Day 16 - The Heart Wants

[tbffj]

Title: The Heart Wants
Author: turtlebaby_02
Fandom: White Collar
Written For: mmom 2014
Characters (Pairings): Neal/Peter (suggested)
Rating: R
Word Count: 310
Warnings: Unbeta'd
Disclaimer: Nope, not mine. I'm just playing.
Summary: It's hard to tell yourself no, when the heart wants what it wants
Author's Note: Neal and non-specific? Who needs names or detailed descriptions? Use your imagination and go ahead and fill in your choice of slash pairings in your head, that's what mmom's all about, eh?  Also, as of right now: I am officially caught up! Hooray!



He rolled over on his side, images of his partner flicking through his mind with a shamefully well practiced ease. This wasn't  a new experience for him - after 3 years, he was well versed in what mental images would get him off fastest and which to use when it was his heart, not his cock, that was controlling the speed of his strokes.

After three years it was damn hard to deny it, even to himself, that the other man meant far more to him than he should. That this wasn't just a physical attraction like it should be. That he was a little in love with a man he could barely call his friend anymore.

So sometimes he stopped trying to deny it and let that little thing like love play a part in his fantasies and let the familiar name roll off his lips. Sometimes he carried out conversations in his head as he teased his cock to full hardness and faked confessions of love echoed back to him as he came..

He always felt a little silly after. Sometimes he had a hard time meeting the other man's eyes the next day, sure his guilt was written all over his face. Sure that at some point between the car ride there and the "see you tomorrow" wave as they parted ways, he'd accidentally confess or confuse a fantasy with reality and the entirety of his make believe sex life would come crashing down, awkwardly, around them both. Each time, he'd vowed it would be the last time.

But, he'd been promising the same thing since the anklet first bound them. And if he couldn't break the habit before it even started; back when he was just another face, how did he expect to break it now, with love in his heart?

He knew he was doomed.