everything is getting heavier...
I feel like I've been carrying around a huge weight lately. While there isn't one major thing that is bothering me, I do believe this is just the culmination of many smaller issues all banding together to make me miserable. The huge weight on my chest has been present for the last few days but I feel like today it is making everything impossible. Every movement, every thought, every single action feels like it is taking all my energy. I really shouldn't be at work today. Nothing productive is going to happen today. I can't summon enough energy to be productive.
The money issue is probably the biggest stress right now. Besides the fact that my loan people are major jerks who don't seem willing to work with me at all, I'm also angry at myself for not being as "money smart" as I would like to be.
My half marathon is about 17 days away and to say that I'm scared is putting it lightly. The faster it approaches the more unprepared I feel. I know that 90% of the game is mental but that still doesn't make it easier. There are so many people who are expecting me to do this and that adds to the pressure. Giving up is not an option but right now it feels like the only option.
I'm hosting another dinner party tomorrow night. Plus I'm making a treat to take to work on Friday for "Office Snack Day". Since my last dinner party actually turned out fairly successful I shouldn't be as worried about this one. Except that I am. It just fits in with the theme of the week I suppose. Nothing that I'm making is especially fancy or very hard for that matter but I still feel like it is an opportunity for failure. Maybe that's why I get such a high after everyone leaves. Because I didn't fail I can finally enjoy it after the fact. If this is true then I live such a sad, sad life. Not even being able to enjoy things until they have passed.
This entry has taken almost an hour to write. Between the pauses I took to roam the halls because I couldn't sit still anymore and the breaks I took to stare out the window and wish I was elsewhere, I still haven't found much solace. So I guess I'll get back to work. At least it's almost lunch time.
The money issue is probably the biggest stress right now. Besides the fact that my loan people are major jerks who don't seem willing to work with me at all, I'm also angry at myself for not being as "money smart" as I would like to be.
My half marathon is about 17 days away and to say that I'm scared is putting it lightly. The faster it approaches the more unprepared I feel. I know that 90% of the game is mental but that still doesn't make it easier. There are so many people who are expecting me to do this and that adds to the pressure. Giving up is not an option but right now it feels like the only option.
I'm hosting another dinner party tomorrow night. Plus I'm making a treat to take to work on Friday for "Office Snack Day". Since my last dinner party actually turned out fairly successful I shouldn't be as worried about this one. Except that I am. It just fits in with the theme of the week I suppose. Nothing that I'm making is especially fancy or very hard for that matter but I still feel like it is an opportunity for failure. Maybe that's why I get such a high after everyone leaves. Because I didn't fail I can finally enjoy it after the fact. If this is true then I live such a sad, sad life. Not even being able to enjoy things until they have passed.
This entry has taken almost an hour to write. Between the pauses I took to roam the halls because I couldn't sit still anymore and the breaks I took to stare out the window and wish I was elsewhere, I still haven't found much solace. So I guess I'll get back to work. At least it's almost lunch time.