Confused.....
For some reason i have been really depressed lately... I have been at that point where i feel like curling up in a ball and just never coming out... Im not even sure why i have been depressed... My whole life is just soo fucked up...My mom is in bed for the next 2 weeks... i have been shifting groups a lot lately... EVERY SINGLE class i have will be changed as of tomorrow... I just feel like my senior year is turning out to be shit... I have lost touch with some really good friends and im kinda pissed and i dont know how to approach it... And with some other friends i feel really out of place...and than others i guess its going well. I have so much shit i have to do and im just not motivated to do any of it... And to top it all of a kinda ex of mine calls me at 2 30 in the morning last night...than they text me 20 min later asking if i wanted to come over.. I didnt get the message till morning...but i dont know what i would have done if i would have gotten it..its so hard to sneak out now because my mom's room is right by the driveway and she always has the window open and i have to start the car...and it just doesnt work.... I just dont really know what to do with myself... As all my friends know...im ALWAYS happy...I dont know what to do when im sad... Mabey its all my happiness equaling itself out and maby im just supposed to be depressed for a while...I thought i had been hiding it pretty well lately...Than my mom calls me into her room to help her with something and she asks me if im depressed....of course i dont want her to know anything so i just put on a smile and tell her no like shes crazy...her asking me really caught me off guard... I feel really guilty and really selfish for feeling this way... I made this cd that i could listen to when im depressed and it says "the tears roll down my cheek" on the front of it and i had it in my car. I think it was Dani who saw it and she said it made her sad.. I kinda apoligized for it and put it away. I dont like making people sad..and if me being sad makes people sad it makes me feel really selfish.. I really just dont like sharing my sorrows... and this is a way for me not to tell people directly and make it awkward for them... my ventilation system.