Sleepless in Tucson
11 months ago, to the day, I left my home in a car that was barely running to take a 2400 mile trip to go rescue a woman that was in a situation she could no longer stay in. At the time I had a place for her to stay and plenty of money to support her for a while as she got back on her feet. We seemed to hit it off pretty quick. Sex was decent and we were in a 'honeymoon' stage, wanting to learn about and please each other. We didn't have a lot in common, some basic principles and a love for gaming were about it. But I fell in love with her and well...love sucks. Her plans when she got here were to get a part-time job, go to school and find out what she wanted. I figured she needed space to sort out her life, so I gave it to her. She's been living an alternative lifestyle so I introduced her to my friends that would understand. Brought her into my family and they accepted her for who she was. Trying to figure out who she was was like pulling teeth. She accepted my marriage proposal and I thought she might open up but she didn't.
So six months go by and she still doesn't have a job, school is a maybe and she has no clue what she wants. I have already started to boil. Every day she spends on the computer. The piles of trash around the computer grow. We don't talk much, mostly because I don't want to yell at her. Working 60 hours a week to pay the bills and getting nowhere. Part of me regrets the whole situation but I love her and want to make sure she is ok.
Out of work, pissed off the boss and finding a new job. After a short while of my pouting, she gets a job. I get another job and boom we both have things we need to do. Three weeks later she says she is leaving to go live with a couple of friends in Indiana to find out what she wants. I let her go. Still love her and want well for her but I aint the right guy I guess. Find out the next day it is another guy she moved in with, a guy who wants her as his sex slave.
Four days later they are doing the nasty. I find out from her that the physical part of our 'relationship' meant nothing to her, I didn't mean much to her and she has what she thinks she needs. Honeymoon all over again.
Problem...she left behind two cats, a dead bank account and some of her stuff. She took the last paycheck she had with her and as I am still behind on everything, I have to move out and find a better job. So Mr. Wonderful brings her back to get the cats(can't ship them in the summer). She gets in the door and her first words are that she can't go back to Indiana with this guy. I figure he hurt her, come to find out that she just still doesn't know what the hell she wants.
So she moves back in. It's an odd time. Almost everyone I know is pissed at her, she left me for another guy. We discuss whether or not we can work things out. Amazingly her old boss for three weeks lets her come back. She makes plans and goes to school. I decide if we are gonna consider this relationship thing I better know if I can hang with the crowd she wants to be a part of. She wants pain and to be a slave. So I call up a local group, we go to a couple meetings when we are not working and I learn a bit. Still love her BTW. Still want her to be safe and happy.
So a couple months go by. Every other day she changes her mind. One day she wants to be with me, the next she doesn't want to have anything to do with anyone and the next she wants other people. I just want to make sure she gets where she wants to be. I want her to finish school and meet friends and enjoy life a bit. Today is one of the days she doesn't want me. So I am awake.
Interesting tidbits. This guy who wants her and had his way with her for a week has an account on this place. She is the only person allowed to read his rantings, saw some of them. He talks about what he wants to do to her, make her do for him and what he will 'reward' her with. Most of her stuff is still in his apartment and it will probably stay there. I have no doubt she will go back there someday. Most of our 500 dollar phone bill was the two of them talking, he spends hours idling on a mush trying to get her alone in his virtual apartment for some 'RP'. Guy kinda scares me.
So she asked me what I wanted if we were to stay together. I told her one thing I wanted was for this other guy to be out of her life. Thought that was a reasonable request. The guy spends seven years 'being there when she needs him' and has an interest in sex with her. Sorry, I don't want anything to do with the guy. Somehow he is compared to my friends by her and she wouldn't ask me to give up friends for her. Sorry again, I aint fuckin' my friends.
But it is all pretty moot. She still spends more time talking to this guy from Indiana than with me. I don't think she planned on 'working this out'. Moreso I think the idea was to make sure it didn't so there was some sort of closure and she could move onto the next failed relationship.
This post is rather one-sided, but hers are as well. I'm the guy who puts forth no effort, has no communication skills, is boring in bed and doesn't let her do anything and my friends and family are a bunch of assholes.
Wish she would remember I am also the man who wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, took her in and took care of her from the day she got here, tried to figure out who she was, tried to make her happy and got crushed. And my friends and family took her in with no questions asked, loved her for who she was and looked forward to getting to know her, but for now, they are rather pissed at what she did and has been doing. They all still wish her the best in life, well other than a couple who would need to see a lot happen before they accepted her again.
She is probably the only one who will read this. Anyone is welcome to comment. I think I am going to go sleep in that chair over there as tonight trying to massage her back which she has been complaining about made her uncomfortable. About the same turnaround time as when she left town, twelve hours from sex to no contact. But I am done going around this emotional ferriswheel. Took her back and it didn't seem to matter what I tried or wanted. It has always been about her. She wants it broke, it's broke. Tomorrow she may change her mind again, who knows. I'm done with it. She does not have the patience for me to explore what I need and every day tells me she does not know what she wants. I'm still here for her while she sorts things out.
So six months go by and she still doesn't have a job, school is a maybe and she has no clue what she wants. I have already started to boil. Every day she spends on the computer. The piles of trash around the computer grow. We don't talk much, mostly because I don't want to yell at her. Working 60 hours a week to pay the bills and getting nowhere. Part of me regrets the whole situation but I love her and want to make sure she is ok.
Out of work, pissed off the boss and finding a new job. After a short while of my pouting, she gets a job. I get another job and boom we both have things we need to do. Three weeks later she says she is leaving to go live with a couple of friends in Indiana to find out what she wants. I let her go. Still love her and want well for her but I aint the right guy I guess. Find out the next day it is another guy she moved in with, a guy who wants her as his sex slave.
Four days later they are doing the nasty. I find out from her that the physical part of our 'relationship' meant nothing to her, I didn't mean much to her and she has what she thinks she needs. Honeymoon all over again.
Problem...she left behind two cats, a dead bank account and some of her stuff. She took the last paycheck she had with her and as I am still behind on everything, I have to move out and find a better job. So Mr. Wonderful brings her back to get the cats(can't ship them in the summer). She gets in the door and her first words are that she can't go back to Indiana with this guy. I figure he hurt her, come to find out that she just still doesn't know what the hell she wants.
So she moves back in. It's an odd time. Almost everyone I know is pissed at her, she left me for another guy. We discuss whether or not we can work things out. Amazingly her old boss for three weeks lets her come back. She makes plans and goes to school. I decide if we are gonna consider this relationship thing I better know if I can hang with the crowd she wants to be a part of. She wants pain and to be a slave. So I call up a local group, we go to a couple meetings when we are not working and I learn a bit. Still love her BTW. Still want her to be safe and happy.
So a couple months go by. Every other day she changes her mind. One day she wants to be with me, the next she doesn't want to have anything to do with anyone and the next she wants other people. I just want to make sure she gets where she wants to be. I want her to finish school and meet friends and enjoy life a bit. Today is one of the days she doesn't want me. So I am awake.
Interesting tidbits. This guy who wants her and had his way with her for a week has an account on this place. She is the only person allowed to read his rantings, saw some of them. He talks about what he wants to do to her, make her do for him and what he will 'reward' her with. Most of her stuff is still in his apartment and it will probably stay there. I have no doubt she will go back there someday. Most of our 500 dollar phone bill was the two of them talking, he spends hours idling on a mush trying to get her alone in his virtual apartment for some 'RP'. Guy kinda scares me.
So she asked me what I wanted if we were to stay together. I told her one thing I wanted was for this other guy to be out of her life. Thought that was a reasonable request. The guy spends seven years 'being there when she needs him' and has an interest in sex with her. Sorry, I don't want anything to do with the guy. Somehow he is compared to my friends by her and she wouldn't ask me to give up friends for her. Sorry again, I aint fuckin' my friends.
But it is all pretty moot. She still spends more time talking to this guy from Indiana than with me. I don't think she planned on 'working this out'. Moreso I think the idea was to make sure it didn't so there was some sort of closure and she could move onto the next failed relationship.
This post is rather one-sided, but hers are as well. I'm the guy who puts forth no effort, has no communication skills, is boring in bed and doesn't let her do anything and my friends and family are a bunch of assholes.
Wish she would remember I am also the man who wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, took her in and took care of her from the day she got here, tried to figure out who she was, tried to make her happy and got crushed. And my friends and family took her in with no questions asked, loved her for who she was and looked forward to getting to know her, but for now, they are rather pissed at what she did and has been doing. They all still wish her the best in life, well other than a couple who would need to see a lot happen before they accepted her again.
She is probably the only one who will read this. Anyone is welcome to comment. I think I am going to go sleep in that chair over there as tonight trying to massage her back which she has been complaining about made her uncomfortable. About the same turnaround time as when she left town, twelve hours from sex to no contact. But I am done going around this emotional ferriswheel. Took her back and it didn't seem to matter what I tried or wanted. It has always been about her. She wants it broke, it's broke. Tomorrow she may change her mind again, who knows. I'm done with it. She does not have the patience for me to explore what I need and every day tells me she does not know what she wants. I'm still here for her while she sorts things out.