(no subject)
things are ok with andy & me.
im glad.
i still feel really drained though.
im considering of taking andy up on his offer of doing those things/seeing if i can go to a doctor.
my mom talked to me today. she was really worried about me. i told her what things are like right now, & she seemed to actually listen for once. she suggested that maybe i should see a doctor too. after i shot down her suggestions that im going through exactly what she went through. she surprised me with her understanding for once. i told her that sometimes things get so hard that i cant function, & thats why some of my schoolwork has unneccessarily suffered. she knows that times have been hard, & she doesnt want me to ever have to go through this again, so i think shes finally ready to try & help me. i know that i have potential. my friends tell me this, my parents, my brother. i know that im intelligent enough, just sometimes everything good can get overshadowed by my thoughts. its not normal. i can only deal with it to a certain extent. i want to stop this. i dont want to deal with this anymore. i want to be happy. i want to be normal. i dont want to ruin my future. if going to a doctor will help, then so be it. i wont be ashamed. all i want to do is forget this & move on. i want to be able to appreciate the beauty in life without any inhibitions.
well... i hope that i get to see andy tonight.
im gonna go now. i really do feel ill/mentally exhausted.
this has been too much today.