Custody

[tchrrachel]

Jason and I have been talking for weeks about who we want to have custody of Samantha in the unlikely event that neither of us is around to take care of her. The deliberation is agonizing. While some people can be easily eliminated, there is a small pool of contenders that is extremely difficult to wade through. You realize very quickly that NO ONE is going to care for your child like you do. So what, then, is most important? Someone your child is already very familiar with? Someone who is financially secure? Someone who shares your core values? Someone who is responsible? And you realize that the things that matter now are not necessarily the things that will be most important five or ten years down the road. Right now, Samantha needs someone who will sing to her, rock her to sleep, and give her lots of hugs and kisses. Later, she will need someone to read to her and help with her homework. Further down the road, she'll need someone to guide her as she navigates through high school and finds the right fit with college or a career.

I am trying NOT to use my head to make this decision. I know that sounds bizarre, but it's true. This is not a time for pro/con lists. This has to be a "heart" decision. I hope the people closest to me realize it's not a competition. The person who is ultimately named as Sam's guardian will not be the person I like BEST. It won't be the person who had the highest score on a checklist I put together. It won't necessarily be the kindest person or the wealthiest person or the most likely person. It will be the person who feels most "right" -- even if no one else understands why.