Fallen again but not giving up and back up again I hope
Well well welll, its me again, and fallen. You know you think your happy well it only happens to me for a short period of time. I have been happy for over a month now and people know why. Because Jennifer is out of my life that is one, two I have became closer to god well trying anyways and three I have suzy in my life. This is how I felt about Jennifer and Im going to tell you how I feel about suzy lets comapre shall we, we might be here for awhile.
Jennifer: Sweet, loving, will go the distance, but its tooo dependent on a guy. Shes nice in a way till you make her mad, even about smallest things and will hold a grudge, well depends on who you are. Well our reltionship. Very good for the first half till I went to Florida. I was so committed to her, that I said no to many girls and didnt take any chances. I wanted to be with her, didnt like everything about her but liked most things. I put up with stuff I didnt like, places where we went that I didnt want to go and gave up my life. Thats right I came beck to Michigan in December for HER! Not for a major, comeon people it was just an excuse, you think that was what I wanted to do and not be an Air Traffic Controller anymore or pilot!! Thats been my dream since I was 5. The reltionship offically ended Valentines day to me, when I said no to something certain thats when arguing began thats when I should of got out of it. I cried everyday, suffered everyday, and depressed everyday, I was whipped like a dog on a chain, I had spikes going through my neck like I couldnt go anywhere because I was afriad to get hurt!! You think you change your journal layout from ohh anton this and anton that till something dark and depressive but nothing is wrong? Bullshit am I dumb!! Am I someone with no common sense? Well you know what Jen, go back to sociology class, there is no ultimate truth, there is no common sense and there is nothing really wrong with anyone, its your environment you grew up in, its your parnets and your peers that control you to smoke, or drink or whatever you may think is "cool". Well thats not my version of cool because of my environment, you can use your big long words if you want or try to prove me wrong, thats fine but for real what is right? Its what you believe is right because you were socializaed like that. I loved you so much, but after that night I lost feelings for you, it was so easy to get over you because I lost love, I lost the affection, I lost trust, I lost you!! Im glad you moved on because I found out your not my type and I was worth nothing but crap to you, because if I was really meant something, then someone would of kept all the pictures, all the love notes, just everything, and would of gave the ring back, but you know what thats fine, enjoy your new "adam" who ever he may be. The old Jen is gone never will find her never will want to. I thought I loved you but I didnt and this is why. Lets see what else could I say, when did you ask your mum or dad how they were doing while you were florida? Not once it was always your dog. You cared more about animals then human beings. Its good to care about animals but dang. Lets see get mad about the smallest little things, the way you dress, the way you did your hair, the comments I made that might of offended you? I was afraid to talk. I was afriad to act like my goofy self. I couldnt show you anything but the depressed me, the me that went off on you and thats not me. You can sit their with your ideologies on society and what people think of you but know, not everyone makes assumtions on just you while you walk in the mall, people make assumptions about everyone. If you got a certain look at the mall you would be taking it out of proportaion. It was kind of crazy at times. I could say sooo much more I really could but why should I? Where would it get me? No where, to everyone else its just bitching and complaining and whining and crying. Oh and another thing Im stronger than I have been because Suzy made me strong she has actually treated me with a lot of respect and glad that I could respect a girl. Good Luck in your life hope you have a great one.
Suzy: Talked to her for a month, fell for her within 2 weeks. Felt so great and this is why, this is what I want in a girl and she has everything I am naming, this is actually my list.
Nice, sweet, caring, affectionate, arabic/indian/maltese, christian, wants kids, loves me for who I am, doesnt judge me, trustworthy, accepts my goals, loves me no matter what, always there for me, lets me keep in contact with my friends, understands me, doesnt give me guilt trips, says sorry even when shes not in the wrong, doesnt judge how I talk, accpets people for making mistakes, admitts that I can be wrong, wants to be with me, goes out of their way to be with me, does their goals, is smart, cares about family, cares about friends and soo much more.
I am in love with suzy, told her that tonight when she broke it off with me because well Im not explaining it on here, I went to wyandotte for two hours by the river crying, and just felt soo crappy, she felt bad we talked all night, she wants me, she wants everything for me, but doesnt know what to do. I dont know what to do, I do and im not giving up, because I dont give up, I try my hardest and want to prove to her I am the best thats out there. I want to show her everything I want to just have a future with her, yes its to soon to say that but I never even felt this strong this soon not even with Jen! She gives me more freedom she just is so understanding and everything. Comments are needed here on what to do and fast. I need to impress her somehow. I thought I found myself but I cant its so hard because all these other girls have affected me and how I am today, I am stronger and less emotional yes, but still not strong enough. Take care everyone and wish me luck,
P.S. Today was better, I studied with Suzy and poured my heart out to her pretty much we are now dating and she is giving me a chance. Im glad, I know how she feels about me and maybe this will turn into something really great.
The one and only,
Anton
Jennifer: Sweet, loving, will go the distance, but its tooo dependent on a guy. Shes nice in a way till you make her mad, even about smallest things and will hold a grudge, well depends on who you are. Well our reltionship. Very good for the first half till I went to Florida. I was so committed to her, that I said no to many girls and didnt take any chances. I wanted to be with her, didnt like everything about her but liked most things. I put up with stuff I didnt like, places where we went that I didnt want to go and gave up my life. Thats right I came beck to Michigan in December for HER! Not for a major, comeon people it was just an excuse, you think that was what I wanted to do and not be an Air Traffic Controller anymore or pilot!! Thats been my dream since I was 5. The reltionship offically ended Valentines day to me, when I said no to something certain thats when arguing began thats when I should of got out of it. I cried everyday, suffered everyday, and depressed everyday, I was whipped like a dog on a chain, I had spikes going through my neck like I couldnt go anywhere because I was afriad to get hurt!! You think you change your journal layout from ohh anton this and anton that till something dark and depressive but nothing is wrong? Bullshit am I dumb!! Am I someone with no common sense? Well you know what Jen, go back to sociology class, there is no ultimate truth, there is no common sense and there is nothing really wrong with anyone, its your environment you grew up in, its your parnets and your peers that control you to smoke, or drink or whatever you may think is "cool". Well thats not my version of cool because of my environment, you can use your big long words if you want or try to prove me wrong, thats fine but for real what is right? Its what you believe is right because you were socializaed like that. I loved you so much, but after that night I lost feelings for you, it was so easy to get over you because I lost love, I lost the affection, I lost trust, I lost you!! Im glad you moved on because I found out your not my type and I was worth nothing but crap to you, because if I was really meant something, then someone would of kept all the pictures, all the love notes, just everything, and would of gave the ring back, but you know what thats fine, enjoy your new "adam" who ever he may be. The old Jen is gone never will find her never will want to. I thought I loved you but I didnt and this is why. Lets see what else could I say, when did you ask your mum or dad how they were doing while you were florida? Not once it was always your dog. You cared more about animals then human beings. Its good to care about animals but dang. Lets see get mad about the smallest little things, the way you dress, the way you did your hair, the comments I made that might of offended you? I was afraid to talk. I was afriad to act like my goofy self. I couldnt show you anything but the depressed me, the me that went off on you and thats not me. You can sit their with your ideologies on society and what people think of you but know, not everyone makes assumtions on just you while you walk in the mall, people make assumptions about everyone. If you got a certain look at the mall you would be taking it out of proportaion. It was kind of crazy at times. I could say sooo much more I really could but why should I? Where would it get me? No where, to everyone else its just bitching and complaining and whining and crying. Oh and another thing Im stronger than I have been because Suzy made me strong she has actually treated me with a lot of respect and glad that I could respect a girl. Good Luck in your life hope you have a great one.
Suzy: Talked to her for a month, fell for her within 2 weeks. Felt so great and this is why, this is what I want in a girl and she has everything I am naming, this is actually my list.
Nice, sweet, caring, affectionate, arabic/indian/maltese, christian, wants kids, loves me for who I am, doesnt judge me, trustworthy, accepts my goals, loves me no matter what, always there for me, lets me keep in contact with my friends, understands me, doesnt give me guilt trips, says sorry even when shes not in the wrong, doesnt judge how I talk, accpets people for making mistakes, admitts that I can be wrong, wants to be with me, goes out of their way to be with me, does their goals, is smart, cares about family, cares about friends and soo much more.
I am in love with suzy, told her that tonight when she broke it off with me because well Im not explaining it on here, I went to wyandotte for two hours by the river crying, and just felt soo crappy, she felt bad we talked all night, she wants me, she wants everything for me, but doesnt know what to do. I dont know what to do, I do and im not giving up, because I dont give up, I try my hardest and want to prove to her I am the best thats out there. I want to show her everything I want to just have a future with her, yes its to soon to say that but I never even felt this strong this soon not even with Jen! She gives me more freedom she just is so understanding and everything. Comments are needed here on what to do and fast. I need to impress her somehow. I thought I found myself but I cant its so hard because all these other girls have affected me and how I am today, I am stronger and less emotional yes, but still not strong enough. Take care everyone and wish me luck,
P.S. Today was better, I studied with Suzy and poured my heart out to her pretty much we are now dating and she is giving me a chance. Im glad, I know how she feels about me and maybe this will turn into something really great.
The one and only,
Anton