota hadn't even realized he said anything out loud, and dropped another plate trying to hide his embarrassment. "No, ah, I know that! I-I'm just so out of it today..."
"Yasu!" Hina yelled, coming into the kitchen. "I ignored the sound once, thinking it wasn't what I was thinking, but I heard it again! Now you're breaking things in here?"
"I'm sorry! It's not my fault! Blame Yoko and Maru! It's all their faults!"
"Their not even back here! Yasu, we can't afford a new set of plates! Just, go on break! We're closing up for now anyway. Get yourself in gear!" Hina left the back, followed by Ohkura who was eager to leave to get something he would be allowed to eat. Shota sighed, sliding to floor. He didn't know how much more he could take.
"Aren't you going to go?"
"There's no point..." Shota sighed again. "Everyone is already going out with someone else. I don't want to eat alone." Shota sighed once more, feeling exhausted.
"Well, I'm here too, you know? I don't have anyone else to eat with either." Shota looked up at Subaru, forgetting that they actually could go out together. "And besides, I still don't know anything about this town."
"...You're sort of an awkward guy sometimes, aren't you?"
"Eh?"
"That's fine, anyway." Shota stood up, grabbing Subaru's wrist. "If you want to see the town, we better get moving! Break doesn't last forever!"
~*~
"This town isn't as small as I thought it was." Subaru said. They ended up at another small restaurant, after Shota decided if they didn't eat soon, they never would.
"That's 'cause our house is outside the town, and our shop is just on the edge. Really, there's even more if you keep going straight from here! Around here is pretty much a bunch of restaurants and tiny stores, but deeper in there is a big mall and a lot of pretty good, high end shopping. You don't see any of that if you just stay around home." Shota was glad he was able to talk normally now. He thanked Hina in his mind for letting them take the break, because it did help. He was also thankful Subaru was the one to bring up going out somewhere. He didn't feel so worried about things now. "Your town must have been pretty big. I mean, considering."
"I don't know. The only time I really saw my town was going to and from school, and the few times I went to stores when I could. It could have been the biggest city in the country, and I was oblivious."
Shota nodded, not really understanding though how you couldn't know the size of your own home town. But he became curious about other things. Things that maybe, later, he might kick himself for asking later, but he really wanted to know. "Have you ever been in love before?" He knew that Subaru had said he hadn't had any friends, but that doesn't mean a person with out friends can't experience love.
Subaru didn't have to think about his answer. "Never."
"Not even once?"
"No."
"Not even a crush?"
"Nope. Never had any sort of feelings for anyone, and no one had any toward me."
In a way, Shota was relieved. That means there wouldn't be anyone to compare to him. But it quickly dissolved, as he remembered he was getting ahead of himself. "That's sort of unbelievable. To not even once have feelings? Didn't you ever feel happy just being around someone? Getting someones attention didn't make you happy at all? Must be lonely."
Subaru would be lieing if he denied Shota's last questions. At least now, anyway. It wasn't until recently he felt good about having someones attention. Or that because Shota was giving him good attention now, he did feel happy. Because him and Shota were getting along now, he actually liked being around him. And the fact that Shota seems to trust him, even a little bit, now. But until now, Subaru hadn't connected them to any sort of 'feelings,' at least not the ones Shota was talking about. Even if he had experienced them before, he wouldn't have known what to call them. "If you think it's so lonely, I bet you've been in love before."
Shota just shrugged. "I have, but I'm stupid, so nothing good comes out of them."
"Why do you keep saying that? That you're stupid?"
"Because it's true, you know."
"Sure, you're dumb sometimes, but your always calling yourself that."
"Doesn't matter. Ah, look at the time. If we don't get back now, Hina will literally kill us. Let's go!"
Shot down again, Subaru thought. Just leave it like that, and not explain anything. He should be used to it by now, but instead it's just making him want to know even more. Won't Shota just realize he wouldn't ask him about things if he'd just answer once in a while?
~*~
"You don't really seem like a suit guy." Shota said, going through Subaru's bags, taking things out and folding them. It was night, and it had been a while since they were able to just sit around and talk, just they two of them with out the others possibly listening in. "I mean, you look good in them but..."
"Then what do I seem like I'd be in, if you know so much?"
Shota shrugged. "I don't know? Something more casual than this. Ah! We should go shopping! There are some pretty cool stores in town that have about every style possible!"
"Even yours? That's a surprise."
"Hey! You got a problem with my clothes??" Shota pouted, turning toward Subaru.
"Ah, no, not at all. Except for the fact I'm practically blinded by your outfits every time I see you."
Shota shoved Subaru over, trying to keep a straight face. "That's just because I'm that good looking. It has nothing to do with my clothes!"
"Oh, great, now he's delusional." Shota let out a laugh,deciding that was enough. He lied down next to Subaru, leaning his chin on his chest. Even though Shota seemed genuinely happy recently, something bothered Subaru. He wondered what Shota was hiding in him and bottling up. To him, Shota didn't seem like the kind of person that would be able to keep things in like that for a long time before exploding. And for the longest time, he was wondering about Shota's past. It was probably that, more than anything. For one, when Shota asked him about his, Subaru had told him! He didn't keep it as some big secret! Shota was refusing to tell him, along with everyone else. For another, he wanted to know why Shota had gotten so scared about that guy they ran into. He's wanted to ask him directly for the longest time, but because Shota finally seemed happy and they were on really good terms now, he didn't exactly want to revert back to the way things were before. But now, they were alone, and most of the others were out, and he wouldn't be able to leave to go to them. Maybe he won't start out so directly.
"What was your family like?" He asked. Shota tilted his head.
"Eh? Why?"
"I want to know. Were they that bad that you left them or something?"
"No...No, they weren't. They were good to me. They always made sure I was happy and looked out for."
"Then why'd you run away?"
"Run away?"
"That guy we saw, he said you pretty much ran away. Why would you run away from your family if they were that good to you?"
Shota stared at him for a second, like he was thinking of something. Subaru thought he might actually get somewhere with him, but instead Shota sat up and shook his head, turning away. "It's complicated."
"Can't be that complicated if you could explain it to everyone else."
"Well, it is."
"Why won't you say anything about it?!"
"Somethings just don't need to be said!" Shota snapped. "Somethings just don't need to be brought up again! Everyone that matters knows already!"
"So I'm not someone that matters again? Once someone does or says something you don't like they don't matter anymore?!"
Shota wouldn't look at him. He did it again. He let something slip he didn't mean. "Thats not..." He started to say, but he could feel he was being glared at. Inside, Shota actually did wanted to tell him. He wanted to, because he thought he might be able to trust him not to judge him or treat him badly after he knew. But he just couldn't. His mouth wouldn't let the words come out, because just thinking about it hurt him. The others only knew because it had happened again when Shota first came to the house. It wasn't because he said anything.
"I'm...I'm stupid." Shota forced out. "I'm so stupid. I put my trust and my feelings into people, and they just took advantage of me. That guy, he used to be my best friend. And for some reason, I started having feelings for him. After sitting there for so long holding it in, I told him. And I was scared. Our town was small and old, and the parents were old too. No one had open minds about things like that. I regretted telling him right after, but he seemed fine with it. And then, we even got closer. He would do things, things that only someone with the same feelings would do back. I trusted him not to let other people know. The people that mattered, like my parents and him, knew, and no one else needed to.
"But then, one day, people changed toward me. The week before people were nice and friendly, then suddenly were the complete opposite. They would either ignore me completely, or shove me around. Even the people I thought were my closest friends...They would say terrible things. But him, he wouldn't say anything. He would still be near me, stick up for me. I felt so thankful for him. But even that didn't last. It was all just a trick. A cruel, mean trick. Even he said he couldn't stand me anymore. That he thought I was disgusting. Just because I...
"People wouldn't leave me alone with it. No matter what I did or tried to do, it didn't matter. I tried to take what I said back, but I couldn't. Because they all knew it was true anyway. A couple of times, someone I hadn't known before would come up and talk to me, act all nice, like they might just care, and I would think they did. But it always ended the same way! I was so goddamned stupid to actually believe them when I should have known they were just having fun with it. I couldn't trust anyone there! Somehow my parents found out about what was happening, and they tried to step in to stop it. But, you know what? When your in high school and parents come around trying to do things, the opposite happens! Nothing gets better because then everyone thinks you can't do things yourself and have to get your damn parents to fix everything! Things just get worse!
"I had to leave there. There was no way I could live there anymore. If I stayed, I'd probably be dead. That's just how much I couldn't take it. My parents couldn't afford to move, so I just left. I haven't been back home since. Even though everyone would be adults now, moved away, I can't go back. Do you know how long it took to trust everyone here? I was scared to stay here. But I couldn't afford anywhere else, and I didn't want to stay on the street or go back.It was stupid to be like that, because that was wrong. Everyone here is good. But there was once, when Hina let someone else stay here, and like before, everything seemed fine in the beginning, but it still ended the same way everything else did. Even though I ran so far away, it still happened again. He was forced to leave, but that just meant it left a spot for someone else. I made Hina swear he wouldn't do that to me again. And he didn't. Until now. Until they decided for me I needed to move on and stop being afraid of everyone. Do you get it now? Why I didn't want you here so badly?"
Shota still had his back to Subaru. He couldn't look back at him. Even then, he was scared. Even though Shota thought he could really trust Subaru, he'd thought that before. His chest hurt, his stomach hurt. "I want to know I can trust you. I really, really want to. But can I?"
"If I just say it, will you? If I tell you you could trust me, that I won't be like them, would you believe me?"
Shota thought about it. He didn't want to regret anything later. "You've...You've had every chance to be like them. I hope you wouldn't just change that now. I told you everything because I thought I might be able to trust you. So I want to believe you when you say I can."
Subaru didn't know what to say to him. He wondered if a simple 'You can' would really make him believe it. And Shota was right. If he had any intention of hurting him, he would have done it by now. He knew he wouldn't, but no matter what Shota says he'll still remember everything that's happened before and might still be afraid of what could happen later. Because how many people have said that he could and he just easily believed him?
He grabbed onto Shota's arm, having him turn around, and pulled him close. "Will you really believe it? I don't want you to have to wonder about whether it's true or not, even if you say you won't."
"I- I will. Because, because I really want to be able to be with you and be happy. Because I think I really, really..."
Subaru knew what he was going to say. It was written all over his face, and it had been for a while. He pulled Shota closer until their lips met. He hoped that it would convey what he wanted it to. Shota didn't try to pull away, but welcomed it. He wanted it to happen, but didn't want to initiate it himself. Right then, Shota was at his happiest, not wanting it to end.
Nothing much else was said the rest of the night, nothing else really needed to be. Anything they would have had to say was already known, or could wait until morning. Neither of them wanted to ruin anything that night, feeling like they had made it to the one point where both of them are most happy.
~*~
"Don't you think they've been getting closer?" Ohkura mentioned to Maru.
"Now that you say something...I think so. Don't you, Ryo? Their practically like you and Uchi."
"Only their not making out every five minutes." Yoko added.
"Leave us out of this. That is none of your guys' business."
"Even so, isn't it just good that Yasu can even act like that toward someone?" Hina leaned over. "It's been forever."
"Aah, he's all grown up now!" Uchi said cheerfully.
The six sat leaning over the dining table, watching the two in the other room, their conversation going completely unnoticed. Not like they would notice much anyway.
"But don't you think Yasu isn't the only one that changed?" Uchi asked.
"He's right. For Subaru, too. Well, it's been changing a little just because things got used to, but he's gotten a lot less stiff since him and Yasu made friends." Hina said.
"Well, I'm happy for them!" Maru exclaimed. He felt he had a hand in it, trying to encourage Shota in any way he could.
"But you know," Ryo brought up. "I wonder how long it can last."
"What do you mean? You think they wouldn't be able to?"
"No- That's not it. Think about it. That guy was supposed to get married, remember?" The only reason Ryo, or anyone else other than Shota, knew about that fact was because, like Ryo had said, they'd been eavesdropping. But no one's said anything about it before. "Do you really think his people are really just going to say, 'Oh, he ran away, so he must not have wanted it. That's alright.'?"
"I didn't even think of that." Maru slumped back in his chair.
"Exactly. Those two aren't thinking about it either, otherwise I'm sure it wouldn't be happening."
"But it's been how long since he's come here? Nothing's happened yet, so maybe nothing will?"
Ryo shrugged, standing to leave. "Maybe not. We'll just have to wait and see what happens."