(no subject)
Michigan is amazing. Mitch is perfect and I have my swifty with me. Life seems to be getting better. Thank god. Because I hate the way i've been feeling lately.
Life is not getting better. At all. It's getting worse. I feel so empty. I'm just-- God I don't know. I'm moping around. Grandpa's acting like I'm helping him but I'm not. I wondered off yesterday and today. Just walked through the woods for a bit.
I don't think I've ever been this in tune with my character before. Wanting someone who wants someone else. It's just--and it's amplified. I have to deal with wanting mason who wants Kevin and wanting Nick--who wants nicole.
I'm pretty sure that I've been sitting in this spot for the bast hour. Just sitting here. I can't eat. Which sucks because, Mitch cooked for me last night. And I picked at my damn food.
I hate this. I feel like I'm cheating on him. Like I should want him a whole lot more than I do. And I feel like I need to completely cut myself off from Nick and Mason. mostly Nick. Because I've ruined him and Nicole's fixing him. But god--I want him. Which is totally selfish but ugh! I hate this.
I don't think i'm coming back.
Life is not getting better. At all. It's getting worse. I feel so empty. I'm just-- God I don't know. I'm moping around. Grandpa's acting like I'm helping him but I'm not. I wondered off yesterday and today. Just walked through the woods for a bit.
I don't think I've ever been this in tune with my character before. Wanting someone who wants someone else. It's just--and it's amplified. I have to deal with wanting mason who wants Kevin and wanting Nick--who wants nicole.
I'm pretty sure that I've been sitting in this spot for the bast hour. Just sitting here. I can't eat. Which sucks because, Mitch cooked for me last night. And I picked at my damn food.
I hate this. I feel like I'm cheating on him. Like I should want him a whole lot more than I do. And I feel like I need to completely cut myself off from Nick and Mason. mostly Nick. Because I've ruined him and Nicole's fixing him. But god--I want him. Which is totally selfish but ugh! I hate this.
I don't think i'm coming back.