I'm in over my head.
I don't purposely push people away.
Especially boys.
It's not like I want to.
Especially when I really like them.
I do it because I'm afraid.
Afraid of being closet to someone.
I think it's the fact that my parents split.
And the stuff that goes on when parents and step parents.
It's hard.
It's so fucking hard.
It feels like it's wrong to love.
But that's not why i wrote this.
It's because of the other night.
I was on the phone to someone.
& they were telling me something, and one sentence that they said sounded like 'him'.
instantly my heart skipped a beat.
and my hand instantly went up onto my chest to feel my heart.
I completely stopped listening to what the other person said.
I have bnever felt like that about anyone in my life before.
I don't want to think about him anymore.
It's wrong.
I'm sick of changing my mind.
I'm sick of this.
Where did I go wrong?
I'm glad that nobody knows who I'm talking about.
And I'm glad that nobody reads this.