The Only Hope For Me Is You
Fandom: My Chemical Romance
Pairing: Frerard
Chapter: Disenchanted - 2/?
Rating: PG?
Story summary: Gerard has loved Frank since he was twenty four years old and it's tearing him apart...
Warnings: Contains slash! Obviously.
Disclaimer: Obviously this never happened. But hopefully it still might.
November, 2001
I was lying in the long, soft grass out back of the Eyeball Records studio, smoking and quietly thinking; thinking about how amazing the last few weeks of my life had been. No one had expected us to get a record deal so quickly! It almost seemed too good to be true... I thought I had zero talent, but I must’ve been doing something right! I was so fucking psyched to finally be doing something with my life.
My eyes were shut and I was in a comfortable, dream-like state, halfway to sleep but not quite there yet; or I was until Mikey turned up. Of course it was Mikey, it had to be Mikey, I’d know that voice anywhere; I had known him all his life.
“Oh, Gee, there you are!” He cried excitedly as he approached me, nudging me slightly with the toe of his battered converse “I’ve been looking for you! Have you met Frank yet?”
“No.” I replied leisurely, taking a long drag on my cigarette, not bothering to open my eyes.
“Oh,” Mikey said, continuing despite my obvious lack of interest. “Yeah, I didn’t think so. So I brought him to meet you.” I could tell he was smiling, even with my eyes shut, I knew he’d have that stupid little grin plastered to his face, just from his tone of voice; we knew each other so well.
“Oh?” I smirked, opening one of my eyes to look up at Mikey standing by my feet. The bright sun temporarily blinded me but once my eyes had gotten used to it I could see that, sure enough, Mikey was grinning like a complete maniac. I could see another figure hovering behind him, but the sun was too bright for me to make out any distinct features, well, that and I couldn’t be fucked to lift my head. I shut my eye again.
“Get up, Gerard.” Mikey sighed, but I could hear he was holding back laughter. He nudged me with his foot again and, when I opened my eyes - both of them this time - he offered his hand to help me. I knew he wasn’t going to give up, he never did, so I grabbed his hand tightly and, placing my cigarette between my lips, hauled myself up. Looking down at my jeans I noticed they were covered in grass and quickly dusted them off.
Mikey was still stood directly in front of me, and he poked me hard in the arm to obtain my attention - this was an annoying habit of his, one which he knew I hated yet still he insisted on doing. Dick. - I glared angrily up at him. “Don’t. Poke. Me.” I growled; it only caused him to smile all the more.
“Gee,” Mikey beamed happily, “This, is Frank.” He moved slightly to my right, out of my line of vision, and I was confronted with the most stunning sight I had ever seen.
In front of me stood a boy, no more than twenty years old and about a foot shorter than me. I immediately understood why Mikey had insisted on introducing him to me; this boy was definitely the most attractive person I had ever set eyes upon in my life.
The boy - Frank - had gorgeous, sparkling hazel eyes, which stared nervously at me through the thick brown fringe hanging in front of his beautiful face. The rest of his hair was short, and spiked up at the back in a punky sort of way; it suited him and, despite the fact his features were very innocent - child-like, almost - I thought the punk style made him look really badass. His skin was pale, and completely flawless with the exception of one small scar in between his (perfectly shaped) eyebrows; he had a ring to the left of his beautifully formed lips and one, also, on the right side of his nose; above the collar of his black button up shirt - on which many badges had been pinned - I could make out the beginnings of a tattoo. It looked like a scorpion, though, without seeing the whole thing, I couldn’t be sure. The rest of his outfit was much in keeping with the punk style; grey, ripped up jeans with black converse - almost as battered as Mikey’s - a pink and black striped tie and black fingerless gloves; he really did look incredible.
Frank caught my eye and, blushing slightly, raised his eyebrows in a questioning sort of way as if to say ‘What? Do I have something on my face?’. It was only then that I realised I had been staring at him and hadn’t yet said anything; my mouth was open slightly and my cigarette was hanging loosely from it - I must have looked like a total freak. Tearing my gaze away from Frank, I promptly shut my mouth and threw the cigarette to the floor.
“Err... H-hi” I stuttered, my confidence drained unexpectedly, I was slightly lost for words at the sight of Frank. “I'm Gerard.”
Frank smiled slightly - 'oh, how fucking cute!'- nodding at me, “I know.”
‘Of course he knows, you idiot! Mikey brought him here to meet you! Damn, really great first impression you’re making here...’
There were a few minutes of silence while we both tried to think of something to say; Frank scuffed his trainers on the floor and ran his fingers through his hair, glancing up at me every so often. I just stood there, not knowing what to do with myself. All of a sudden I felt extremely self conscious - ‘What should I do with my arms? Fold them? Keep them at my sides? What do normal people do with their arms?! Should I put my hands in my pockets? Nah, my jeans are too tight for that - Wait, are my clothes too tight?! Do they make me look extra-fat?! I wish Mikey had warned me beforehand that he was gonna bring an extremely good-looking boy to see me, I could have at least tried to make myself look presentable...’
Still neither of us had spoken... Everything was very awkward. I wanted to say something to Frank so bad, but I didn’t want to risk making a fool of myself! Mikey just stood there, grinning like the moron he is, waiting for one of us to say something.
Eventually Frank broke the silence, “Err, so, Mikey... I’d better be going, man - got practice in five! Gerard... It was nice to meet you. I’ll see you round, I guess.” He smiled at me and I couldn’t do anything but nod dumbly as he walked away.
***
After that first meeting I saw Frank around Eyeball Records a lot, it made me wonder how I failed to notice him before - he was always about! I saw him practising with his band, I ran into him tuning his guitar in one of the back rooms, I found him sitting on the bench outside the studio, writing... How had a missed this stunning boy before?! Our first meeting had been really awkward but I managed to talk to him on a couple of occasions after it and we found out we had quite a bit in common; from favourite bands to favourite comic books and movies. Every time I saw Frank, even if it was just passing him in the corridor, it sent tingles down my spine and my heart starting beating at a ridiculously fast pace. And I swear every time I saw him he grew more and more beautiful...
***
One day - a few weeks after Frank and I first met - Mikey sat down next to me on the couch in the studio, lit a cigarette and said casually “So you know that dude, Frank, I introduced you to?”
My heart skipped a beat at the mere mention of his name. “Uhh-hmm.” I mumbled, trying not to seem too eager.
“Have you talked to him at all since?”
“Wha’? Since ‘the meeting’?” I asked stupidly. I referred to it as ‘the meeting’ in my head because it was probably the most significant meeting - no, scratch that! - the most important moment of my life so far (in my opinion). I mean, I did plan to marry the guy! (No matter how little I knew about him at this particular moment in time.)
Mikey rolled his eyes and nodded “Yeah, since ‘the meeting’” He replied mockingly, taking a drag on his cigarette and blowing smoke in my face.
I scowled, but nodded and said “Mhm, we’ve spoke a coupla times...”
“And d’you like him?” Mikey smiled, placing his cigarette carefully on the side of the ashtray and turning his whole body to face me.
“Fuck yeah, dude! He’s awesome!” I answered, a little too enthusiastically, making Mikey giggle like a girl - well, to be honest that was how he laughed normally, but whatever...
“Cool,” He grinned, “Well, that’s good! I'm sure he’ll be glad he made such a... positive first impression.” I knew what Mikey was getting at; we both knew I was gay and Mikey knew exactly the type of guys I was into - that’s why he brought Frank to meet me, I wasn’t stupid! But to be honest I didn’t mind, he wasn’t the worst baby brother I could have, I s’pose he was kinda sweet. And I did like Frank... Mikey knew me too well.
“So, yeah,” Mikey continued, picking up his cigarette again and placing it between his lips, “y’know Frank’s band - Pencey Prep?” He inhaled and once again blew the smoke back out in my face, “They just split, and Frank’s looking for a new band...”
My heart leapt “What? Really? What does he play?”
“Guitar,” Mikey smirked, “and he also does backing vocals... Oh, and God, can that boy scream.” He winked at me, and stubbed his cigarette out in the ash tray, standing up suddenly.
I copied him, “Have you asked the guys what they think about this?” I questioned, “I don’t want to upset Ray...”
“Don’t worry, man! Ray’s fine with it - him and Frank have gotten on really well since I introduced them! You know what guitarists are like; it’s only been a couple of months but you’d think they’d known eachother their whole lives! And Matt probably wouldn’t notice if we got a fucking monkey in to play rhythm guitar, he’s so fucking self-absorbed...”
For a moment I felt a slight pang of jealousy that not only Mikey, but Ray also had known Frank longer than I had, but I ignored this and instead asked Mikey “Have you asked him yet?”
Mikey smiled kindly and reached into his pocket. Handing me a slip of paper, he said “I thought you might like the pleasure of doing that - you are the frontman, after all.” He checked his watch before adding, “Anyway, I gotta go; meeting Geoff for coffee in five! I’ll see you round, bro!” He beamed, hurrying from the room.
I looked down at the paper he had handed me. On it, written in Mikey’s untidy scrawl, was an address; underneath the address were the words
‘Ask for Frank Iero - good luck, bro! X’
_______________________________________________________________________
“Gerard! Gerard! GERARD! Wake the fuck up!”
I slowly opened my eyes and looked around. I was lying on Mikey’s bed. His bass now stood in the corner, leant up against his poster-covered wall.
“I can’t believe you fucking passed out! What the fuck is wrong with you, man?" Mikey shouted, once again pacing back and forth "When was the last time you ate-”
“What happened to you, Mikey?” I interrupted sadly, sitting up and swinging my legs off the bed. “You never used be like this - so full of anger! You never used to mind that I liked Frank..." He stopped pacing and clenched his fists, daring me to continue, I did. "Fuck, Mikey! You were the one who introduced me to him! You used to be so compassionate; so supportive! You used to tell me ‘don’t worry Gee, he’ll realise he likes you back someday and then you’ll be able to be together and everyone will be happy.’ You used to be the kindest, most caring, selfless person I knew!” I was on the verge of tears again now, but I didn’t care anymore, “What happened to you, Mikey?" I repeated "It’s like you’re a different person all together! What the fuck happened to my little brother?!”
Mikey looked at me, his eyes full of hurt and anger “You wanna know what happened?” He spat, and I flinched at the venom in his voice, “You wanna know what happened?! I grew up and stopped living in your fucking dream-world, Gerard!” And with that he stormed out the room, slamming the door loudly behind him.