Day 22/90 - two days off...
The last two days were fraught with failure. There was no working out... at all. I fell into a depression of sorts which as of today, I'm blaming on hormones. I think it was just my three days of the month where I start feeling down on myself for being a failure at life. I have two degrees and yet can't seem to work at the same place for two years in a row. I believe myself to be at least of moderate intelligence and yet can not control my weight, my eating or my other compulsive behaviors. Even when in the very moment I'm doing the compulsive behavior and screaming at myself in my head to STOP, asking myself, WHY are you DOING this? I still continue to do exactly the thing that bothers me. People with severe OCD, I feel you. I'm not as bad as you but I completely understand. I did, however, work out today. It was a fight with myself to get up off my own ass and just do it. Is that what Nike tried to teach me with all those commercials? DO. IT. Pushed myself a little harder than normal during the cardio because I was feeling guilty about not working out the previous two days and by the time I got to sit ups I had some serious muscle aches. I do feel better about myself. See... yes I have problems but at least I'm not wasting away, I'm doing something about them.
Friday I weighed myself. Going on the recommendation of friends and loved ones, I'm no longer weighing myself daily... though I really really want to. 201 lbs even. I haven't taken a picture of myself in a while. I should do that as well. Thing was, I would weight and then photograph, so now that I've removed the one I'm having difficulty with the other. Plus, there has been ZERO physical change since I started this. People can say they 'see' a difference, but maybe it is in the way I carry myself, because the scientific, photographic evidence points to the fact that when adjusted for everything... I haven't changed shape at all. Measurements are the same now as they were then. Arms, thighs, belly, butt and boobs. No change. That 7 lbs I've lost must be mostly water then? Internal? I'm drinking ~64 oz of water a day, so I should have all that much water loss. Man I've never been so hydrated.
I also started the diet and have been doing OK. I try to only eat one bad thing out of my cupboard a day. I plan on doing this until it is all gone. I realize the Adkins doesn't work if you 'cheat' but the thing is... money is sort of tight and I'm not about to throw out half my food because it isn't on my new diet. I'm just not eating it all the time. I figure at this rate, I'll be done with my 'bad stuff' in another two or three weeks. Of course, I'm counting this week, in which I am not home because I'm visiting family for the holidays. I did have a serious fail and bought a Snicker's Bar when I was at work one of the nights I was feeling depressed and also... did not work out that day. Bad x 2. Back on the horse, with just two days missed. My sister told me when we get there Monday night she'll do the work out with me the whole week I'm visiting. That should be fun.
Friday I weighed myself. Going on the recommendation of friends and loved ones, I'm no longer weighing myself daily... though I really really want to. 201 lbs even. I haven't taken a picture of myself in a while. I should do that as well. Thing was, I would weight and then photograph, so now that I've removed the one I'm having difficulty with the other. Plus, there has been ZERO physical change since I started this. People can say they 'see' a difference, but maybe it is in the way I carry myself, because the scientific, photographic evidence points to the fact that when adjusted for everything... I haven't changed shape at all. Measurements are the same now as they were then. Arms, thighs, belly, butt and boobs. No change. That 7 lbs I've lost must be mostly water then? Internal? I'm drinking ~64 oz of water a day, so I should have all that much water loss. Man I've never been so hydrated.
I also started the diet and have been doing OK. I try to only eat one bad thing out of my cupboard a day. I plan on doing this until it is all gone. I realize the Adkins doesn't work if you 'cheat' but the thing is... money is sort of tight and I'm not about to throw out half my food because it isn't on my new diet. I'm just not eating it all the time. I figure at this rate, I'll be done with my 'bad stuff' in another two or three weeks. Of course, I'm counting this week, in which I am not home because I'm visiting family for the holidays. I did have a serious fail and bought a Snicker's Bar when I was at work one of the nights I was feeling depressed and also... did not work out that day. Bad x 2. Back on the horse, with just two days missed. My sister told me when we get there Monday night she'll do the work out with me the whole week I'm visiting. That should be fun.