(no subject)
(im listening to daft punk; human after all.
it is pulling on every fiber in my body. i love when music does that.)
in the past months ive noticed myself become more selfish, not in a narcissitic manner, but in that i have only concerned myself with my own happiness. ive hurt people knowingly without any sentiment of remorse. i have unintentionally yet unapologetically toyed with the emotions of people who thought i was interested in something more. perhaps i should write on my forehead, " do not expect anything".
i have been ridiculously materialistic: blowing disgusting amounts of money on clothes, books, and food. i really enjoy this disgusting display of consumerism. i dont know what device to lay the blame on, other than myself, but ill just say over exposure to tv as a child.
ive been building a shell around me; living a more secluded and private life. i have come to enjoy long drives alone: cigarette fingers, headlights, windows down, the interstate forests, rushing down a landscape at speeds inconcievable a century ago. i enjoy my thoughts on these drives. the things i whisper to myself without saying words. the hypothetical situations i emerse myself in. the moments when i loose my mind in a song and turn on autopilot.
i found myself on the cusp of a relationship recently. it freaked me out that someone could fall so hard for me. that individually i could inspire such an emotion. it is a bittersweet thing though, because i cant seem to feel these things that everyone else has. they come to me in fleeting waves, expiring within weeks at the flick of a switch.
regardless of my moral degradation, im having so much fucking fun its ridiculous. i miss kristen graves, a whole lot! its going to be so hard not seeing her everyday when i move, but life pulls everyone in their own directions i suppose. in conclusion, as i reflect upon all my recorded thoughts above..i have a black heart, and perhaps blacker lungs, and i dont give a fuck. i want to start living without regards to anyone else. this is by no means a death to my kindness, or altruism, or whatever appeal you find in me as a friend. instead i hope its the birth of all my secret ambitions, wims, thoughts, whatever..
it is pulling on every fiber in my body. i love when music does that.)
in the past months ive noticed myself become more selfish, not in a narcissitic manner, but in that i have only concerned myself with my own happiness. ive hurt people knowingly without any sentiment of remorse. i have unintentionally yet unapologetically toyed with the emotions of people who thought i was interested in something more. perhaps i should write on my forehead, " do not expect anything".
i have been ridiculously materialistic: blowing disgusting amounts of money on clothes, books, and food. i really enjoy this disgusting display of consumerism. i dont know what device to lay the blame on, other than myself, but ill just say over exposure to tv as a child.
ive been building a shell around me; living a more secluded and private life. i have come to enjoy long drives alone: cigarette fingers, headlights, windows down, the interstate forests, rushing down a landscape at speeds inconcievable a century ago. i enjoy my thoughts on these drives. the things i whisper to myself without saying words. the hypothetical situations i emerse myself in. the moments when i loose my mind in a song and turn on autopilot.
i found myself on the cusp of a relationship recently. it freaked me out that someone could fall so hard for me. that individually i could inspire such an emotion. it is a bittersweet thing though, because i cant seem to feel these things that everyone else has. they come to me in fleeting waves, expiring within weeks at the flick of a switch.
regardless of my moral degradation, im having so much fucking fun its ridiculous. i miss kristen graves, a whole lot! its going to be so hard not seeing her everyday when i move, but life pulls everyone in their own directions i suppose. in conclusion, as i reflect upon all my recorded thoughts above..i have a black heart, and perhaps blacker lungs, and i dont give a fuck. i want to start living without regards to anyone else. this is by no means a death to my kindness, or altruism, or whatever appeal you find in me as a friend. instead i hope its the birth of all my secret ambitions, wims, thoughts, whatever..