Emotionally Detached, I Am
I read all these articles and books about how women need to make men aware of their dating standards. That way women are up front about what they want/need and men are presented with a choice: is this woman worth the price she is asking of me? or not. If not, then at least the woman isn't surprised weeks to months later when she finds that he never had an intention of...[whatever].
This brings us to a dicussion of investments. If she is up front about her standards, then he can be up front about his intentions. Months later when they split up, she realizes that she put her time and energy into their relationship when he, all along, knew he wasn't ready for a long-term relationship. He had no intention of a serious relationship and if she had just asked, she would have gotten that answer.
If intentions were not stated at the beginning of the relationship, at what point does she decide that her investment in this man is not worth the wait for him to grow up? If she invests in their friendship hoping that it'll be eventually more than such, when does she realize that it won't? Is it when he says, 'I don't want a relationship right now'? Or how about when he says, 'I don't think I want kids'? Or HOW about, 'I was looking for a house over the summer but now I realize that I still need to save money for it and I'm not ready to be a homeowner anyway?'
You could say that she realized it all along, before he even said these things. But she could fool herself into settling, convincing herself that in this situation this second-best friendship is acceptable since she can't have the first-choice serious romantic relationship. Why? Why does she start to settle? She doesn't settle for anything else in her life; why this?
This brings us to a dicussion of investments. If she is up front about her standards, then he can be up front about his intentions. Months later when they split up, she realizes that she put her time and energy into their relationship when he, all along, knew he wasn't ready for a long-term relationship. He had no intention of a serious relationship and if she had just asked, she would have gotten that answer.
If intentions were not stated at the beginning of the relationship, at what point does she decide that her investment in this man is not worth the wait for him to grow up? If she invests in their friendship hoping that it'll be eventually more than such, when does she realize that it won't? Is it when he says, 'I don't want a relationship right now'? Or how about when he says, 'I don't think I want kids'? Or HOW about, 'I was looking for a house over the summer but now I realize that I still need to save money for it and I'm not ready to be a homeowner anyway?'
You could say that she realized it all along, before he even said these things. But she could fool herself into settling, convincing herself that in this situation this second-best friendship is acceptable since she can't have the first-choice serious romantic relationship. Why? Why does she start to settle? She doesn't settle for anything else in her life; why this?