RP Log - Guilt Ridden Return
Who: Heero, Relena
When: backdated, shortly after Heero leaves the first aid station
Where: their hut
Rating: G
Warnings: wangst
Notes: None
Summary: Heero comes home to Relena, exhausted, guilty, and depressed.
Heero was exhausted. He was trying not to think about the fact that he had been basically coerced into shooting his best friend yesterday, but it wasn't working very well. He'd even felt guilty leaving Duo behind in the first aid station. He knew it wasn't his fault per se, but he still felt he should have been able to fight off Lelouch. Depressed, he slowly pushed open the door to his hut and stepped inside.
Relena was more than a little anxious. Heero hadn't returned the night before, and she had been told a little about what had happened to Duo, but nothing as to how Heero was. She could not seem to sit still for more than a minute at a time, and was pacing around the hut. Should she go to the first aid station? Or just stay where she was and wait? It was finally taken out of her hands when she heard the door to the hut open while she was just stepping out of her room. She paused in a mixture of hope and uncertainty before she walked quickly to see who it was. She called out hesitantly. "Heero?"
Heero paused just inside the door after closing it behind him. He gave a somewhat noncommital grunt in response to her calling his name. It wasn't even his name, was it? In all truthfulness, it belonged to someone else... someone much better than him, if what the history books said was right. He put his hands in his pockets, keeping his gaze on the floor. It was surprising he was even still upright at this point, considering how tired he felt.
She let out a breath of relief. How strange that a simple sound made her feel better, when coming from him. She did not care that the name she knew him by was his or not, he still answered to it, making it good enough for her. Besides, he wasn't a bad person, he had done what needed to be done, and still did. Her steps slowed when she saw his dejected expression and she frowned in concern. She sighed and came to a stop in front of him before reaching out to touch one of his arms. "What happened, Heero?"
He pulled back slightly from her reach, not meeting her gaze. Something in him just couldn't meet those blue eyes and the expectant look he knew she'd have. He seemed to struggle for a moment, debating if he should tell her, but he came to the realization that she did indeed deserve to know what he knew. "I shot Duo," he said, his voice sounding oddly flat and steady, even to his own ears.
His retreat stung her enough that she retracted her hand, before she made herself think of what he said. He shot Duo? Even that much was more than what she had been told, no one had told her who had shot the braided pilot, but that Heero was involved somehow. She opened her mouth before closing it, thinking better of telling him he couldn't have shot his own best friend, for she knew that was how they thought of eachother. Opting for a simpler question. "Why?"
"I..." He visibly tensed, as if it were possible to be even more so. "I lost control," he said. "I let someone take me over."
"Then it was not you who shot him. You are not to be blamed for something you could not control." Her voice was firm and she looked at him hard, as if she could make him believe that with just her sheer will. She knew it would not be so easy, he was too stubborn for that.
Heero closed his eyes, shaking his head slightly. "I should have been able to fight it."
Relena shook her head as well. "I am sure you did fight it. Heero, you did what you could, I know you did. No one could have done more, and no one can expect more than that."
He almost deflated in front of her. "I could have killed him... and probably would have if Lelouch had told me to..." he said, his voice having gone very soft.
Relena could not just stand there and watch his pain, and she stepped right up to him and wrapped her arms around him in a firm hug. "But you did not kill him." Her voice was just as soft, but no less firm than before.
He stiffened somewhat against her hug at first, but that wall which used to block him from those acts of kindness and support was rapidly crumbling because of Relena and his friends. It struck him as odd at first that she would even try, because he felt he'd betrayed Duo's trust, but the thought was short lived as something that had once been long buried inside him suddenly needed that contact with a vengeance. His initial reaction was short-lived as he found himself leaning into this hug and putting his arms around her in return.
She smiled against his shoulder when she felt his arms around her. She could remember when he shied from physical contact, and it always made her happy when he accepted it.
He took a rather shaky breath. "I hurt him," he said, fighting against what was threatening to become a rather emotional outburst... something he did not want right now.
Relena's arms tightened around him reflexively, reacting to the raw emotion in his voice. "I do not believe he or anyone else that knows what happened, blames you for not being able to completely stop it, Heero."
His breath hitched slightly, and he realized he was fighting another losing battle over his own control. The sheer exhaustion from his fairly tattered emotional state was beginning to show. He just didn't have the willpower to remain stubborn at this point, so he just nodded against her shoulder.
She nuzzled her head against his shoulder before pulling gently away, just enough to tug him away from the door, towards his room. She knew he was probably just too tired to speak much more about it.
Heero opened his eyes as she pulled away from him, letting her lead him away from the door. At this point, he would have let her take him anywhere.
Relena smiled softly at him when she saw his eyes open and continued to guide him to his room before hugging him again. "Rest, Heero. We can talk more later."
He nodded silently, leaning slightly into the hug for a moment as one last attempt to draw on that strength she always seemed to give him, and then stepped into his room. He sat heavily on the bed, not sure if he was going to get that rest just yet, but he knew he desperately needed to try.
She watched him quietly for a moment. "Is there..anything I can get for you?"
He debated that, staring off at the floor for a moment, then shook his head. He reached down and pulled off his shoes. "I'm just going to try and get some rest," he said quietly.
She nodded. "Ok. Will you call me if you want anything?"
He nodded.
Relena smiled and quietly closed the door. She walked back to her room, but left the door open.
Heero pulled off his shirt and then quietly laid down, hoping to eventually fall asleep.
She fiddled about a little before finally deciding to read.
When: backdated, shortly after Heero leaves the first aid station
Where: their hut
Rating: G
Warnings: wangst
Notes: None
Summary: Heero comes home to Relena, exhausted, guilty, and depressed.
Heero was exhausted. He was trying not to think about the fact that he had been basically coerced into shooting his best friend yesterday, but it wasn't working very well. He'd even felt guilty leaving Duo behind in the first aid station. He knew it wasn't his fault per se, but he still felt he should have been able to fight off Lelouch. Depressed, he slowly pushed open the door to his hut and stepped inside.
Relena was more than a little anxious. Heero hadn't returned the night before, and she had been told a little about what had happened to Duo, but nothing as to how Heero was. She could not seem to sit still for more than a minute at a time, and was pacing around the hut. Should she go to the first aid station? Or just stay where she was and wait? It was finally taken out of her hands when she heard the door to the hut open while she was just stepping out of her room. She paused in a mixture of hope and uncertainty before she walked quickly to see who it was. She called out hesitantly. "Heero?"
Heero paused just inside the door after closing it behind him. He gave a somewhat noncommital grunt in response to her calling his name. It wasn't even his name, was it? In all truthfulness, it belonged to someone else... someone much better than him, if what the history books said was right. He put his hands in his pockets, keeping his gaze on the floor. It was surprising he was even still upright at this point, considering how tired he felt.
She let out a breath of relief. How strange that a simple sound made her feel better, when coming from him. She did not care that the name she knew him by was his or not, he still answered to it, making it good enough for her. Besides, he wasn't a bad person, he had done what needed to be done, and still did. Her steps slowed when she saw his dejected expression and she frowned in concern. She sighed and came to a stop in front of him before reaching out to touch one of his arms. "What happened, Heero?"
He pulled back slightly from her reach, not meeting her gaze. Something in him just couldn't meet those blue eyes and the expectant look he knew she'd have. He seemed to struggle for a moment, debating if he should tell her, but he came to the realization that she did indeed deserve to know what he knew. "I shot Duo," he said, his voice sounding oddly flat and steady, even to his own ears.
His retreat stung her enough that she retracted her hand, before she made herself think of what he said. He shot Duo? Even that much was more than what she had been told, no one had told her who had shot the braided pilot, but that Heero was involved somehow. She opened her mouth before closing it, thinking better of telling him he couldn't have shot his own best friend, for she knew that was how they thought of eachother. Opting for a simpler question. "Why?"
"I..." He visibly tensed, as if it were possible to be even more so. "I lost control," he said. "I let someone take me over."
"Then it was not you who shot him. You are not to be blamed for something you could not control." Her voice was firm and she looked at him hard, as if she could make him believe that with just her sheer will. She knew it would not be so easy, he was too stubborn for that.
Heero closed his eyes, shaking his head slightly. "I should have been able to fight it."
Relena shook her head as well. "I am sure you did fight it. Heero, you did what you could, I know you did. No one could have done more, and no one can expect more than that."
He almost deflated in front of her. "I could have killed him... and probably would have if Lelouch had told me to..." he said, his voice having gone very soft.
Relena could not just stand there and watch his pain, and she stepped right up to him and wrapped her arms around him in a firm hug. "But you did not kill him." Her voice was just as soft, but no less firm than before.
He stiffened somewhat against her hug at first, but that wall which used to block him from those acts of kindness and support was rapidly crumbling because of Relena and his friends. It struck him as odd at first that she would even try, because he felt he'd betrayed Duo's trust, but the thought was short lived as something that had once been long buried inside him suddenly needed that contact with a vengeance. His initial reaction was short-lived as he found himself leaning into this hug and putting his arms around her in return.
She smiled against his shoulder when she felt his arms around her. She could remember when he shied from physical contact, and it always made her happy when he accepted it.
He took a rather shaky breath. "I hurt him," he said, fighting against what was threatening to become a rather emotional outburst... something he did not want right now.
Relena's arms tightened around him reflexively, reacting to the raw emotion in his voice. "I do not believe he or anyone else that knows what happened, blames you for not being able to completely stop it, Heero."
His breath hitched slightly, and he realized he was fighting another losing battle over his own control. The sheer exhaustion from his fairly tattered emotional state was beginning to show. He just didn't have the willpower to remain stubborn at this point, so he just nodded against her shoulder.
She nuzzled her head against his shoulder before pulling gently away, just enough to tug him away from the door, towards his room. She knew he was probably just too tired to speak much more about it.
Heero opened his eyes as she pulled away from him, letting her lead him away from the door. At this point, he would have let her take him anywhere.
Relena smiled softly at him when she saw his eyes open and continued to guide him to his room before hugging him again. "Rest, Heero. We can talk more later."
He nodded silently, leaning slightly into the hug for a moment as one last attempt to draw on that strength she always seemed to give him, and then stepped into his room. He sat heavily on the bed, not sure if he was going to get that rest just yet, but he knew he desperately needed to try.
She watched him quietly for a moment. "Is there..anything I can get for you?"
He debated that, staring off at the floor for a moment, then shook his head. He reached down and pulled off his shoes. "I'm just going to try and get some rest," he said quietly.
She nodded. "Ok. Will you call me if you want anything?"
He nodded.
Relena smiled and quietly closed the door. She walked back to her room, but left the door open.
Heero pulled off his shirt and then quietly laid down, hoping to eventually fall asleep.
She fiddled about a little before finally deciding to read.