(no subject)
I had a dream last night about kerri, where I met up with her in an honor's break room at my old highschool that never existed in real life. I noticed her after seeing a painting on a table (that looks sort of like the ones at books a million ) that was covered in other peoples pieces. The work by her was of our friend matt perry and was in charcoal. When we saw one another we just stared until her mouth dropped and a moment later she said "Justin?!." I moved to my right (although she was to my left of the desk in front of me (she had been sitting down drawing on the floor). She had less makeup on than normal, but it was her... maybe the makeup was to show that she had matured. she was wearing a black t-shirt and I think, her rings that she wore (one on each finger)I don't know. Anyway, I asked how she was, and I explained that i was a business major now and so on. I don't remember talking at all about what she was up to... though I gathered that she was still dating arthur. It seems that part of our conversation took place around the higschool (where i had also seen Mr. Carlson, my old english teacher, but didn't say anything much to him), including the theater facilities/auditorium. Some parts of the conversation seemed to take place at a mall. At one point she mentioned that she was planning to do some freelance artwork for businesses that needed "their dragons painted" and i guess that also implied that dragon wings were what she was working on when we first met up, earlier in the dream. From what I could gather, she was still dating Arthur, but I wasn't upset by that. I don't recall what, besides major, I might have said to her about my current situation, but I do remember a "shot" if you will, in this dream of her boyfriend standing with his hair tied back, and much shorter than when we knew each other (about the shoulder lenght I have mine at now). And thats mostly what I remember. But I thought I should write this down since I never remember dreams. But this dream was... invigorating. Perhaps simply beacuse it is the closest I have come to speaking to a person who had been ... well, one of the people that I had been closest to in my entire life. Maybe its true that we are bound to some people in the universe. And although she and I ended saddly, it both sent us off in our current directions, having learned the lessons of our love and loss. I don't know. But I feel alright right now. Not wistful really, or sad, or angry. But just... comfortable. For the first time since she and I parted, I have had an experience where ... one who treated me poorly at the end , had a name and a face and a voice again. She's still a real person, despite her existence in my head being made up mostly of memories seen through rose or blood colored glasses.
A real person. One who is out there in the world. right now. Someone who is not simply a faded memory.
I also am experiencing a strange level of comfort with msyelf and the decisions that I have made thus far since our parting. Its been a rocky road, but from the dream, I also embued with a strange sense of self respect. As if my triumphs and acomplishments from the past 3 years were highlighted, and where I've come to, and where I have yet to go are all that matters, and that now its up to me to see that they do.
A real person. One who is out there in the world. right now. Someone who is not simply a faded memory.
I also am experiencing a strange level of comfort with msyelf and the decisions that I have made thus far since our parting. Its been a rocky road, but from the dream, I also embued with a strange sense of self respect. As if my triumphs and acomplishments from the past 3 years were highlighted, and where I've come to, and where I have yet to go are all that matters, and that now its up to me to see that they do.