(no subject)
I am so ready to go home. I really don't want to be here anymore. this is house is driving me crazy and it doesn't even feel like home anymore. i really don't even know if I want to come here this summer. the summer is going to be horriable. getting my mom's car out what horriable. i couldn't even believe that she got it stuck. it was so stupid. i wish she wouldn't drink so much. that causes most of the problems but it seems like i'm the only one who is really bothered by it. chelsea and gentry don't realy care, well i mean they can't do anything about it. chelsea said she wasn't like this when i'm not around. i don't know why she feels the need to be drunk around me, when she knows i hate it. she knows that i don't like it when she drinks but she does it anyways. and no one knows what to say to me when i try and talk to them about it. there is nothing they can say, i mean nothing they say can change anything. but just talking about it makes me feel better so it's nice to have people who will listen. i am really ready to just cut all the ties i have in oxford and just make florida my home. i have no room here and nothing really left here except my family. but i mean i would still see them, i love them and wish i could see them more. chelsea and gentry are the main reason i'm here. i miss them and it's hard for me to be away from them but i guess that's growing up. i am thinking about working in florida this summer. erin said i could easily find a job and it would be kinda cool to live with my dad. i am going to talk to him about it when he's driving me home.
i hated saying goodbye to monica. she's like one of the only reasons i was excited to come back and i only got to see her 3 times. it sucks. i wish i could have seen her more we didn't even get to talk and it was werid all we could talk about was the past. for the first time ever monica and i had nothing to say to eachother. that really hurts. her and i used to spend every moment with eachother. those days were nice but i can't go back there now. i can't just dwell on those times with her. they were great but i don't want to just wish things were that way agian. i love gainesville and all of the people that i have met there. i wouldn't want to go anywhere else. i love uf and i'm so happy that i chose to go there. is is okay that i now what to be selffish and not want to spend as much time with my mom? i mean i could make my relationship with my dad a lot better and spend more time with him. it's what i've always wanted. i always wanted to be closer to him but i never could be because he lived so far away. the divorse really screwed things up. i hate feeling this way...
i hated saying goodbye to monica. she's like one of the only reasons i was excited to come back and i only got to see her 3 times. it sucks. i wish i could have seen her more we didn't even get to talk and it was werid all we could talk about was the past. for the first time ever monica and i had nothing to say to eachother. that really hurts. her and i used to spend every moment with eachother. those days were nice but i can't go back there now. i can't just dwell on those times with her. they were great but i don't want to just wish things were that way agian. i love gainesville and all of the people that i have met there. i wouldn't want to go anywhere else. i love uf and i'm so happy that i chose to go there. is is okay that i now what to be selffish and not want to spend as much time with my mom? i mean i could make my relationship with my dad a lot better and spend more time with him. it's what i've always wanted. i always wanted to be closer to him but i never could be because he lived so far away. the divorse really screwed things up. i hate feeling this way...