May 27, 2007 23:25
This is my story that I wrote for the OC Fiction Challenge, it wasn't the most well written piece out there but I have heard some good things and some bad things, so I am going to post what I originally wrote and then rewrite it into a chapter story that elaborates everything that happened in between that was missing in the story. So please enjoy this, or better yet, wait for the longer better written one.
Golden Confessions
Taylor sipped her coffee as she walked to her next class, the cold air was nipping at her nose and turning it a bright pink color as she walked. She pulled at the scarf around her neck as she dodged students running, biking and skateboarding to class. The trees were bare as she walked through the campus of Berkeley, she smiled as she came upon Le Conte Hall for her physics class. She was well into the second semester of her second year at Berkeley and still she felt as if something was missing from it all.
She had graduated from Harbor, valedictorian of her class, and with friends even. Her proudest moment being the summer vacation she took with the fab 4 that had now including her making it the fab 5, road tripping to all the weird and quirky landmarks of America.
Marissa had decided to stay back from her summer with her father and spend it with her sister and mom. Things with Ryan were a spur of the time thing, the summer being together and yet not breaking her heart. Starting at Berkeley with him and Taylor had been fun and Ryan and her eventually hooked up again to agree once again to stay friends. Luke she had even reacquainted with and dated once again now that he had changed. Life seemed to be flowing well for her, but a piece of her was missing to, and she wondered, if it had to do with Ryan.
Ryan, Marissa and Taylor, had a rough time saying goodbye to Seth and Summer as they headed their way over to Rhode Island. Seth deciding to just move over and live in an apartment with Summer and work while he waited for his semester to kick start at RISD. Their relationship was strong and going well for them, and they tried to see Marissa, Ryan and Taylor as often as possible along with the everyday phone calls. The separation of the core 4 and now fab 5 showing no rifts. Luke had even become a part of the Berkeley gang.
Newport left open doors for everyone during holidays and breaks, Kirstin and Sandy missing their children but allowing them the opportunity to grow, with an attempt not to call everyday. Julie and Neil ended up getting married at the beginning of August and returning in time from their honeymoon to help their children move into new schools and new lives away from home.
Kaitlyn had laughed at the tears that were streaming at that last dinner with everyone before they shipped off to college, but when the morning came, a tear actually fell as she said goodbye to the 5 people who had become staples in her mischief and entertainment on a daily basis. Even if joining them on their summer road trip was nothing more than lame in her opinion, she wouldn’t have traded it for the world.
It was now two years later and everyone was beyond settled in their new lives, but for Taylor there seemed to be something missing and Marissa wasn’t sure what she was feeling anymore.
Taylor smiled and let her empty feeling disappeared as she chucked her coffee cup into the trashcan and entered into her physics class. Taking a seat next to Ryan her smile brightened ten fold as he moved his stuff out of the way for her. They had gotten used to this routine the year before when their majors seemed to intertwine with one another, and since they figured that out their first semester, they had chosen to sign up together for what ever classes they both needed. Marissa and Luke had even joined them in their basic classes and they had become a new core four. Ryan and Luke had decided to be roommates again after their first year together and stayed at the Foothill Dorms right next to Marissa and Taylor’s single dorms in Stern hall.
Their lives at Berkeley had settled well and now all Taylor had to worry about was clearing up that empty feeling. As the class closed up for the day, Ryan and Taylor walked out and headed to their dorms together discussing their upcoming project and when they should meet up to finish it together. The banter changed back and forth from school, to parties, to Seth and Summer, as they entered upon Stern where Luke and Marissa were sitting on a bench in the cold waiting for them. Ryan and Taylor dropped off their books in Taylor’s room as they headed to the cafeteria for a late lunch with Marissa and Luke.
The conversation had leaned toward the Golden Bear Ball that was coming up in a week. The girls were gushing over shopping for dresses on the weekend but the date situation had not been settled, and the girls were hoping to rely on Luke and Ryan if nobody else asked them to the dance, but neither were going to admit it. For Luke and Ryan, this was an eye rolling conversation that they weren’t interested in, and they figured if they were needed as white knights for the girls their suits were ready, or else they would stay in and play video games, saving each 100 bucks for the tickets.
After lunch Marissa and Luke went their separate ways as Taylor and Ryan headed into her dorm to continue studying and working on their project, Taylor’s room being the prime place since it was a single. Ryan watched as Taylor took off the layers of clothing that kept her warm in the early February weather, and for the first time noticed her figure as she stripped down to her sweater set and shorts. Ryan starred at her legs in the white Bermuda shorts and laughed as he saw her take a seat on the floor next to him.
“That’s what you wore under all of those layers?” Ryan chuckled.
“What? You have to be fashionable even if nobody sees it under all the winter wear.”
“Taylor you are definitely a newpsie in training.”
“Hey! I take offense to that!”, Taylor replied with a playful slap to Ryan’s arms.
“Who wears shorts in February? Especially if you are only going to hide them under a pair of snow pants?”
“I like to be fashionable, even if it’s only in my dorm okay?”
Ryan just shook his head and laughed, “Sure Taylor, that would explain why it’s so hot in here, did you have to bring the Newport heat with you geez.”
Ryan then took off his layers of clothing, stripping down to his jeans and Berkeley t-shirt. Taylor couldn’t help but glance at his abs as his shirt rode up as he removed his hoodie, Ryan definitely was working out in his spare time.
Trying to keep her hormones under control Taylor moved onto the subject of weather, “Don’t you think it’s weird to be getting this much snow Ryan? I mean last year, we only got dusting on the hills, this year, we actually have snow on campus.”
Shrugging his shoulders as he opened his book, “I don’t really know, rain is a rare occurance in Newport, snow is like foreign in my opinion even if it is Berkeley.”
The small conversation didn’t last very long as they moved onto their homework and began building their physics tower. The talk did eventually move to Marissa and Luke though.
“So what is going on with Luke and Marissa, they seem to be spending a lot of time together lately, and I don’t mean studying.” Taylor asked as she glued the wooden piece onto the tower.
“I don’t know really. Luke hasn’t said anything. But I don’t really ask either, I just figure he will tell me one day soon, why?”
“I just noticed it you know, they are together a lot and stuff.”
“I guess.” Ryan’s tone had gone lower with his response.
“Does it bother you Ryan? That they might be something more than friends”, Taylor asked cautiously.
“I don’t know, but I don’t think so, it’s been over a year since Marissa and I broke up”, Ryan responded holding the tower in place for Taylor.
Taylor stopped what she was doing and looked up into the deep pools of Ryan’s eyes, “Are you still in love with her Ryan?”
Ryan’s stopped holding the tower and pondered the question as he furrowed his eyebrows. “I don’t know.”
“Oh”, Taylor didn’t know how to respond to his answer and it confused her why she suddenly lost all capabilities of forming sentences.
An awkward silence overtook the room, and Ryan took it as a cue to check his watch, “Hey, I am going to go put my stuff back in my dorm and head to dinner”, he then started to gather his stuff together and pull on his snow cloths.
“Okay, we can finish this tomorrow; I’ll see you in class Ryan.”
Ryan turned back confused, “You aren’t coming with me to dinner?”
“Um no, I am not that hungry, go on ahead, I have a French test tomorrow to study for, have fun.”
Ryan gave her a questioning look as he opened the door but shrugged it off because simply it was Taylor. “Bye Taylor”, and with that he shut the door and headed to his dorm.
“Bye Ryan”, Taylor whispered to herself as the door clicked shut.
Taylor watched as the tower fell over on her desk and she simply just sat there and stared at it. Her eyes fell over the framed picture on the desk of the past Christmas in Newport. Luke had even come home to see his brothers and mom and everyone looked so happy to be together. It was of everyone around the pool or in it. Summer upon Seth’s shoulders, Marissa upon Luke, Kaitlin upon Brad, and Taylor upon Ryan’s in an all out brawl at chicken champion. The smiles glowed brighter than the California sun.
Taylor missed moments like that and she was starting to miss the feeling of being that close to Ryan. She knew deep down she liked him, she had always liked him. She remembered the first day he walked into Harbor with Seth. She remembered everyone giving him dirty looks, and unwelcoming glances. She remembered wanting to reach out to him, but never doing so because of her mom, because of Marissa, because she was Taylor Townsend. She remembered being jealous of Marissa when they were together, and upset with her when they broke up. She hated the way Marissa strung him along and the way he went back to her over and over. Taylor hated the way he went after her, and saved her, and sometimes, she just wished he would come and save her from her mom. Taylor thought that if she got rid of Marissa her senior year, maybe Ryan would notice her, but he didn’t and once again things back fired. She had always wished for him to come to her, but nothing was ever going to happen because Ryan had Marissa, and Taylor was always going to be the great friend, the perfect lab partner, the great buddy. She would never be Marissa, because she was so much more, and she cared about him so much more, but he would never know, because she was Taylor, and he was Ryan and he had Marissa.
Taylor let a tear slip from her eye as she let the feelings run over her. She had always known deep down she like Ryan, loved him almost. But she also knew that she would rather live in denial for the rest of her life than loose his friendship by being forward the way she almost lost Seth. Their friendship and partnership was perfect and even if she couldn’t have Ryan as a lover, she would be okay, as long as he was her friend forever.
She pushed the frame down so that the photo was parallel with the desk and she wouldn’t have to look at it, she then did the same thing to all the pictures of him in the room. Closing her eyes, she curled up into a ball in her bed and breathed deep breaths to try and relieve the pain that was coursing through her. She wouldn’t cry, not for Ryan, not when he wasn’t in love with her, not when she loved him.
Taylor fell to sleep that night curled in her bed and ended up sleeping into the next morning. Waking up early, she decided to take a run before breakfast. Throwing on her workout cloths she headed out of the dorm and ran around the Berkeley campus. Her i-pod blared the latest mix from Seth as she ran through campus on the cold winter morning. Many other students were just rising and some were even running like herself but to classes and not just because. She ran back to her dorm and grabbed a shower before heading to class. Her run had gone on longer than expected and she was now running late, and for her, not being ten minutes early meant she was late. Grabbing her stuff and opting for another sweater set and jeans, she booked it out of her dorm room throwing on her winter coat as she exited the dorm. Scurrying across the campus, she was surprised to see Ryan standing outside of their calculus class with two cups of coffee.
Ryan handed her the coffee with a smile, “I saw you running this morning and figured you were probably going to miss breakfast. Oh and I brought bagels too.” Ryan then pulled out a paper bag from his backpack.
Taylor beamed at the thought, “Thank you Ryan, you are so thoughtful.” And on impulse she kissed him quickly on the lips.
Pulling away, Taylor looked at the ground, “Oh my god, I am so sorry, I don’t know what happened”. Then she suddenly just entered the classroom, not waiting for a response from Ryan, or especially a rejection.
Ryan looked around stunned for a second at what had just happened. He wasn’t sure what he was suppose to say, or do , or even how to react. Then she had just run into class, so he followed a few minutes later. The class started immediately after Ryan entered, leaving no moment empty for him to talk to Taylor and 2 hours later when the class ended she packed up and left in a hurry. Ryan knew she was avoiding him but thought for sure he would be able to catch her in their later classes.
However, Taylor continued her silent charade the rest of the day, ignoring Ryan and finding any way to not be around him. Luke and Marissa had finally noticed her absence at dinner when they were sitting in the dining hall.
“Hey, where is Taylor? I haven’t seen her all day.” Marissa asked as she sipped her soda.
“Yeah, it’s been eerie quiet all day, is she sick or something?” Luke asked through bites of his pizza.
“I don’t know, she didn’t eat yesterday either, maybe she is.” Ryan lied.
“Aww, I better bring her some soup or something. Remind me to get some before we leave guys.” Marissa stated.
“Sure.” Ryan answered half paying attention.
Their dinner continued with a withdrawn Ryan trying to process what happened earlier in the morning and self indulgent Luke and Marissa discussing the Ball a week away.
Taylor was hiding out in her dorm room, just finished ordering a pizza on the phone and was working on the tower she ruined earlier when she threw her books on her desk in anger at herself. She had let all the emotions of the night before seep out into the open when she saw Ryan and she kissed him. Even if it was only for a second, she had still done it. And she loved it. She loved the feeling of his lips and the electricity that flowed through her, but she didn’t love the look of confusion on Ryan’s face afterwards.
Taylor had avoided everyone and was now glad that it was Friday and she had the weekend to herself. Taylor had decided that she was going to go home for the weekend and see her mom, she bought her ticket, was leaving in the morning and was probably going to pick up her dress down in Newport. She had even called Marissa and left a message that she wasn’t going to be able to go shopping with her the following day. Really, Taylor knew she was running, but she couldn’t help it, and since Monday was a day off from school, she was going to take advantage of all the Ryan avoiding time possible.
Marissa didn’t remember the soup until she said goodbye to the boys, headed back into her dorm and checked her voicemail. She was surprised to get the message from Taylor and mad at herself for forgetting the soup. She was starting to suck as a friend. Checking her clock, she wondered if Taylor was still awake and decided to go check even though it was a little after midnight. Walking over, she noticed through the crack under the door that it was dark in her room, and the door was locked, so Marissa didn’t bother to wake her. She figured Taylor would explain the next day.
Taylor left the next morning before the sun rose and was crawling into her bed in the Townsend house for another few hours of sleep by eight in the morning. She knew her mom was in Cabo for the weekend from the email she received about her mom’s where bout’s and not to call. Taylor milked the time in the empty house with the maids and just relaxed that Saturday, doing her homework and watching TV. She was doing anything to relieve herself of the thoughts of Friday. All the while everyone at Berkeley wondered about her where bout’s. Ryan knocked on her door for a half hour, trying to see if she was in there before the RA came out and told him Taylor left notice about being away for the weekend. Ryan was starting to get worried, that what happened was becoming a bigger deal to her, than he thought.
The weekend put everyone on edge, instead of relaxing them, and the following week didn’t fare well either. Taylor returned late Monday night and went straight to her dorm, nobody knowing anything, until Ryan noticed the light turning on from his dorm window. He tried calling her cell phone like he had done dozens of times the weekend before but once again she didn’t pick up and then the light flicked off in her room. Ryan sighed as he tried to figure Taylor out, and eventually it just gave him a headache.
The rest of the week went on exactly as Friday had with running, ignoring and silence. Taylor didn’t say anything to Ryan and as much as he wanted to say something to her, he didn’t know what. He figured she had to talk to him eventually, their project was due the Monday after the ball. Saturday rolled around and it was the night of the Golden Bear Ball. Taylor got ready and decided to just go stag to the event, figuring she needed to get out and hopefully she would meet someone to take her mind off of Ryan. Luke, Marissa and Ryan had decided to go together so that nobody was left a third wheel even though Luke and Marissa were hooking up, even if they weren’t admitting it yet.
Luke headed over to the bar to grab drinks for everyone as Ryan and Marissa shared a dance. It was midway through the dance when Taylor entered into the ballroom to see the two of them dancing. Her heart broke instantly, and reeled back to that night when Ryan couldn’t answer if he still loved Marissa. She watched as they laughed and smiled and danced, no Luke in sight, and then she figured they were there together. The ball didn’t seem like a good idea anymore and Taylor turned and left. Just as Taylor turned around, Ryan saw her and watched as she left the ballroom in a hurry.
“Marissa, you mind go looking for Luke, I have to go somewhere.” Ryan stated as he stopped dancing.
“Um, yeah sure, is something wrong?” Marissa asked confused.
“I’m not sure, but I got to go”, and then Ryan ran off after Taylor.
“Okay.” Marissa said confused as she watched him hurry out the door.
Taylor was already half way across the Berkeley Main Lawn when Ryan spotted her from the entrance of Leigh Hall.
“Taylor! Taylor wait!” Ryan yelled as he ran after her.
Taylor tried to ignore him and walked as fast as she could in heels across the half frozen grass, holding her dress up in the process.
“Taylor stop! Tayloooor!” Ryan yelled louder as he approached her.
Taylor’s breaths were getting shallow as she tried to hold herself together, keep her dress off the ground and run in heels.
“Taylor would you stop and talk to me!” Ryan said as he grabbed her arm and turned her around to face him.
“What Ryan?” she asked annoyed and scared.
“Taylor, why are you running from me, better yet, why are you ignoring me?”
“I’m not Ryan.” Taylor stated.
“Then what do you call the last week Taylor?” Ryan asked frustrated.
“Nothing, I just needed some me time okay.” Taylor tried to pull away from his grasps.
“Taylor, that’s a lie. Now talk to me, is this all about that kiss?”
“No”
“Then what? You haven’t been yourself, you’ve been distant, silent, you ignore everyone, you don’t pick up calls. I feel like I don’t even know you anymore.”
“Maybe you never did Ryan.” Taylor stated as she stared at the ground, and allowed her dress to fall out of her hands and rest on the frozen ground.
“What are you talking about? You’re one of my best friends Taylor, I know my friends, and I especially know you.”
“What do you know Ryan? My favorite food, my favorite color, that I slept with the dean of discipline, stalked your brother, got one of our friends kicked out of school, and then you? Is that what you know Ryan?” Taylor said frustrated with the situation and his grasp on her.
Ryan saw the frustration in her eyes and the emotions she was trying to hide, “No, I mean yes I know that, but I know more too.”
“Like what?” She half yelled in his face.
“I know you love pizza even though you won’t admit it, that you listen to every one of Seth’s emo mixes even if you don’t like it, that you check up on everyone once a week at least to make sure they are okay, that you get sad when your mom puts you down, that you have never had a birthday party, and that you feel like you owe the world something. I know everything about you Taylor, you are one of my best friends.”
“Fine Ryan, you know some stuff, but you don’t know everything.” Taylor said, as a tear threatened to fall from her hazel eyes.
“Fine then Taylor, tell me, what don’t I know about you.” Ryan yelled as he ran his hand through is hair in frustration.
Taylor was scared at his tone but was now mad that he was angry at her and so she yelled back at him as the tears began to fall, “I bet you didn't know that I'm terrified of the dark and every time I think of you, I smile. I bet you don't know that I hate thunder storms but love dancing in the rain or how much I love laughing with my friends and how much I truly enjoy being happy. I bet you don't know how many tears I've cried just for you, or how much I doubt myself every day. I bet you don't know how ticklish I am... or how I can't make decisions and how it drives me crazy when you look into my eyes. I bet you didn't know that I would do anything to be with you, but mostly, I bet you don't know how much I love you.”
Ryan was stunned at her outburst, but took her into his arms and held her sobbing body close to his as he ran his hand through her hair, “I am so sorry Taylor, I didn’t know, you’re right I didn’t know.”
Ryan and Taylor stood under the full moon in silence as Taylor cried her tears and let Ryan’s warm arms hold her close.
Finally when the tears subsided, Taylor pulled away and tried to wipe away the mess that was probably her makeup. “It’s okay, Ryan it’s not your fault, you just didn’t know.”
Pulling her hands away from her face and holding them in his he looked into her eyes and asked, “Why didn’t you ever say anything Taylor?”
Looking at the ground again, “Because Ryan, you were always with Marissa, what am I suppose to say, hey, I like you, even though you like her, or miss her, or love her. I was just giving you space. I don’t want to loose you.”
“Taylor look at me”, Ryan said as she looked up to meet his eyes, “I don’t love Marissa, once upon a time maybe, but it’s been over a year, we are just friends, and we are never going to be anything more again.”
“How do you know Ryan? You guys go back and forth like a pendulum.” Taylor said on edge again.
“Because Taylor, We are different, and we’re older, and I don’t see her like that, but most importantly, I like you.” Ryan said, a smile forming on his lips.
“Wha… what?” Taylor croaked out.
“I like you Taylor Townsend, more than a friend.” Now his smile was a full grin.
“But, but, why?” She managed to get out as she furrowed her eyebrows trying to process what he was saying.
Ryan laughed lightly, “what, now I need a reason to like you?”
“It’s just, it’s, I’m not Marissa.”
“That’s exactly what I like about you, you’re Taylor, you’re smart, you’re beautiful, you’re complicated, and yet you know exactly what you want, you’re confident in yourself, and you’re just you.”
“But, it’s just…” Taylor had become speechless.
“Look, I might not love you yet, but maybe one day I might, and I probably don’t know everything about you even though you just blurted a bunch, but I want to at least get the chance to try. A week ago, I was confused about what I was feeling, but that morning, when you kissed me, everything became clear, what I was feeling, it was for you.”
“ Rea… Really?” Taylor asked, her eyes big in surprise.
“Yeah, Really.” And then Ryan reacted on his impulse and leaned in to kiss Taylor, this time making it slow, long and passionate.
Pulling away breathless, Taylor let out a sighed, “Wow”.
“You can say that again”, Ryan whispered under his breath as he kissed her softly on the forehead.
“Wow”.
They both erupted in light laughter.
Taking her hand into his, Ryan started leading her back toward their dorms, forgetting the ball and their wasted tickets.
“So since we have covered, confessions, getting to know you’s and kissing, do you think we could go out tomorrow?” Ryan asked.
She turned to look up into his crystal blue eyes and smiled, “Yeah, I would really like that.”
“Good.”
And so they stopped in the middle of the empty courtyard, in the shadow of the clock tower, as Ryan kissed her once again, the bells chimes, a symbol of celebration to their confessions under the moonlight.
Please Review if you Read, it greatly appreciated
golden,
ryan/taylor,
ocficchallenge