ok so . . .
I was talkin' on the cellphone . . . just kidding. anyways, I almost posted a post last night that had all this same stuff in it but I accidentally hit the back button and everything was erased. It took me a long time to write what I'm about to write, so here's to hoping I don't screw it up again.
Ok, there's this guy that I really really want. He's on my profile, in blue and white. It's pretty damn clear and you can't miss it. anyways, he's got amazing dark brown eyes, just to give you a hint. so anyways, there's another guy I want but his girlfriend is a good friend of mine so I don't think I'll be hooking up with him because I don't want to make things awkward between me and my good gal pal.
I want so much, that I hate myself for it. I've always hated myself. Ever since second grade, I've hated myself. I want to go early. . . like leave this world early and shit. ugh! I know, I'm suicidal, and I don't think that will ever change.
so, I got this message from a friend of mine telling me a bunch of stuff. It kind of opened my eyes wider and it had a huge impact, but it just made me hate even more. I don't depend on people. . . do I? I didn't depend on her . . . didn't depend on anyone . . . it's weird. I've changed so much but some people don't think I've changed and they think I'm the same from when I was in high school. I'm not, but in some ways I am.
I still have a lot of hatred. I hate myself. I can't stop saying that. I'm falling for someone on My Space but I can't tell him that. Plus I don't even know him. This guy and I just send messages back and forth in our inboxes and he makes me feel so good. I don't know. . .
I was watching that Dancing With the Stars last night and that show sucks! the judges really suck up to the stars and it's disgusting. I hated it and I never want to watch it again. I hope I never watch it again!
I want that Punk Goes 80s album really bad but I can't afford it right now. I'm waiting for ebay to come out with a copy that only costs one cent and then I'll pounce on it. other than I can't really have it. I also want the new Warped Tour 2005 compilation cd and the Punk-O-Rama 10 cd. I did order them but I can't get them until I send in a money order and then I'll be guarenteed to get them. But I really want that Punk Goes 80s album. I was listening to its medley and the songs are so good! so are the bands! I added all the bands to my friends list.
Speaking of, I'm addicted to myspace. I can't stop going through friends' friends and adding all these people. I want to get rid of some pages before adding more, but I can't. I'm on here every second of the day adding more and more people. I have a little over 900 friends right now. It's so depressing. I don't know what to do. I'm so addicted this thing so I'm trying to get on this thing less and less because I don't want to ditch my offline friends for myspace.
I'm just really depressed. I don't understand why, but part of it is because of the stupid birth control pills I'm on. They really suck! I mean they're helping me not get cancer in some lining of my vagina but they make me so vulnerable and depressed. I'm also taking the anti depressants and stuff but the birth control pills make me want to stop taking the anti depressants. Birth control pills are almost the devil. They're helping me not get cancer, but mentally, I'm in hell. They make me feel like Satan. UGH! I'm so sick! I hate it! anyways, so that's why my display name is "My Days Are Numbered." Then every hour of the day I want to change it to "My Hours Are Numbered" but I may really scare people. I need to get out.
I'm tired of waiting for the night that there's a dinner and a movie with my friends at the Baptist Student Union. I need to get out. Maybe even Justin's wedding will make me happy, although I want to marry Justin. anyways, I should go. I'm kinda tired.
Later!
Ok, there's this guy that I really really want. He's on my profile, in blue and white. It's pretty damn clear and you can't miss it. anyways, he's got amazing dark brown eyes, just to give you a hint. so anyways, there's another guy I want but his girlfriend is a good friend of mine so I don't think I'll be hooking up with him because I don't want to make things awkward between me and my good gal pal.
I want so much, that I hate myself for it. I've always hated myself. Ever since second grade, I've hated myself. I want to go early. . . like leave this world early and shit. ugh! I know, I'm suicidal, and I don't think that will ever change.
so, I got this message from a friend of mine telling me a bunch of stuff. It kind of opened my eyes wider and it had a huge impact, but it just made me hate even more. I don't depend on people. . . do I? I didn't depend on her . . . didn't depend on anyone . . . it's weird. I've changed so much but some people don't think I've changed and they think I'm the same from when I was in high school. I'm not, but in some ways I am.
I still have a lot of hatred. I hate myself. I can't stop saying that. I'm falling for someone on My Space but I can't tell him that. Plus I don't even know him. This guy and I just send messages back and forth in our inboxes and he makes me feel so good. I don't know. . .
I was watching that Dancing With the Stars last night and that show sucks! the judges really suck up to the stars and it's disgusting. I hated it and I never want to watch it again. I hope I never watch it again!
I want that Punk Goes 80s album really bad but I can't afford it right now. I'm waiting for ebay to come out with a copy that only costs one cent and then I'll pounce on it. other than I can't really have it. I also want the new Warped Tour 2005 compilation cd and the Punk-O-Rama 10 cd. I did order them but I can't get them until I send in a money order and then I'll be guarenteed to get them. But I really want that Punk Goes 80s album. I was listening to its medley and the songs are so good! so are the bands! I added all the bands to my friends list.
Speaking of, I'm addicted to myspace. I can't stop going through friends' friends and adding all these people. I want to get rid of some pages before adding more, but I can't. I'm on here every second of the day adding more and more people. I have a little over 900 friends right now. It's so depressing. I don't know what to do. I'm so addicted this thing so I'm trying to get on this thing less and less because I don't want to ditch my offline friends for myspace.
I'm just really depressed. I don't understand why, but part of it is because of the stupid birth control pills I'm on. They really suck! I mean they're helping me not get cancer in some lining of my vagina but they make me so vulnerable and depressed. I'm also taking the anti depressants and stuff but the birth control pills make me want to stop taking the anti depressants. Birth control pills are almost the devil. They're helping me not get cancer, but mentally, I'm in hell. They make me feel like Satan. UGH! I'm so sick! I hate it! anyways, so that's why my display name is "My Days Are Numbered." Then every hour of the day I want to change it to "My Hours Are Numbered" but I may really scare people. I need to get out.
I'm tired of waiting for the night that there's a dinner and a movie with my friends at the Baptist Student Union. I need to get out. Maybe even Justin's wedding will make me happy, although I want to marry Justin. anyways, I should go. I'm kinda tired.
Later!