Ah life...

Oct 01, 2004 19:16

I really don't understand myself sometimes (most times). I don't want to be me anymore. Sometimes I really hate myself and I don't understand why. I wish I could just strike everything and start over, become a totally different person. I'm losing my drive for everything. The only thing that I really get excited about is school and music as nerdy as that sounds. Its a place where I can just do my own thing and push myself so I don't have to deal with other things. Its where I can be me without having to worry about everything I do and who is there watching, judging me. Its where I don't have to worry about trying to make everyone else happy. I think I just try too hard. Its also where I can be with other people who understand what I'm going through. I feel like my life is becoming obsolete to a lot of people including myself. I'm sick of feeling like a tag-a-long with my own friends. I probably had a lot to do with that because I'm not around all that much, but it would be somewhat reassuring to know that someone still thought about me once in a while. It would be nice if people wanted to hang out with me rather than had to hang out with me. Seriously, what's the fucking point anymore!!!
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